to be annoyed with my sisters husband??

[macdoodle]

Now I am really not sure so am fully prepared to be told IABU !

Short background, I am finally in the process of divorcing my H after 10 years of EA I have 2 wonderful well behaved DD's (DD1 is 7 and DD2 is 15 months)! So I may be a little oversenstive!

I am very very close to my younger sister (10 years younger), she adores my DD's and often comes to visit us (without her DH) and help/spend time/babysit for me
We dont often go visit them, because of various reasons - it is easier with the DD's in our house, it is about a 4 hour drive, they have a biggish dog, they have a small house etc - the last time we stayed must be more than 6 months ago!
So we decide to spend some time together over easter, and I ask if she would prefer us to come to them for a change, so she doesnt have to leave DH (though he is always welcome in my house, he rarely comes think he finds the DD's a bit much),and we can have some days out
She seems pleased, I check whether her DH will mind as she says of course not!

Now I like my BIL, he is a good guy, we get on well, and DD1 adores him, but he is a lot younger than me and a bit immature, sister does complain about him not doing enough in the house and money always seems to be an issue (he earns a lot more than dsis but considers it "his money" , they are trying for a baby but I think this is much more dsis than him!

However since we have been here, IMO he has been rude, ignorant and lazy!!
Dsis has done all the cooking, and he hasnt even been bothered to take the dishes in the kitchen, I have been helping her cook and clear up, but TBH am getting mighty fed up, I have a dishwasher at home and am doing more washing up here than I do at home - he gets up from the table and plonks himself in front of the TV as soon as he is finished
He informed us that he will be watching superbike racing every night from 5:30-9:30 and that is that, he woouldnt let my sis watch something she wanted (and me and our mum TBH), its a small house with no other TV so we are all sat listening to the drone of superbikes every night !!
Last night we all decamped to my sis bedroom to watch a movie on my laptop - IMO the height of bad manner making guests sit in the bedroom
He has refused to come on any outings with us (except to MacDonalds), and yesterday we were out ALL day, so he had all day to himself, he was upstairs on the computer when we got in and didnt come down at all till dinner was ready , I had to politely ask him if I could put DD2 to bed as the computer is in the spare room where we are sleeping!
We asked him if he would babysit DD2 tonight while he was watching the superbikes (she will be asleep and never wakes up), so we could take DD1 to the movies - and he looked most unimpressed at the idea, so I guess DD1 will go with dsis and I get to stay in and listen to superbikes !!

Now I know its his house, and I guess maybe he finds us all hard work, but why didnt he say instead of making us all feel awkward!!
We could have stayed in a hotel or not come at all TBH
He really is quite lazy and am having my doubts whether they are ready to have a baby if this is how he behaves !!!

Sorry so long ...so AIBU???

I think it shows a lack of respect in a marriage when the man (and it is usually the man) behaves like this to the wife's guests. I bet that when his parents/friends stay at their house your Dsis is a charming hostess and provides meals, clean beds, does all she can to make the stay fun but the same courtesy is not extended from him to "her" visitors.

My friend's DH is like this. She makes huge efforts for his friends and family but when we stayed (the only friends of hers who ever had) he ignored us and played video games while we ate. We can't have insulted him as we had never really met him properly. It speaks volumes about his attitude to the relationship imo.

what a pig.
unfortunately people are only a doormat if they lie down and let themselves be walked on which is what i think has happened here with your sister yes he does have bad manners and doesn't understand compromise it seems but its your sisters choice for herself.
also you say he did express to your sister who then related it back to you that he finds the kids difficult/hard work but then in your post you ask why he didn't say that he finds you hard work instead of making you feel awkward? well he acually did beforehand but you overrode it and went to stay there anyway! if you didn't listen first time maybe hes just now making his feelings REALLY clear :-)
i wouldn't say anything to your sis shes probably feeling torn between you both as it is.