AIBU to absolutely hate my PIL long sorry

[ChezzaB]

When DS was about 9mo we asked my mom to look after him for the day so we could get some stuff done, which she happily said yes to, then we got a text from MIL asking if she could come round to see DS to which we said no cos he is with his nan. She was well PO'd. We just thought she would get over it however the next day she sent DP a text saying she needed to come over and could she do this on the Monday morning (knowing I guess that I would be at work) So she turns up crying her eyes out and saying to DP that she feels that she doesn't see DS enough and that FIL hardly ever sees him at all etc etc!!! She then goes on to say "you never bring him round to our house" (she has 2 Yorkshire Terriers who fight with each other and bite and she won't put them in another room while my DS is there so IMO it wouldn't be safe for my DS to be there especially as he is mobile and wants to be walking/crawling etc!
So anyway DP tells her this and she says she understands bout that bit but she would still like to see him more. This was all relayed to me on my lunch break so I go back to work in a foul mood!
Worse still to come.... Bout a month later we decide to tell everyone our happy news that we are expecting DS2, we had been for 12 week scan and invited MIL round to tell her, we showed her the scan and she just said oh is this another one!!!! No congratulations nothing! We went for a walk with her and DS so she could 'spend time with him' and she waits till DP is out of earshot and says to me " well I guess you got what you wanted then" I was like "WHAT" and she replies with well you managed to get him to propose and now you've got you're 2nd child too!!!" IMO and in JK's words it takes two to make a baby!!!
I am now 21weeks and DS just had his 1st birthday and we got this absolutely rubbish present from them I mean it was really skanky also the card which we want to put in his special things box didn't say grandson and didn't even say 1st birthday it was just generic! I know it's not about receiving things but my mom has bought us loads of stuff, loads and loads of clothes and she is a single mother of 4 with 2 grandchildren and 2 on the way and we have never had anything from her even DP noticed it the other day.! MIL is I think jealous of the relationship I have with my mom and obviously I will spend time with her when we go for coffee etc so invariably she spends more time with DS! and then to hack me off even more we invited them round to watch DS open his presents and she sat there and took pictures of my DN all morning and totally ignored DS so she obviously isn't that bothered! We then had a little party for DS the next day and they both came but while I was upstairs with DS showing my friend and her mom the nursary FIL just left didn't say goodbye or anything to me or DS and I was like WTF! I just don't get it! Sorry to ramble but just needed to off load! Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way or am IBtotallyU

Oh bubblagirl that's awful, how can people be so cruel

I never understand how people can be so cruel,bubblagirl. I really feel for your mother-she doesn't stand a chance, whatever she does.

i know its so sad as my brother is my twin and his son has no relationship with us at all shes gradually stopping him from seeing my bro and has told him she is changing his name so is the same surname as her new daughter

sad thing is the only boy to carry on our families name

she wont reply to our messages tells my mum she'll come round and doesnt declined us going there so much we stopped trying

my nephew is so gorgeous we always send gifts easter b day x mas his not forgotten but she dont appreciate any of them her family always buy bigger and better

YANBU with being peed with the nasty comments. I tolerate my MIL but she has been quite abusive. I do think YABU with the complaints over cards and pressies. I often get cards which are generic and 'to the twins' or 'to the kids' or 'to a special boy' with an 's' added to say boys with a biro! Never bothers me, it's a card. My kids are taught to be grateful for any thought/gift even if it's not their type of thing. MIL used to buy me size 8/10 dresses (I am a 14) and worn charity shop clothes in old lady style. I am not sure it was to be bitchy but I never said anything. At their house SFIL smoked cigars and the dogs licked DC but we still went just asked if he could smoke outside and dog not too close. Things have gradually got better over the years as we both had to comprimise and not get our own way.

Your MIL sounds really childish.

I wouldn't take anything she says seriously or personally because she's obviously not a very nice person.

Just make sure your DCs see the grandmothers equally and rise above any nastiness. If she says anything nasty, simply say, "If you've nothing nice to say, please don't say anything at all,"

That way you stay sane and keep the moral high ground. Make sure you get on with your own life, have your own little family time because that's important too.

And don't let anyone sully your enjoyment of your pregnancy and your new baby. Congratulations!

The thing that stood out for me was the present/ card issue. Just because it doesn't say 'grandson' or '1st' doesn't mean they haven't put any thought into it - that and the comment about the present comes across as ungrateful. What is more important a 'special things box' or the actual relationship your DS shares with his gps?

As far as DS sleeping in someones arms I don't think it happens often enough to make it a habit and at least he is getting a sleep. If you trust someone to babysit you have to trust them to make decisions in your absence.

Her comments about the second pregnancy were nasty though.

I agree with winkywinkola, she MIL does sound childish and can be abit nasty and it is a bit naive to suggest she didn't mean anthing by her comment of you got what you wanted. However, having said that, in time things will get easier between you, but you do have to to make more of an effort to make things as fair as you can between the Grandparents.

There will be some difference as you get on with your Mum better obviously, but when it comes to time alone with DC then you should try and involve your PIL as much as possible.

Hate is a strong word to use and hopefully, as time goes by you will see your DS build a good relationship with your PIL and that helps you to be less critical of them as you will see your DS get a different experience from each of them.

So many typos in that last post

im envious my now xmil did not even acknowledge my dc i had with her ds , even though tried to encourage it as much as could even to point of offering to take them over to see her as she and xfil thought the 15 miles was to far for them to drive .

and now i divoiced there ds they have dropped both dc totaly not even a card despite me telling them they are always welcome to see ,talk to the dc