to expect PIL to look after DS when they said they would even though we hadn't got round to confirming 100%

[countrylover]

There are valid reasons we haven't got round to confirming - DH got made redundant last week, I'm 38 weeks pregnant and we had a bit of a scare last weekend which resulted in a scan at the hospital on Monday.

Anyway they knew about all of this and confirming 100% that they were going to have DS on Saturday night wasn't top of the agenda.

If it was me at some point I would have said, so are we still having DS at the weekend? But no, they didn't say anything, got in a huff (is this 'normal' behaviour for adults?) and then when I spoke to MIL last night to confirm arrangements she said, oh we're not around, we're going away for the weekend now. She also mentioned that she'd been waiting to hear back from us to confirm. I was so cross at that point that I couldn't trust myself to say well, why didn't you ask DH on Tuesday when you spoke to him??

I wouldn't mind but being 38 weeks pregnant I was really looking forward to some time off from DS and also one final afternoon/evening of peace and quiet with DH before DS2 arrives. What with the redundancy and the scare last weekend, I really didn't need this. I now feel as if I've done something wrong and to be honest it's really upset me. It's not the first time something like this has happened - they're slightly odd (aren't all PIL's?!) and they really don't know how to communicate/get things out in the open/deal with their emotions)

Why couldn't they have just called and said I know you've had a lot on your mind but could you just confirm that we're having DS this weekend because otherwise we'd like to make plans?

AIBU??????

poor you. I really can see why you're upset.

But to be fair to them, it wasn't a confirmed arrangement and the onus was on you, as much as them to confirm what was happening at the weekend.

I can see both sides
Perhaps it will be nice to spend your last family bank holiday with just ds?
and with a redundancy maybe better to save the cash and stay home anyway?

yabu - if you wanted them to babysit you should have asked them if they could babysit.

They are probably just as annoyed as you are that you suggested you might need them to babysit and then didn't confirm whether you did nor not. What were they supposed to do. Put their Easter Week-end on hold waiting for you to make your mind up? Is that really what you expected?

Yeah, it's all fine and it will be lovely to spend the weekend with DS, it's no big deal but it's the principle! The principle of communication which is massively lacking in their family. They're the type that never ever talk about emotions, brush things under the carpet, don't want to get involved in anything that might involve emotions or issues being discussed.

I guess it's a wider problem really and lets face it at 38 weeks pregnant, I'm not in the best frame of mind to deal with shit like this. I was brought up to talk about things in the open, not get in 'moods' and certainly not play games. It's the game playing which gets me, it's something that teenagers do surely?

The other issue is that they are meant to be on standby to have DS anyway should I go into labour. We also have my parents too but to go away the weekend before I'm due is just a bit odd isn't it? They live a lot closer than my parents who are three hours away so effectively we could be a bit stuck if I got into labour tomorrow.

They're going away to prove a point - that they're cross we didn't confirm. DH's brother has confirmed that this is definitely the case. It all just seems so childish to me.

i can see why you are stressed and upset, but if you wanted the baby sitting the onus is on you to confirm, it is easter bank holiday, they might want to get away too.

i'm afraid you cannot expect people to live their life aroudn your life

if this is a pattern of behaviour from them, then you have to suck it up, however childish

at the end of the day, you wanted the baby sitting, you have a lot on your mind, granted, but you should have confirmed, that is good manners

also, if you were going away, then you can;t expect them to stick around in case you go into labour, what if oyu went into laboru while you were away?

If they are childish game players that is sad and a shame for you to deal with.

However, if you know that they are like this, then you really should have confirmed if you wanted to go away.

Do you know what? You're all right - I am indeed being unreasonable! Can I blame it on being at the end of my pregnancy and therefore at the end of my tether?

yep, you can !

YANBU on the face of it - all they had to do was ask DH on Tuesday as you say. They didn't even have to make a separate phonecall by the sounds of it.

I can see why you sound aggrieved, almost as if they are waiting for you to trip yourself up.

I suppose it depends how definite your plans were in the first place. If you said, 'We're going away, can you have DS on X weekend, we'll get back to you about the details' that is one thing.

If you said you were thinking about going away and had no definite plans and didn't come out and ask them specifically then maybe I can understand it a bit.

However, it could all have been cleared up with one phone call and if they are now getting huffy about it because they were playing games and didn't want to phone then that is just plan silly.

I would think about other arrangements for your time in hospital. I wouldn't be 100% keen on relying on them tbh.

If the arrangement for your PILs to have your DS for the night was still pending, they should definitely have checked with you before making alternative arrangements. YANBU.

FWIW countrylover, I sort of know where you are coming from. My MIL is weird sometimes over baby sitting arrangements and once let us down a week before we were going away for a wedding (it had all been confirmed but she claimed to have booked something for that weekend, so couldn't do it) . We had to rearrange plans and take the DC with us

Because of that we are super wary and cautious of any arrangements we make with her, and in fact avoid asking her at all if we can.

I hope you enjoy your weekend anyway

I don't think you were being unreasonable. If there was an unconfirmed arrangement , they should have double checked before they made their plans, especially in the circumstances you describe.

i see both sides and you are both to blame

you hadnt 100% confirmed and maybe they thought because of your scare/redundancy etc that you might not want them to babysit, as you hadnt mentioned it again

on the other hand if i had been asked to have my grandchild,i wouuld have rang and confirmed that plans were still going ahead BEFORE making other plans

blame your dh - he should have also confirmed

your pils cant stay in for the next month( if 2 weeks late) till you go into labour - but on the other hand they did say they would be on call - if you did go into labout this weekend (2 weeks early) would they comehome fromwhere they are?

is there someone else/ a friend/ dh brother who could have ds for the day/night to give you a break?

What BonsoirAnna said.

YANBU - given the circumstances. If I had offered (or been asked and said yes) to babysit and all this had happened, I would have asked before making other plans.

As for going away... depends how far away they are going I suppose and if they would come straight back BUT if I had offered to be the one to have your DS when you have the baby I wouldn't have gone at this stage of your pregnancy (esp with all the stress etc) I would want to be around and help with DS to make life easier for you....

They are being childish and pathetic - but don't hold your breath for this to change anytime soon!!

How is DH? Hope he finds another job soon and that you are ok in the meantime.