Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to think my GP should not want to speak to my DH before helping me.

22 replies

NoseyHelen · 08/04/2009 23:33

I went to GP yesterday on the advice of my Health Visitor. She thinks I have PND. I don't think I do although I am struggling with a baby and a toddler. On occassions I feel unable to cope but I suspect this is quite normal and in line with a previous history of some depression and counselling.

My GP wanted to focus on PND only and nt look at a wider issue and therefore we could only progress forward once he had spoken to DH to see if I have changed since having the baby. If not baby related he thinks there is no problem. I said DH can't come to see him due to work commitments.

I was a bit put out that he couldn't just hear what I had to say and I think I do need some help, perhaps some counselling but not sure.

So, am I being unreasonable? I don't feel that I can go back unless I take DH with me (+ 2 children so a real family outing).

OP posts:

nancy75 · 08/04/2009 23:35

thats ridiculous, what would your gp do if you were a single parent,tell you he couldnt diagnose you?

Uriel · 08/04/2009 23:38

Could you go back and see a different GP?

Claire2009 · 08/04/2009 23:38

Thats disgusting!
I went to the GP when my dd was 4mths old and said about possibly having pnd etc etc, sat in there crying was really down. She said "you're baby is happy, well fed, looked after ...your fine go for a walk"

I went back to France shortly after that where I was then diagnosed with pnd and I had it after my son also.

Btw I was in the UK as I'd split with my dp. I went back to France to be with him.

Original poster

NoseyHelen · 08/04/2009 23:41

He's actually the best GP there - the rest ar seriously incompetent.

OP posts:

Gentle · 08/04/2009 23:48

I have never heard of this happening before. It's mad that DH should be the deciding factor in your GP's diagnosis. Talk about making you feel even less in control than you already do.

"If not baby related he thinks there's no problem." He is thinking a bunch of old arse. If you and your HV are concerned enough about your health to ask him, then he should be taking it seriously. Also, is he saying that PND is serious but "ordinary" depression is okay?!

See what your HV thinks about this. I'm guessing s/he'll ask for another opinion.

Don't let your GP put you off exploring whether you have PND. I expressed similar things to a locum at my 6 week check and he sighed, rubbed his face and said "I'm sorry to tell you that that's just called being a parent." It took me another 2 years to get the courage up to see a GP again and I was diagnosed with severe depression. Everyone I spoke to after that was amazed that it had gone unchecked for so long. I feel I missed out on so much of DD's first 2 years.

Trust yourself, go back to someone at the practice, and insist on being seen on your own terms.

diedandgonetodevon · 08/04/2009 23:53

To be honest, most people do not recognise their own depression. I would have thought your DH's thoughts would have been useful in aiding his diagnosis.

theDreadPirateRabbits · 08/04/2009 23:56

Did your GP mean that if DH sees a difference he'll refer you for counselling? Or that if it's PND he'll just give you a script for 6 months and get you off the list? Doesn't sound at all right either way... Think you should go back and take him up on this. Without DH, and preferably without DCs too...

theDreadPirateRabbits · 08/04/2009 23:58

just to add, a big part of PND (for me anyway) is the feeling marginalised, and only existing in relation to other people (eg H and DC). Think your doctor needs pulling up sharpish for putting you in this position.

solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 09/04/2009 00:03

It's possible that what your GP wants is to tell your DH to be more supportive and helpful - is he (DH) being helpful or is he telling you to go and sort yourself out?

menareshit · 09/04/2009 00:05

see another g.p

theDreadPirateRabbits · 09/04/2009 00:14

Ooh, good point SGB...

Original poster

NoseyHelen · 09/04/2009 12:24

DH is supportive and GP knows that. I think he wants a 3rd person view of how I am but DH is working long hours so can't come for at least a month.
My GP is the best in the practice by a long margin so I'm not sure what to do next.

OP posts:

Uriel · 09/04/2009 12:28

If you're comfortable with the idea, could your DH write the GP a letter?
I know he shouldn't have to, but if it gets things moving...

JemL · 09/04/2009 12:31

Talk to the Health Visitor. If she is the one who suggested you go in the first place, she will probably be pretty annoyed.

I have been treated for depression in the past and I have never heard of a GP wanting to see a partner to make an assessment, although it would be appropriate for a counsellor to ask for joint sessions.

No, many people don't recognise their own depression, but professionals should have ways of assesing you without asking a third party...also many people with depression and PND are very adept at hiding their feelings, and often those around them think they are just fine, so would be useless in terms of making an accurate diagnosis!

Shambolic · 09/04/2009 12:39

It sounds wrong if he is insisting that he sees your DP.

I do know that recently my DH frog marched me to the GP as he was so worried, and insisted on coming in with me, as he was worried that I wouldn't want to /be able to articulate exactly how I was feeling and he wanted to be sure that it wasn't brushed off.

If your DH came in and said, yes she is completely different, a massive personality change, that is of value surely?

Definitely wrong that he has to see him though.

And that his dignosis would rest entirely on what your DH said is just plain weird.

Reallytired · 09/04/2009 12:39

My old GP did this when I had postnatal depression and it was bl**dy effective. The GP discussed with him, what our home life was like and whether my husband did anything to help out with broken nights.

At the time my husband did absolutely nothing to help me with broken nights. My GP got him to see that I needed more support.

I think your husband should take the time off and make the effort to see the GP with you. Its only one appointment.

Bramshott · 09/04/2009 12:43

I agree that it doesn't sound right, but if your DH is supportive, could he talk to the GP on the phone?

morningpaper · 09/04/2009 12:44

NoseyHelen: Can you contact your local Mind branch and ask for advice? Some have mental health advocacy services and might provide you with an advoate who can go with you to your GP. Asking to see your husband is bizarre.

morningpaper · 09/04/2009 12:45

good post from reallytired though

Shambolic · 09/04/2009 12:47

I wonder if it's an idea to give the GP the benefit of the doubt - what reallytired says makes a lot of sense.

It should be down to both parents to make things work and if the mother is bearing the brunt of it with no support then that can't be good.

Shambolic · 09/04/2009 12:59

Sorry helen just realised that I know nothing about your DH so that sounded a bit odd!

Bathsheba · 09/04/2009 13:07

My DH had quite severe mental health problems onver the last 4 years and I was begging my GP, the HV, the practise nurses and everyhting to take it seriously and hey insisted they could do absolutley nothing on my say so as his wife, they could ONLY go on what he said IF I could get him to go.

It was HUGELY frustrating - I could have taken up hours of psychiatrists time with what was wrong with him, how he had changed, how this was all affecting him and hiws work etc etc, but literally NO-ONE could see me about my DH's illness.

Its very strange that this GP will go completely against that

Flip