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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's wrong to call a 14 month old a "little liar"?

24 replies

MamaChris · 12/04/2009 19:51

DS's dad doesn't like that he always gets fruit after tea even when he hasn't finished his main. He often comments that his mum wouldn't give him pudding if he hadn't finished his savoury. I like that DS (1) eats and (2) likes fruit. So last night he was feeding ds who hadn't finished his main plate (but had done well). When ds started on his fruit, his dad said "oh? so now you've found some room in that tummy? and you were too full a minute ago. you little liar. you're a little liar, aren't you?".

OK, so he was joking (in his way), and he doesn't withhold the fruit or anything, but I felt really uncomfortable at him calling his son that. ds is only 14 months old! AIBU to think this is out of order, or am I over reacting?

OP posts:

SmallShips · 12/04/2009 19:54

I think you are over reacting. He was joking, you even said he was joking and at 14mo hes not going to have a clue what you're on about really.

Seuss · 12/04/2009 19:56

The word 'liar' is a bit strong IMO but I guess if it was said in a jokey way, maybe, not sooo bad. I don't think you are BU but I wouldn't dwell on it too much.

Sorrento · 12/04/2009 19:58

Just ask him not to say that if it bothers you at the time.
My dad used to bounce DD on his lap calling her a little bastard with a big grin on his face, so completely joking but made me feel uncomfortable.

littleboyblue · 12/04/2009 19:58

I can see where you're coming from, not entirely sure what I think though, it's the same as when i tell my 20mo ds to stop being silly though. I wouldn't tell him he's stupid as that's too much of a negative word, i think silly's ok, but not sure about liar. I think I'd want my ds's to grow up knowing that telling lies in any form is very serious and should never be done, especially within the family, so although your ds's dad said ds was lying, I might have to address it and let him know how I feel about it before it gets to the stage where ds understands iyswim. So, I think I'm going to say, YANBU

FrannyandZooey · 12/04/2009 19:58

i would just say in a friendly way "aw, don't call him names. it sounds mean"
and hope he got the message
i don't know if he means anything by it but if it makes you feel uncomfortable hopefully he will stop

ComeOeufeneer · 12/04/2009 19:58

Yabu. In the context you have given it is an over-reaction.

MuffinBaker · 12/04/2009 19:59

It bothers you so he should do you the courtesy of not doing it again.

Most people can find room for pudding even when they feel full from the savoury meal.

onepieceofcremeegg · 12/04/2009 19:59

If this is just a one off jokey comment then YABU.

However if he makes a lot of odd comments that you don't feel comfortable with then maybe you are not over reacting? Hard for us to tell really.

MIAeatingeggs · 12/04/2009 20:01

Sounds as though he was just joking, but in a way that was making his point about him not thinking he should be having the fruit iyswim.

This is more of an issue about you agreeing how to handle mealtimes. FWIW, I prefer your approach. Finishing what is on your plate can become a battle and is not necessarily a good habit to get into anyway.

quickdrawmcgraw · 12/04/2009 20:04

dh's friend once called said 'that shut the bitch up' about my brand new 5 week old PFB when he rocked her to stop her crying. I don't think I was BU to mind about that even though he had also said it in a jokey way.

I got over it though and we made him godfather to DS.

DSM · 12/04/2009 20:06

You are overreacting. Its not a big deal.

BTW I agree with you, I don't think children should be forced to eat everything on their plate, and witholding fruit for not eating what you consider to be a full portion is absurd.

Original poster

MamaChris · 12/04/2009 20:07

"liar" seems so strong to me, and ds didn't say he was too full for his main (he's only got about 3 words so far!), so he wasn't actually lying either. I feel strongly that telling the truth is important, and want him to understand as he grows up that telling lies is wrong. that's probably why I don't like the word used in jest.

probably my reaction is also tinted by my feelings about some of the other ways his dad acts with him, I need to think hard to separate that out.

thanks for the responses - helps me get some perspective!

OP posts:

Seuss · 12/04/2009 20:10

There is a tendency to let things go if they are said in a jokey way. Members of my extended family are always calling their kids 'the little bitch' and similar and because they haven't said it about MY kids I've let it go - but I really don't like it.

juneybean · 12/04/2009 20:12

I think you are being a bit sensitive but do agree that puddings shouldn't be witheld as "punishment" for not eating main.

It's no wonder today's children are so picky.

cupofteaplease · 12/04/2009 20:14

Sounds like a jokey comment to me.

StercusAccidit · 12/04/2009 20:16

Child psychologists say that if you call a child something often enough, it will become what it is called.

I agree.

How the hell would DP feel if he was called a liar, even jokingly?

Ok so maybe i might breed a total and utter sensitivity to such things in my own DS but i teach him namecalling isn't right under any circumstances so i wouldn't let an adult call him names either..even jokingly, if i caught them, i'd come down on them like a ton of bricks.

They would have a bluey if my DS called them a liar/ect so it is only fair.

YANBU

DontlookatmeImshy · 12/04/2009 20:25

Even though he's joking, 'liar' does seems a bit strong. If our ds's do stuff like this we call them 'little monkey' or similar. I think he could choose a better word/phrase even if it is only a joke.

I can understand why it bugs you though. My ds1 was messing about when my parents were over and did something that might have ended up with me calling him a 'silly billy' but my dad choose to call him 'idiot' . I was not impressed, especially as ds1 is 3.

StercusAccidit · 12/04/2009 20:29

IMO people call kids names but then have a fit when kids call names or get called names @ school... how unfair is that? Kids learn by example.

Original poster

MamaChris · 12/04/2009 21:09

I agree SA. I try and treat ds as I hope he will treat me and this was totally opposite to that. but I also know other people can find me a bit over sensitive, so I often don't have the confidence to act on my feelings.

hmm. need to think this one through.

OP posts:

motherlovebone · 13/04/2009 00:50

I loathe that word!

Fibber we say

steviesgirl · 13/04/2009 02:11

You're over reacting. Although I agree that the word liar is a bit horrible to describe a toddler. I wouldn't lose any sleep over that one though. Just tell your dh in future if you don't like that particular word; although I still think it's an over reaction on your part. It was only said in jest, just not the right choice of words maybe.

StercusAccidit · 13/04/2009 06:29

I hate any form of namecalling

I will not tolerate it to or from any child, or adult to a child.

Not even as a 'joke' these things said can be very hurtful and IMO hurtful things are often 'disguised' as a joke.

Nighbynight · 13/04/2009 06:43

I agree it is a bit unwise to label even a toddler by calling them a liar, and you were justified in feeling uncomfortable. But would introduce the subject tactfully with your dh, who probably hasnt thought it through.

my mother used to label us with names, and we did take them seriously, eg I really believed I was "Miss Fuss." A childs vocabulary is small compared to an adults, and what the parents say is very important. I wish my mother had been a bit more positive, she always focussed on the negative for her stupid little nicknames.

junglist1 · 13/04/2009 08:32

I think it really depends on the way it was said,for example if it was said in "babyspeak" I don't think it would bother me. But you obviously don't like it so if it happens again just tactfully put a stop to it.

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