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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be paranoid over this?

21 replies

Paranoidornot · 13/04/2009 20:27

My DP got a text today from a girl he was engaged to a long time ago. They finished over 10 years ago (we have been together 3 years). She left him.

He showed me the text it said something like 'How how are you? Just wanted to keep in touch, hope you're well, 'EX's name''.

He hasn't spoken to her in over 10 years.

He texted back, intrigued as to what she wanted after 10 years I think. She said she knew it was a bit out of the blue, she might be having a mid life crisis as she is turning 30 this year!!, just wanted to know how he was and wanted to be friends and felt she owed him an apology for being a 'superbitch' to him ten years ago. She then said she had 'no ulterior motive' but wanted to be friends and who knows maybe they might bump into each other in town one night

She also said that she'd chat to him next week on facebook.

We're currently TTC so perhaps I'm being paranoid, but this struck me as really weird. They haven't spoken for 10 years so why has she suddenly got in touch?? As far as I know she's married with 2 kids.

Any thoughts? Or am I just losing it and need to give myself a slap

OP posts:

MuffinBaker · 13/04/2009 20:29

how did she get his number?

ThePhantomPooer · 13/04/2009 20:29

I would be suspicious of any woman over 30 who used the word SUPERBITCH.

KingCanuteIAm · 13/04/2009 20:30

Yes itsounds odd but I don't think it sounds suspicious IYSWIM. I should imagine it is exactly what it seems, she is haveing a bit of a wobble and got in touch. Your dh has been up front with you about it so I see no need to get worried!

It is up to you and your dh to decide if he wants to pursue a friendship or leave the past in the past. I would say you should continue what he has started by being open and communication together!

KingCanuteIAm · 13/04/2009 20:31

communicating

sparkplug · 13/04/2009 20:33

If he is just a "DP", then how is she to know that he is fully committed to you? It might be just an innocent mistake on her part.

LastOrders · 13/04/2009 20:33

My DPs ex resurfaced a few months back, after 4 years since they split.

She said she wanted to return a diamond necklace he gave her when they were together as she felt guilty keeping it and that she owed him an apology for bedding someone else and that she needed closure. She asked to meet him in a pub one eve.

I told DP that if he even thought about meeting up with her I'd personally remove all the skin from his dick.

She was a vindictive little bitch - her fakebook profile read as "actively seeking a new man" when she contacted him.

Though we were torn on whether to get the necklace back as DP wanted to buy me a dishwasher and £ would've come in handy!!

MoreLikeMiranda · 13/04/2009 20:34

what exactly are you feeling paranoid about?

She clearly does have intentions, why else would she be in touch.

DP is being honest and keeping you in the loop about what's going on, hardly the sign of a cheating man.

Some bint is hitting on your man, she won't be the ifirst and she won't be the last. So long as you and your DP are going strong (if your TTC then you must be) you have nothing to worry about.

But has your DP really had the same mob number for ten years?

PlumBumMum · 13/04/2009 20:34

I think its weird,
put it this way would your dh like it if you got in touch with a boyfriend from 10 years ago,
I would get your dh to text back saying I'm not that bothered actually,

You read threads on here all the time with people saying my ex would never have treated me like this etc what if type of thing

but at least your dh showed you the text and dosen't seem to bothered either

How did she get his no?

iloveolives · 13/04/2009 20:34

I agree it is a little out of the ordinary for an ex to get in contact like that. It could be just that.The fact that she's turning 30 and she's realised how she acted 10 years ago and wanted to apologise. Sometimes it takes that long ( in her case 10 yrs!) for people to realise how awfully they acted in the past and want to make a mense.

Hmm, not sure about the whole 'i'll chat to you on facebook' but as long as you and your dp have a solid relationship and you trust him, i wouldn't worry.

Maybe she's going through a relationship crisis herself ( maybe she's being treated how she trated your dp and she realised how horrible it is!)

Basically saying, don't worry about her posing any threat x

LastOrders · 13/04/2009 20:37

like all the others have said, the fact that he showed you the text is a very good sign.

My DP showed me the emails he got and I knew he'd never meet her.

I think he's a sterling bloke to be so honest.

Original poster

Paranoidornot · 13/04/2009 20:38

Sorry, I wasn't very clear. I'm not paranoid about him but her, it just seems weird to get in touch after 10 years. Was wondering if maybe her and her husband have split up or something

It is good he showed me the text and he has relayed them all to me so no worries on that score.

He doesn't know re the phone number, they have one mutual friend so she may have got it off him, but that seems strange to go to all that trouble I mean.

I suppose my question is (bearing in mind I'm female and know how our minds work!!) what's she really after??

LastOrders - I like your style

Sparkplug - that's what I mean, she would have no idea even of my existence, they haven't spoken for 10 years. I suppose I'm asking if her intent was to be more than friends...

OP posts:

Simplysally · 13/04/2009 20:39

After 10 years she really needs to get over herself . I could text my ex apologising for how I treated him 10 years ago but it's so long ago now, he'd think I was either off my rocker contacting him so late or was after a second go with him.

Intrigued about the same number for 10 years though!

PlumBumMum · 13/04/2009 20:40

Yeap I would be wary thats why I would get dp to text back that he isn't bothered

Deemented · 13/04/2009 20:40

I've had the same mobile number for almost nine years now - have had different phones, but the same number.

Original poster

Paranoidornot · 13/04/2009 20:42

Morelikemiranda - think I'm paranoid because we're TTC. My exH 'ran off' after we had our DD because he decided he wasn't ready to e a husband or father

DP and I are solid but the TTC has brought lots of memories back and now this ex pops her head up and I've got myself all in a lather I think.

OP posts:

PlumBumMum · 13/04/2009 20:43

Me too I have had the same number ever since I got a mobile that would be over 10 years so has dh

Simplysally · 13/04/2009 20:43

I've had 4 numbers in 11 years.

TrillianEAstraEgg · 13/04/2009 20:45

It doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about.

She's probably not after your man, and even if she were he sounds like he wouldn't encourage her, not even a little bit.

LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 13/04/2009 20:47

I don't think it's weird. I've thought about contacting my ex-husband just to meet up for coffee as we were extremely good friends for more than 10 years.

I'm also married and blissfully happy.

Try and feel more secure in your relationship, it sounds like he loves you and that she is attached.

Gentle · 13/04/2009 21:37

She could well be sounding out whether he's available, but since he has been so open with you about it, she's barking up the wrong tree. If he had any intention of exploring back in her direction, he'd have been more secretive.

I'm probably way off here, but you never know... Her stated reasons do remind me of one of the 12 steps used by Alcoholics Anonymous & other addiction support groups - that of "making amends" with someone you have harmed in the past.

KimiAteTooManyEasterEggs · 13/04/2009 21:52

Sorry not read whole thread so hope not repeating things already said.
What does your DP say about it? Is he willing to block her number and block her on facebook?

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