MIL acting like a teenage, spending inheritance and generally is strange! :)

[Hesdoneitagain]

Background

My DP and I have been together nearly 3 years. His father (mid 50s) died just before I met him of a heart attack. His mom and is dad had been married 35 years happily. She was obviously devastated and my DP spent a lot of time having meals with her etc.

Anyway, first time I met her she said (in front of my DP) that his sister was her favourite child and also when we were on our own told me she hadn't liked his ex and could I get him to lose weight as she thought he was fat

Then about 4 months later she met another man. They started dating and we all went out together to a band at a family club. She spent the night dirty dancing with this man, snogging etc not only in front of my DP but also all his friends who were there. She also made lots of comments to me (and in front of DP) that they'd 'just got out of bed' and various other sexual comments.

Since then she sold the family house and moved in with the new man (told me but not DP, just before we went on holiday and made me swear to secrecy, thanks a lot), she has also done many more displays of ridiculous 'affection' in front of DP, including introducing a cock ring (!) at a family Christmas party in front of my 3 year old DD!! This is difficult for him as his dad has recently died and I understand his mom's right to a new life but think she could be more sensitive? She also told DP he wasnt welcome Xmas day as she and her new man wanted to snuggle up and spend it alone!!

Her new man loves cars - she has had 10 cars in the last 2 years, including 2 porsches, she buys new then part exchanges again and again, must lose a fortune. He doesn't work and she's bought him a brand new motorbike etc.

Question is, DP was made redundant before Christmas and didn't find a new job for 2 months. She sent him a £20 note. I know its her money to do with as she pleases but when she knows he and his sister are struggling financially is it nice parental behaviour to buy so many new cars?? Its like she's just burning the money in front of him!

Would like to hear other perspectives...

Wow, sounds very much like my MIL! She remortgaged the mortgage free house, became very 'sexual', lots of men, spending money holidaying with boyfriend etc. I don't see it as DHs inheritance, but the fact she chooses this lifestyle over her son and grandchildren hurts. It's all very deep and complex, but, very similar patterns to your MIL. I think FIL was careful with money (made sure mortgage was paid off etc) and she's just gone the other way. I think all you can do (all we can do in our case) is just gentley try and be there, and definatly be ready for the crash

My dad died last year and my mum inherited a lot of money from his insurance ploicies and pensions. She has been having great fun spending it- holidays and a new kitchen. I'm really pleased for her.

However, I would be upset if she was spending it on a free-loading new partner. Sorry, but I would. That is my dad's money that he worked bloody hard for so my mum would have security should he die. If my mum meets another partner (which I hope she will one day), I would have no problem with them having holidays together or buying new cars together, but I would be cross if it was all one sided, which is how the OP sounds.

It's bad enough that my mum gives my waster brother loads of handouts all the time, at least he is my dad's son!

Also, the displays of affection all sound OTT and the actions of a woman who is probably still grieving. I feel sorry for her and the OP's dh. I would be upset if this was my mum too.

"We don't care re her spending the money."

"I just grew up in a family that would offer to help if a child were made redundant, not greet them with news of their new car."

So you do clearly care that she is spending (not THE but HER) money on something you disapprove of rather than giving it to you. Your dh may still be her child but he is an adult man with his own family. If you didn't have savings (I am presuming he didn't receive a redundancy package?) to last the two months he was out of work, especially as you've already had lump sums from your parents, then I don't see it is your MIL's job to supply the lack.

I know a few people who are most definitely sitting there eyeing their parents with a 'one day all this will be mine' gleam in their eye and some are quite happy to try to cadge a bit beforehand too. It is very unattractive.

There's a big difference between a parent helping when there is real need and they are able to do so and them being viewed as a source of extra dosh which just happens to be in their name at the moment rather than in the name of the 'child'.

Her boyfriend does sound a bit of a knob and it does sound as though she's going completely OTT with her 'sexual woman' act but hopefully it's a phase she'll pass through.

Hi everyone, thanks for all your responses, good to get different viewpoints.

I think the main thing is worry for her. She sold the house and is now living at his and hence is quite vulnerable if she spends all the money then he asks her to leave.

I think all the overt sexual stuff really upset my DP as he was grieving for his dad and it all felt too soon. Everytime he went round to the family house (before she sold it) he felt like an unwanted guest as the new P was always there, sitting in his dad's chair etc.

Once she'd met this new P she stopped seeing my DP, was always too busy, when before they'd been very close as he was trying to spend lots of time with her after his dad died.

I think she is still grieving perhaps and there is also a sense of her being 'let off the leash'. I think her marriage was a happy one but she confided to me (tmi!!) that it was sexless for a good few years before DP 's father died.

We will continue to try to support her. Suppose it just feels to my DP that his mom has been replaced by a teenager!! (especially when he gets phone calls saying 'its all over come and pick me up NOW', and then they get back together the next day ).

Didn't understand the ski holiday thing?

Skiing means spending the kids' inheritance. The DM are always featuring aged slebs bragging about it.

I'm in the fortunate position of having a MIL who loathes me so much that it would never occur to me to expect any money from her. It does make life a lot simpler.

Ski-ing = Spending the Kids' Inheritance

Happens to late middle aged people who are retired young enough and with enough money to gad about a bit. Which in itself is good of course, but the OP's MIL sounds as though she is being a bit rash financially (and emotiionally and sexually).

Don't think there is much you can do other than try and get her to invest sensibly.