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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be furious about friend being TWO hours late home when I am babysitting?

49 replies

dreamteamgirl · 11/04/2009 01:32

I am spitting right now

My DS is away for the night with his dad. My 'friend'/ neighbour asked if I could sit for her. She said from 8.30-11.30 so I agreed

It is now almost 1.30 and no sign of her, although she has finally replied to my text to say 'yes soon, I am tired'. Well so I am I!!!

I agreed to sit thinking her au pair was away and it was a previous arrangement and so I didnt mind helping out. Came over to find out it is her and her DH, double dating with the au pair and a friend of theirs. AND the 3 year old wasn't asleep, so I had to actually childmind and get her off to bed as well as sit in her house.

Its my one night off from DS for heavens sake (am single working parent)- I wanted to get an early night so I can tidy up before DS gets home, and now I am going to be exhausted.

So, AIBU to be furious about her doing this?

OP posts:

BiscuitStuffer · 12/04/2009 20:50

Yes please come back and tell us what happened next.

purplesponge · 12/04/2009 21:09

I had this happen to me a few times when babysitting, and also once when babysitting for my nanny boss. It is extremely rude and it's basically saying 'our needs are more important than yours'. They also have you over a barrel at the time because they know you cannot and would not just up and leave. I made sure I had a conversation about it with my nanny employer the next day, she was very apologetic so I didn't have to 'lay it on thick' but I did tell her it really wasn't on. She never did it again!

BalloonSlayer · 12/04/2009 21:20

YANDBU... HAVE to share an experience of mine. A friend asked me to babysit (incl give child tea and put to bed) when I was a penniless student. Her normal babysitter (whom she paid) was unavailable. She asked me to get there at 6.30pm - and it was an hour's drive.

When I got there she said "we should be home by 1.30"

I was clearly so she added "oh er well we'll try to get back earlier." They didn't.

The house was freezing. When she got back and saw me dozing covered with my coat she said - oh, you should have put the heating on. Er...How? If you didn't show me?

For this seven hours work (plus two hours travelling) she gave me a £2.99 bottle of wine.

No wonder the normal babysitter was "not available." I suspect she charged at least £5 per hour. I wouldn't accept money nowadays but then I was broke and she knew it.

sleeplessinstretford · 12/04/2009 21:48

jesus-a lone voice says-op sounds pissed off that she was out with the au pair double dating-jealous maybe?
if you agree to do someone a favour you can't really get pissed off with them (i lent someone money once and then got really really annoyed when they just blew it-it was nothing to do with me as it's nothing to do with you who\what they do when you are doing them a favour)
i would find out why 2 hours late-and half one on a bank holiday weekend isn't really that bad is it????i would be pissed off they didn't let me know what their ETA was going to be but shrugs it's half one not half 4....

lockets · 12/04/2009 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

iSOLOvechocolate · 13/04/2009 23:53

Sleepinginstretford, I'm slightly confused by your post, but regardless of who she went with, the friend/neighbour was definitely taking the michael. It was a favour yes, but the favour was supposed to end at 11.30, not at 2.30. I hope OP gave her what for, but I wish she'd come and tell us about it.

sleeplessinstretford · 14/04/2009 00:00

well surely if you agree to sit for someone it shouldn't matter what they are doing or who they are doing it with-wondered why OP said she was out with au pair-why does that make a difference?
the timing is shit but to be honest-it's weekend,it's bank holiday-and while it's not ideal it's hardly 4am is it? i probably wouldn't sit again but shrugs

iSOLOvechocolate · 14/04/2009 00:05

But being BH weekend is more of a reason to not take the mick surely? it wasn't just the neighbours BH weekend, it was everyone's and that did include the OP.

sleeplessinstretford · 14/04/2009 00:10

point being-i have issues with this kind of thing (while totally understanding the op's pov) it's not like she had anything pressing to do the next day-an adult woman should be able to function on 6.5 hours kip and she'd still be up by 9am to do whatever else-like i said,it's not ideal and i probably wouldn't sit again for them but it is only 2am-grown women don't turn into a sodding pumpkin at that time do they?

iSOLOvechocolate · 14/04/2009 00:14

But it's not the point is it?

sleeplessinstretford · 14/04/2009 00:22

and i've said that it isn't ideal haven't i? i just don't happen to think it's as unreasonable as everyone else does is all...

iSOLOvechocolate · 14/04/2009 00:41

ok.

MuffinToptheMule · 14/04/2009 09:40

I've been in this situation loads of times for different families. I wasn't doing them a favour though, I was working.
One family said they should be back at around one o'clock. They actually returned at 5am. I had been there since 5pm. The heating wasn't on and I didn't know how to turn it on. There was no food. I never babysat for them again.

Another time my mother boss asked me to babysit. I told her I couldn't as I already had plans for that night. After much pleading from mother boss and her telling me that they were not going to be late (they said they would be back no later than 10.30) I agreed. I had a birthday party to go to, so I had ordered a taxi to pick me up at 10.45.

It gets to 10.35 and I get a call from mother boss saying that they are just going to call a taxi now and they will be home soon. They got back at 12pm. I have never been so pissed off before. When father boss came back he said he was annoyed that he was being dictated to by the babysitter about what time he should be back. I said that he should talk with his wife about the prior agreed arrangement.

I hate it when people take the piss like this. They know you cannot leave their children so they just don't come back when they say they will.

TrillianAstra · 14/04/2009 09:50

YANBU.

If you agree to do a favour for someone that lasts until 11.30 they should try to be back by that time. Simple. not necessarily worth falling out about, but definitely needs addressing.

(I agree that it doesn't matter why they were out or who with, if theyare out with the au pair or just at the same time as the au pair is irrelevant)

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/04/2009 12:12

DREAMTEAMGIRL what did you say when they got back/next day?

we NEED to know

StealthPolarBear · 14/04/2009 12:34

sleepless I think she explained that her friend was on a double date with the au pair as usually the au pair would babysit.

How naughty would it be to take the number of a VERY expensive and well respected nannying agency and call them as soon as it becomes clear they're going to be late.

"I told you I had to leave at 11.30 and you agreed so I arranged this replacement. They charge £200/hr"

Ok you wouldn't leave the children with someone they don't know but it would be very tempting!

pavlov, I don't think it's the same if the babysitter is actually sleeping over - presumably she just went to bed when she wanted to? Obviously it's not ideal but she wasn't wasting time sitting in a freezing housewatching the clock!

tootyflooty · 14/04/2009 12:48

my sil did this, she collected my dh and our 2dc at 11.00 am on a sat, she was supposed to be home by 8pm, I went to her house were she had left "dinner" for us ( a small ready meal between 4 !!!) at 9pm she called to say they had missed their train, and now wouldn't be home until 10pm, it caused a row between me and my dh as our own kids were bored and tired from being stuck in a small house with a toddler and tiny baby all day, the weather was so bad they had only been out briefly. I think she was extremley selfish, if you have to be home by 8.00 you leave to come home well in advance of that time. my dh wants to be able to help his sis but she really took the p--s. I drove home with our dc and she then had to drive my dh home when she and her dh got in.She is always very selfish like this and didn't give a thought to my own dc to have to be stuck in someone elses house with very little to do on a saturday which is the only time dh gets to do stuff then

qwertpoiuy · 14/04/2009 12:56

YANBU. With my paid babysitter, I am never a minute later than I said I'd be coming home. Don't ever offer to babysit for her again.

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/04/2009 14:52

tootyflooty - why didnt the children come to your house instead of your dh and children going to theirs?

would have made life easier

but yes cheeky of her, though sometimes people do miss trains

Original poster

dreamteamgirl · 16/04/2009 12:46

Hi chaps

Sorry for delay coming back- I lost my home internet connection GRRRRRRRR

sleeplessinstretford -what a strange idea! No, not at all jealous!! A little peed off, that I got a breathless phonecall to say 'I don't suppose you could sit for A tonight for a couple of hours' giving the impression it was something important and that things had gone wrong, when it turned out to just be a p* up and not anything wrong with au pair and not a preplanned meal with friends or 40th birthday party or well something I would consider very important (aware that what I consider important and others do could differ!!)

Everyone else, I DIDNT go ape that night. They finally came in a little before 3am, so instead of doing 3 hours sitting I had done 6.5. I just packed my bits up as soon as I heard gate and left out of front door as they came in back, the second they walked in. I was totally exhausted, and did sleep a little late the next day (yes I can survive on 6.5 hours sleep, but I do rely on the odd DS free night to catch up on my sleep!!)

I didnt respond to her text the next day, as I was too angry and didnt want to have a fight, but she then an apology at about 5pm, and she also sent au pair over day after that to ask if I needed some time off and saying she would take DS to the park, which was kind of her. I told her when I saw her that I was upset at her, and that she 'owed me one' All in very calm and grown up LOL

Thanks for your kind words, and for letting me vent- and agreeing I wasnt BU-and sleepless thank you for contributing a differing view point.

OP posts:

sleeplessinstretford · 16/04/2009 13:27

hey-i'm managing to offend just about everyone on here today/this week. Just thought it wasn't THAT bad and was curious as to mention of where and who-i did say i wouldn't sit again though and despite my being relatively calmly typing away-depending on how much/little sleep our little treasure had let me have i could just as easily been raging like a tasmanian devil had i been in the same situation. readjust tin helmet

Original poster

dreamteamgirl · 16/04/2009 13:50

I didn't take offence at all sleepless
And you are more than entitled to your view. Sometimes it is almost brave to give it when everyone else disagrees

Trouble with 'tinternet is one never knows what tone of voices ones words will be read in

Hope tin helmet is helping you keep safe

OP posts:

sleeplessinstretford · 16/04/2009 14:13

i don't know,they might be reassembling their troops eek i am being besieged by hairyankledfleecewearingyoghurtweavingtoddlerfeeders...

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/04/2009 14:30

dreamteamgirl - glad your neighbour reliesed she had been unreasonable

sometimes cool and calm works better than yelling

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