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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to think i am right and he is wrong?

44 replies

iloveolives · 13/04/2009 16:23

Have name changed for this, and maybe i am being totally unreasonable and i just cannot see it. Would appreciate your honest views please.

Is it unreasonable to expect Dh who is at home full time ( he cannot find work after redundancy) , to do some jobs in the house?

He believes it is a woman?s job to run the house, and apparently working full time does not constitute as work!! (GRRR)

After picking the DCs up and coming home (where he has not moved all day) he expects the cleaning, clothes washing etc to be done while he rests as he is 'so tired'. (he is diabetic and uses his illness as an excuse for everything).

He does nothing apart from sometimes cook dinner but only if he is hungry and is often something horrible and unsuitable for Dcs e.g. spicy, burned, too late etc.

Plus, he refuses to go shopping with a weeks listas the shopping is 'not his job'. Nothing seems to be his job. Sorry to rant but it makes me so cross.

Plus (sorry to go on?), he doesn?t deal with things. If there ever a problem, he will either shout about it or go out. Never comes to parents evenings, kids dance shows or drama performances etc which deeply hurts the children. How do you explain to a little child why daddy didn?t want to see them in their drama performance, dance show etc.

I feel awful for saying so many negative things and there are some positives (honestly), but when you?re expected to do everything and never even get recognition when it is done, it hurts.

Sorry to go off on this rant but to be honest it's at the stage where if money was not a problem, divorce would more than likely be on the cards.

OP posts:

moondog · 13/04/2009 16:45

Sorry, why is it that you are still with him?

Original poster

iloveolives · 13/04/2009 16:46

Part of me feels guilty.
His parents are both dead and he has no relationship with his brother or sister (hasn't seen them for 12 years). So he would have no where to go.

OP posts:

TrillianEAstraEgg · 13/04/2009 16:46

HappyMummyofOne: "However, when a woman posts that the hubby wont help in the house after being work all day many posts state its unfair and he should pull his weight. Funny to see its different when posted the other way round."

This is different. He is doing nothing.

HecAteTheEasterBunny · 13/04/2009 16:47

Bit different Happy - those posts are not saying the man should come home and do EVERYTHING, while the woman has done nothing all day every day. They are saying that the man should do something. I bet op would be happy to come in and wash the pots or put some washing on, if her husband had done something with his day.

moondog · 13/04/2009 16:48

Guilty about what FGS?
That he is a twat and a loser.
Do something about it now or 20 years will pass and you will wake up one morning and realise you've wasted a good 25% of your life. [Oh and your dd really needs to get to bed earlier.]

HecAteTheEasterBunny · 13/04/2009 16:48

Iloveolives - it's your choice at the end of the day. Live like this or force change, even if it's hard.

TrillianEAstraEgg · 13/04/2009 16:49

"he has no relationship with his brother or sister"

Does anyone else think there is probably a reason for this. Such as, for example, because he is a cock?

Original poster

iloveolives · 13/04/2009 16:52

i agree with everything everyone is saying. thanks for the advice everyone.

moondog, confused over the dd comment about bedtimes, sorry, am quite new to all this on the discussion boards.

OP posts:

Quattrocento · 13/04/2009 16:55

I was thinking the same Trillian ...

magentadreamer · 13/04/2009 17:00

To be blunt he appears to be a waste of space that you are supporting. I'd get shoot if only so you can get the 25% single persons Council tax discount.

Nighbynight · 13/04/2009 17:24

He sounds a bit like my ex. This is NOT a traditional setup, though they try to pass it off as one. In the traditional setup, the man earns the money!!

Is he actively job-hunting, because if not....

violethill · 13/04/2009 17:51

If one parent is working full time and the other is at home then of course they should do the shopping/housework/cooking etc etc. What planet is he on??

daftpunk · 13/04/2009 18:09

yanbu....but he'll never change, except it or get out.

ThingOne · 13/04/2009 19:48

He sounds selfish and lazy. I've been ill with cancer for two years and in that time have done the vast majority of the housework, food shopping and washing. Anyone with any self-respect would pull their weight.

Illness is no excuse!

KimiAteTooManyEasterEggs · 13/04/2009 19:57

YANBU I would tell him as he is unable to provide for his family financially he needs to get off his arse and look after them in other ways.

Lazy sod.
His diabetes will get worse sitting on his backside all day btw

Original poster

iloveolives · 13/04/2009 19:57

thank-you for your replies everyone. I wanted some honest opinions and feel i have had that and also some great advice. thank you for the links TrillianEAstraEgg.

Also, Moondog, am still new to all this and wondered if this was to me or someone else
"[Oh and your dd really needs to get to bed earlier.] " - soz to sound silly and ask!

OP posts:

moondog · 14/04/2009 14:58

Sorry Olives, I think I was getting confused with another thread with someone saying similar.

alittlebittired · 14/04/2009 15:15

YANBU - Good luck whatever you decide to do about him.

mumeeee · 15/04/2009 00:07

YANBU. Has he always been like this or is he depressed because he has been made redundent and cannot find work. He should be doing jibs around the house and be more invoved in his childrens lives.

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