To Still Be Thinking About Quitting?

[MyGoldenNotebook]

I am currently about 2 months away from qualifying as a teacher (secondary English). I have secured a job for September at a good school (I know how lucky I am to be able to say that) not too far from where I live. The problem is I'm miserable. So unhappy and stressed.

I really like the children and I have a strong belief in the importance of Education (I take my job very seriously) and I love my subject. BUT I work SO hard during term time I often feel ill, and my current placement is a nightmare. My mentor is frosty and judgemental rather than supportive and I feel like I'm drowning under all the work. I'm dreading going in after Easter. I should be working on lesson plans right now, but keep avoiding the inevitable. I feel sick just thinking about it.

My mother looked horrified when I suggested quitting.

We became pregnant by mistake just a couple of months after I finished my MA, and of course there are financial consequences. We've been living on a shoe string for the past couple of years which has been OK but DH (and myself to a lesser extent) is really looking forward to life being a bit easier. My family all want me to be a teacher too and think it's riduculous that I would give it up to work in a library or become a TA in a Primary School (two ideas I've had).

I feel like I hardly see my little boy during the week (he's 18 months old) and as soon as he goes to bed I have to do work which means I hardly have any quality time with my husband.I keep thinking about quitting but it seems impossible. My DH became quite upset when I suggested doing something else. He keeps trying to convince me that it will get easier but I'm not sure. He's sick of me moaning about how much I hate it and wants me to stop harping on and just get on with it. He genuinely doesn't think that we can afford for me to do anything else (his pay isn't great).

I can see his point as my unhappiness eats into the little free time that I do have and spoils that too. Also, he hates his job too but rarely complains.

But I can't stop thinking about quitting.

So AIBU?

I know how hard it can be.

I hated teaching all the way through my PGCE. In fact I was prescribed anti-depressants in order to cope. I nearly quit so many times - but miraculously I found that being a teacher is SO much easier than training to be a teacher. Like you I managed to get a place in a really good school, with friends and family all thinking how well I had done, when inside I was frankly terrified all the time. I couldn't believe how much better and easier it got.

You are so close now - honestly I would stick with it. You can always stop teaching later if you continue to hate it, but if you give up now you won't have that option.

I am sympathetic though. I remember the sinking feeling all too well.

My sister did a PGCE and ended up finishing the course, but never went into teaching.

The stress of it was making her ill.

She is now working in an office 9-5 and is just so much happier.

So YANBU, life is too short to keep doing something that makes you ill.

My sister found it very hard to quit as well as she was put under so much pressure from family etc, but she is glad she did.

FWIW you couldn't pay me enough money to go into teaching, it is such a hard job.

Would you be able to afford to work as a TA in a primary school or work in a library?
Could you show your dh how that would be possible?
If it wouldn't cause extreme financial hardship then I would say go for the jobs that you feel happier about doing. Maybe go into teaching at a later date.
I'd also see if there was anything that could be done for your dh to get a job that he felt happier about. Could he retrain?
No point you both being miserable if you don't have to be.

Why don't you put everything you can into getting through the next 8 weeks 1 day at a time, schedule a rota for free time and work time so you know you do have some free time so it seems more managable?

Can you ask for a different mentor?

How long have you been considering quitting? If I'm having a hard time with work and I happen to have pmt I sometimes feel everything in my life is wrong, of course its just a bad week mixed with hormones, could that be the case?

Could your dp look into a different job with better pay so the burden isn't so heavy on you?

Plan a nice treat (maybe a spa day) for the end of those 2 months? Then you can spend June and July and August concentrating on your son and relaxing which will give you time to consider your future?

I think it would be bad to give up when you are so close to the finish and you have a job lined up.

Remember teaching will be different to the PGCE - you will have time to develop a proper bond with your kids and remember why you went into it in the first place.

Have you considered teaching part time until you complete the requisite number of hours to graduate to QTS?

I believe you have 5 years to do the necessary hours, you wouldn't be paid as much as someone who does the hours in a year, but it would mean you could balance home and work a bit better?

I know someone doing it like this and she is much happier in her work than some other teachers.

Don't give up now, this is the hard bit, just get to the end of this placement and you'll never have to see the old bag again! Do you finish in June?

I don't think that I could ask for a different mentor. Each department usually just has one and mine has had the job for years - I think she might be a little jaded actually. Apparently her last student was 'awful' and this may account for her being extra grumpy with me.

I know I should press on - at least till I get QTS but as for taking my time to review the situation over the summer ... I simply couldn't justify leaving my future employee in the dark until the last minute.

HC is right.

If you quit now, you are denying yourself the choice to teach. When you qualify, it will still be a choice - if you hate it when you have started work, you can look at other options.

However if you quit, then you take away one of the options altogether.

I sympathise - two of my close friends qualified last year and they were close to quitting several times. One of them had a course of antidepressants to get him through it, like Humphreycobbler (one of them is enjoying it much more now, and the other still having problems, but that is down to behaviour issues, he's in a very challenging school).

Don't think too far into the future. Just focus on the next 2 months. Go to your gp if you feel you need support - short term ads to help you deal with the stress would be an option maybe?

It concerns me a little that your dh doesn't seem that supportive.

Yes I finish in June! If I finish I'll throw such a big party

You won't be able to change subject mentor, but could you lean on your general mentor a bit more? Or get in touch with your Uni mentor - they are there to support you and be on your side.

Oh and I know someone who qualified and then went and did other things for 8 years. She's just returned to teaching and is loving it

It's only 2 months. One week of holiday now, one week of half term in May - how many weeks is that? 5/6?

Treat each week as just one week and don't think about what comes next. It will all be over in no time, it really well. Please get in touch with your uni mentor though. They should be able to help.

Can I ask a very personal question? It sounds to me as if you're someone who is frightened of 'committing' to or 'engaging' with things - you talk about an MA, so presumably you did a BA first? So taking an MA was one way of putting off having to move on/go to work. Then you accidentally got pregnant at the end of your MA.

And now you want to quit your teacher training right at the very end.

Apologies if I'm a mile (or 10!) off here, but this was the first thing that struck me about your post. I'm not trying to be horrible or have a go at you, just trying to understand if there's another, underlying issue going on here.

And you know YABU about quitting at this stage, don't you?!

OK, You are not being unreasonable. It is difficult for anyone who has not taught, especially recently, to realise just how difficult and demoralising a job it can be. However, and I speak here from over a decade's teaching experience, it does get better.

The first year is always a nightmare but you will find that, as you get the hang of it and learn to recycle your lessons, the workload easies off a bit. If you do decide to carry on, take the opportunity of the next 8 weeks to shamelessly nick copy any useful resources from your current school to make your life easier next year. It also helps to be very organised. I had a folder for every class I taught. In it I would have the scheme of work in the front, along with a class list, preferably with mug shots. I would then have a lesson plan for each week along with copies of any handouts/resources I was going to use in that lesson. I adapted our lesson plan proforma to add boxes for absences, lateness (along with the number of minutes) behavioural issues (a large box for that one ) homework given/received, and general comments/notes to myself. I would then carry that folder into each lesson. The result of this is you are always prepared, always remember what you did last time, can keep a track of persistent behavioural/punctuality issues and have everthing organised , needing only minor tweaks for the next year.

However, if you do decide to quit, try and see the year out. You have my sympathy, it's a nightmare job at times. I don't think you'll find any of the teachers here blaming you for your decision.

Yes I have a BA but I actually did an MA because I wanted to go on to do a phD and then become a university tutor, but my beautiful baby has made that impossible (at least another 4 years of being a student with minimal funding) at least for now.

But actually you may have a point BecauseImWorthIt - there may have been a significant amount of commitment phobia involved in that decision ... 4-5 years is a long time.

Please don't quit - you have stuck it this far, you have a job lined up in a good school (not easy in a subject like English where there are often a lot of people chasing the job). I think deep down you know that it would be madness.

The PGCE year is horrible. I also did mine after doing a Masters (which I'd loved) and I hated the PGCE - I found it hard work and stressful but in a negative way. The college work was a waste of time, and the school placements (the only useful element) were terribly hard work and stressful.

Teaching will be hard work too, espeically the NQT year, but I think it's a case of biting the bullet and doing it. It's the gateway to a profession, to potentially a good salary, pension, security PLUS it's a really exciting, stimulating and worthwhile career!

Do consider the part time option. I'm not a teacher but I have thought about changing jobs and I changed my mind when I started looking at salarys. I could either work full time in one job or 3 days in another for the same money. Working 3 days is a whole world away from doing 5, it makes the job more enjoyable and you get more time with your kids.

My 2 pence worth. I did a PGCE and is was extremely stressful and I hated it (but I am not a quiiter in anything so I finished the damn thing). I then taught and lasted 18 months. It was easily the worst 18 months of my life and I suspect, looking back, I actually had some kind of breakdown. My advice would be to finish the course - you are so near the end it would be a shame not to, but may be think seriously about whether to teach long term. I admire anyone who does it and does it well, because I found it utterly soul destroying.

Blackduck I think I nearly had a break down too, a couple of weeks ago. I started crying uncontrollably at 7am when my printer broke and I couldn't print out the worksheets I needed for first lesson. So stressed about being considered unorganised. I starting smacking the wall and swearing. Very 'un me' (imagine a very slight girl who looks about 17, drinks Lady Grey tea and has a voice like Alice in Wonderland). My DH thought I'd gone insane.

It's just so damn tiring isn't it? And ten times worse when your mentor just thinks you're 'ok' even though you spend HOURS planning lessons and really give it your all.

My last placement LOVED me and I'm trying to hold onto that but it's hard. You know the saying ... you can be told ten nice things about yourself but you'll always hold on to the one negative. Or is that just me?

Don't throw away possibilities because of one unsupportive mentor. I'm not saying you have to do it in the long run, but please try to finish. then you can take stock and decide whether to take the job (don't decide now, wait until you have finished - I know you don't want to let people down but that is a secondary consideration). If you do take the job, know that you can quit if necessary. Knowing there is a way out and that there are always options is important.

Or, if it becomes completely impossible, could you get signed off sick and defer qualification until next year? It does sound like it is this particular placement taht is the issue.

The PGCE can be bloody hard and draining. It's also demoralising and monotonous, at times. I had a bloody awful mentor in my second placement of Secondary English PGCE and I went from a 'distinction' to barely a pass within weeks of starting at that school. He was a misogynistic bully and made my life hell. When I went back to my main placement, they couldn't believe the change in me. I was having panic attacks and it didn't help that I was so run down I got glandular fever and had a hellish last half term. The first day I got out of bed was to start at my new school in my NQT year.

Your NQT year will be tough, but it's so much more rewarding when they're your kids and it's your classroom. The pressure is off from all those bloody essays (though you do have a lot of marking). You ought to have a 10% reduced timetable in the first year and you ought to have have some kind of protection against doing cover, at least in the first term.

Ten years down the line I've now left teaching to be a full-time mum and I am so sad to be leaving (I wouldn't leave for any other job!) I will return to teaching one day, once my brood is at school full-time. I LOVE teaching and think it's the most rewarding, fantastic thing anyone could want to do. It's a great job for working around kids and their holidays, has plenty of scope for part-time opportunities and also has great job security. It's one of those few jobs where you can take out a huge chunk of time and ease back in afterwards with relative ease.

I think you should stick it out for the last couple of months, reap the benefit of the fat holiday you'll get 'til September. You'll feel so different when you're off the treadmill of the PGCE.

If you do decide to leave, you need to give your new school as much notice as possible. You need to ring them on the first Monday back so they can re-advertise the position.

Sorry if I've waffled or sounded patronising. Nothing prepares you for how tough a PGCE is (it certainly isn't the easy option that some graduates think it is when they just 'fall into' one because they can't think of anything else to do - not saying you are one of these at all).

Hope you can see the light at the end of the tunnel soon.

Yes - you're story sounds similar to mine Ineedmorechocolatenow. While she isn't exactly a bully she certainly leaves me feeling demoralised. And I have gone from Excellent to barely Satisfactory with some of my classes. It's hard to keep the momentum going.

Thanks for all the positive advice though - from everyone. It's really helping and it's nice to have some objective points of view.

I came to the conclusion it just wasn't for me (think I was probably too young), I have actually considered going back now I have DS because of the holidays and all that, but think I am kidding myself.... I love teaching (and have had a successful stint as an IT Trainer), but its everything else I found hard. My PGCE was grim, my final teaching practice was hellish and two teachers wanted to fail me, it was my mentor who argued to pass me.
As I said I would finish it in your situation, and then think through what to do next - I would not wish the mental hell I wnet through on anyone....