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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think my aunt should butt out?

14 replies

IneedAbetterNickname · 13/04/2009 21:03

OK, so we have just been camping for the weekend, and I could quite easily have slapped my Auntie round the face! She feels the need to constantly comment on my parenting, and nothing I do is ever 'right'. She has called my 4 year old moody, and said that I spoil him because I won't make him talk to her (not sure how you force a 4 year old to talk???). He is quite sensitive anyway, yet she thinks she can tease him as much as she likes, then when he gets upset tells me I should teach him to 'grow up' and that I baby him.

She has a 15 year old foster son( her ex's, who moved in with her at 4, his Dad moved out when he was 8). He was picking on my step sister, so we were teasing him saying that he must fancy her, when my Auntie found out she had a go at me for teasing him, apparantly I'm not allowed because he gets upset (he has aspergers)

It seems like because my son doesn't have a 'label' (sorry to anyone whos child has SN, don't mean to sound rude) that he has to sit back and take whatever is said to him.

Then both my boys have longish hair, (below their ears). DS1 (4) wants long hair, and DS2 (2 1/2) hates having his hair cut, and screams and won't keep his head still. My Auntie was saying things like "Who's in charge you or them? If you want them to have it cut then they should bloody well do as they are told" When I told her that DS2 won't sit still she told me I should hold his head still and force him too!

AIBU?????

OP posts:
wilkos · 13/04/2009 21:08

no yanbu.

smile sweetly and say in your most ingratiating voice "oh do shut up, you are so very tedious i am considering impaling myself on a tent peg"

and then smile and carry on regardless

Paranoidornot · 13/04/2009 21:08

Is your aunt my mom/dad?!! I have constant comments of 'just take CONTROL' 'Who's in charge here?' Used to drive me mad.

Actually it still does i've decided on a new tack, i just agree with everything they say 'yes she is spoilt' 'yes she is in charge' 'yes im a shocking parent' etc etc, makes me smile as they have nowhere to go with it.

Alambil · 13/04/2009 21:11

I held DS's head still - it's not cruel!

But, yanbu - she's being hypocritical and annoying

SebandElliottsmum · 13/04/2009 21:14

was there no cliff side walks you could push her off...
my brothers who dont have children tease my 2 and 5 year old sons all the time and then call them for being soft when they start crying of get in a strop telling them to toughen up. it drives me bloody mad.
my ds2 has long hair and apparently thats what makes him upset sometimes!!!!!!!!!!
ignore her shes probably jealous of your parenting skills. xx

JuxaLOTmoreChocolate · 13/04/2009 21:14

What a silly woman. Ignore ignore ignore.

wilkos' suggestion is wonderful

Gentle · 13/04/2009 21:24

Oh dear what a downer on your camping holiday.

I second Paranoidornot's suggestion, it's a classic technique and really brings criticisers up short.

compo · 13/04/2009 21:29

never go camping with family, it nevers ends well

MarlaSinger · 13/04/2009 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IneedAbetterNickname · 13/04/2009 22:10

wilkos - fab idea, I may do that next time!

sebandelliottsmum - unfortunately not I would have been just too tempted if there had been though! My sister also thinks she is jealous, whether of my parenting skills, or the fact that I can have children and she can't, who knows!

paranoidornot - I did try that once, she didn't realise I was being sarcastic

MarlaSinger - I think you are right, she likes to think that all small children love her, and can't accept that D isn't overly fussed. And I also agree that long hair on boys is lovely, DS1 looks like a rock star!

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 13/04/2009 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IneedAbetterNickname · 13/04/2009 22:26

The only reason we go camping with her is because we go with the camping club. My Dad is the chairman of our DA, and my Auntie runs all the childrens activities. Trouble is she is just as bad whenever we see her (she pops round to my Dads on a Tues sometimes because she knows we are there)

OP posts:
sayithowitis · 13/04/2009 22:30

YANBU to be cross with her, however, teasing somebody with Asperger's is really not on either. I don't think your son should have to take whatever is handed out to him by this person, just that teasing him isn't going to solve it.

IneedAbetterNickname · 13/04/2009 22:37

I didn't tease him to get back at her, and actually my cousin was laughing with us when we were teasing him. If he had started getting upset I'd have stopped and apologised to him, but he knew I was messing around. It's not just teasing though, we get told off for doing anything that upsets her son. For example, my brother lives with our Auntie, and called A (her son) for dinner one day. As he didn't reply, and still hadn't come downstairs 5mins later, my brother called him again. A got in a massive strop and our Auntie had a go at him for upsetting A because 'you know he has aspergers and gets upset easily'

OP posts:
Bathsheba · 13/04/2009 22:38

Criticising your parenting isn't on, but teasing her son about him fancing girls - cringeworthy enough when you are a 15 year old boy never mind one with problems with social relationships - is wrong too.

Always try and be the bigger and better person when people are behaving badly to you - in teasing her son you weren't the bigger and better person in this one.

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