to think that MIL knew exactly what she was saying and be a bit upset...

[ickletickle]

so she's sitting there at lunch and says she doesnt have enough money for herself because spends so much money on presents for other people, like DD and sending flowers to DH's aunty who is sick on behalf of DH (we sent our own get well soon card...)

so i said, well DD has plenty of everything, dont feel you need to buy her anything and we will of course contribute to cost of flowers. ooh no thats not what i meant i wouldnt take mone off you... blah blah blah....(so why did you say i am thinking..)

DH says she doesnt think before she opens her mouth ... I am a bit peeved to be honest.
s

sorry, probably a very boring post. had to get it off my chest

Silly bat.

I think you said exactly the right thing.

If she chooses to buy presents and leave herself short (if that's the truth) then it's her choice. It's not like you are asking her to do it... some people just enjoy being a marty...

Try to just roll your eyes and let it go, don't let it come between you and DH, it's just not worth it. Trust me x

marty??.... LOL... not sure what happened there 'martyr' of course.

Some people do things for others or give gifts out of the goodness of their hearts and others do it because they want gushing thanks and heaps of praise and everyone to feel they are wonderful. Maybe she falls into the latter camp and felt not enough attention had been given to her generosity?

(you might want to ignore me though, I'm in a bit of a mood )

Not boring, hope it is better for venting? There are several kinds of MILs - some are nice, some are not. The "sneaky" kind of MILs always know exactly what they are saying, and thay always say what they mean, but disguised, IYKWIM? They have had decades to hone their skills. Nothing they say is without "meaning" IMO.

yabu

better that she is kindly but needy than just needy or nasty or undermining or any other of the mn mil stereotypes

I love to agree with my mil as it nonpluses her

ie
Aren't those girls very spoilt?
Me
Yes very (but in a really engaged hanging on your every word way)

She truly has no idea what to do

Hecate/nightcrawler - just the type of MIL's we aspire not to be!!!

Oh & OP, YA NOT BU

Ronaldinhio - it is NOT 'kindly' to buy things, then to complain about having no money because you have done so, especially to the person you have bought things for... it is rude.

there is some kindness in what she does just not charidee as she needs to be observed and praised...lots of people are like this

I doubt she means to be rude and would probably be horrified to consider that she comes across in this way

ChippingIn - I am a MIL myself and I know what kind I don't want to be! Grown up DD says I am a great MIL to DSIL, but I have never asked him - how on earth does one pose the question? I suspect that DD is measuring me against her MIL and (especially, FIL), who are , by her account, a bit of a horror. DSIL also says that they are rather a nightmare, and they are his parents, ooer.