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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my DD (11) and my DS ( 4.5) can play unsupervised in the communal playground downstairs?

27 replies

chanelcandy · 07/04/2009 19:35

We live in an enclosed horseshoe shaped block of about 40 flats. There is a tiny playground in the middle and a paved area where all the children like to play as well. During the spring/summer months I often let both my children go downstairs to the playground (we are on the top floor) to play. I can hear them from my kitchen and I am happy that they are safe and socialising with their friends.
Tonight I just had a run in with a ground floor neighbour who says she is going to call social services about all the children that are allowed to play out unsupervised, including mine. I think she is BVU to suggest that I should sit out and watch both my children, when I can hear them from my kitchen, nobody else sits out with theirs either. To keep the peace I have said I'll only let my children play on the top floor balcony from now on but this isn't really fair on them. What do you think, was I in the wrong to let them play out without me there?

OP posts:
pginthecloset · 07/04/2009 19:38

I don't think you should have backed down to keep the peace.

If you are happy that your children are safe then it's no business of hers. SS are not interested in children playing in an enclosed communal playground. That's what it's for.

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 07/04/2009 19:38

No of course you are not BU. Your neighbour is being ridiculous. Why shouldn't they play in the playground, it's what it's there for surely. Top floor balcony sounds more dangerous to me, but then I'm scared of heights. Doubt if SS would be interested tbh.

frogs · 07/04/2009 19:39

An 11yo is definitely okay to play outside alone, assuming he/she is sensible and reliable. A 4.5yo is less clear -- under the supervision of a sensible 11yo, probably okay, but it would depend on the children.

We have playing fields 2 mins walk from our house -- dd1 (13) and ds (9) are allowed to go there on their own. Dd2 (5) is allowed to go only if her 13yo sister is with them. I wouldn't trust her in the supervision of the 9yo, she's too stroppy and he's sensible but not responsible enough to take charge of her.

Horses for courses. But to threaten SS is just bonkers, unless the children are rampaging around trashing the place and terrorising residents, which I'm assuming they're not.

traceybath · 07/04/2009 19:40

Is she just annoyed about the noise and so trying to stop the children playing fullstop?

You could always pre-empt her and call SS and just enquire if they'd have a problem with the situation.

pginthecloset · 07/04/2009 19:40

she's just arsey because she lives on the ground floor and can hear all the noise. She wants the kids out of her way.

pginthecloset · 07/04/2009 19:40

x posts tracey!

IheartEASTEREGGS · 07/04/2009 19:41

I'd bet money that she's not worried about their safety, she's just annoyed at living right next to the noise and running about (her fault for choosing the ground floor flat obviously though)
Let your kids play outside and if she says anything else tell her she is being ridiculous

IheartEASTEREGGS · 07/04/2009 19:41

x posts too lol

Joe90 · 07/04/2009 19:42

I think that is ridiculous, I have noticed play areas in parks designed for children over 8 stating that they should be supervised and then we all complain about obsese children! But to be serious, the play area is obviously intended for children to play safely in and even if 4 is probably too young for that I think it is fine with an 11 year old.

RumourOfAHurricane · 07/04/2009 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pointydog · 07/04/2009 19:50

Key question:

what exactly are all teh children doing out there?

Maybe the neighbour has a point.

I used to live in a flat with a communal garden where all teh kids played out (including mine and much younger than yours) but a lot of them used to climb on sheds, whack flowers with sticks, run over plants, piss in bushes

Original poster
chanelcandy · 07/04/2009 19:58

Thanks everyone, yes she is not bothered about their safety it is purely the noise. The kids including my 4 year old son play football in the little playground and I guess as her flat is yards from it this must bug her, she did mention balls.
The block is horseshoe shaped with balconies running the whole way round and stairs at each end the children's play often migrates to hide and seek and seeing as her flat is on the corner and near the stairs she must bear the brunt of it. I can only be responsible for my own kids so I can't stop this happening altogether.
I think I might get in touch with the council and social services tomorrow to see what they say, so I can put her straight but all of you have made me see sense, she is being ridiculous.

Cheers to everyone for replying so quickly.

OP posts:
Original poster
chanelcandy · 07/04/2009 20:02

The children are all under 11 and all really pleasant kids. They do play quite noisily as kids do but I think her problem is that it is all yards from her front door. This can't be helped though because of the design of the flats and where the playground/courtyard are.

OP posts:
pointydog · 07/04/2009 20:04

she is not necessarily being ridiculous if balls are flying close to her windows and kids are making lots of noise near her flat.

I think it would be worth you watching your children - from a distance - for a couple of days and seeing just exactly what the problem might be. Then you will know if she is over-reating

Original poster
chanelcandy · 07/04/2009 20:10

Yes I agree she might have a point if that's the case, but that would not be my children doing that since my DD doesn't play football and my DS cannot kick a ball anywhere near her windows. Regarding the noise, I think it's the children collectively so nothing I do will make a difference to that.

OP posts:
MuffinBaker · 07/04/2009 20:13

How do you know she isn't worried about their safety?

Can you seriously hear your own two children's voices above the other children's noises?

I wouldn't let my four year old out of my sight.

Original poster
chanelcandy · 07/04/2009 20:21

I know their safety is not the issue because of how she argued it was purely about how she is affected by the children playing there.
I can hear all the children as wierdly we can hear them really clearly from inside our flat. There isn't that many children either probably between 5-10 children playing out together. My 11 year old is very protective of her brother in every situation and so are the other older children on the estate. We are not talking playing out from morning till night either it might be an hour or two after school or while I prepare dinner like tonight. To me it is similar to them playing in a garden although obv not exactly the same which is why he doesn't go out without his sister.

OP posts:
slowreadingprogress · 07/04/2009 20:44

I don't think she's being ridiculous

She can't control who her neighbours are and obviously wouldn't choose to have a band of kids playing noisily outside her home (and obviously balls flying, possibly banging endlessly on her wall.....)

so I can see where she's coming from

the noise of kids playing is never quite so adorable if you don't have your own little angel!

but yes silly to phone social services, and yes great for kids to be able to play out! Personally I would limit the time to a regular time so that they and she knows when they'll come in and perhaps try and alternate one day playing out/one day being taken to the park. Just a thought.

I think though that child friendly or not we all have to accept that kids need to play out. I do think though that 7pm is the cut off. Adults should be able to expect a calm and quiet evening IMO

compo · 07/04/2009 20:48

why choose to live right next to a playground though? it's obviously going to be used by kids so seems daft to then complain baout them if it's just normal noise, football etc (obv if the balls are breaking windows it's a bit different or they are trampling her flowers)

compo · 07/04/2009 20:49

'obviously wouldn't choose to have a band of kids playing noisily outside her home (and obviously balls flying, possibly banging endlessly on her wall.....)'

surely that is exactly what she has chosen?

Watchtheworldcomealivetonight · 07/04/2009 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pointydog · 07/04/2009 20:59

I don't think she has 'chosen' that at all. Many people don't have that much choice when it comes to their house. And maybe it was much quieter or children were supervised when she moved in.

Everyone should try to be a considerate neighbour.

Original poster
chanelcandy · 07/04/2009 21:21

When I say she is being ridiculous, I meant regarding phoning social services about parents allowing their children to play in a communal playground in full view of all of our flats. I don't feel I need to stand on the balcony watching my children although I did when my 4 year old did start going out with his sister. Yes it is my choice, but seeing how loving and protective all the children are of him (we have been here since he turned one so they have watched him grow)I have been quite happy to let him play without me there. I am reconsidering though based on some views on here and what SS think tomorrow.
I think my neighbor has been here for 30 years or more since she mentioned standing out watching her own children She probably chose to live here for the same reason I did... an enclosed place for the children to play. Luckily for her it was outside her door, not so lucky now her children have grown up.

OP posts:
Original poster
chanelcandy · 07/04/2009 21:29

Oh and I do get them in usually by 5.30 or six on a school night. In the holidays like now we are more relaxed about dinner times but they were still in by 6.45. I agree, past seven is not fair.
Also I do take them to the park too, we have a great one nearby and they love it. I guess what I'll do these holidays is do housework till lunchtime, then take them for days out, every afternoon. So like today and yesterday they only play out for an hour or so while I make dinner.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 07/04/2009 21:30

personally i dont think a 4.5 should be allowed to play unsupervised in a place where they could go down the stairs and maybe on to a road or lots of people could come in and possibly snatch - ie a place that isnt escape proof

i know that makes me sound like a paronoid person

and not fair for the 11yr to look after their younger sibling

but if you are happy then i would ignore the neighbour - but i would also keep an eye on them/friends and see how much noise etc they make

it would drive me insane to have children playing right outside my window