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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to talk about something other than babies at the baby group

14 replies

nottinghillbilly · 07/04/2009 17:43

I have been a member of a local mother/baby group for some months. I appreciate what has brought us together in the first place is babies and we are still getting to know each other, but please can we talk about something other than babies, poo,weaning, sleep issues.

The group is very friendly and includes people of many nationalities/backgrounds.I love to talk about my son and hear how other babies in the group are progressing but I'm also very interested in news and current affairs. There is so much going on in the world right but my recent attempts at diverting conversation off the baby piste end in failure. I guess everyone has different interests and priorities but at the moment I feel like I am living and dreaming babies and really need to have interesting/thought provoking conversations with women I know to be very smart and intelligent. Does anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:
bracingair · 07/04/2009 17:53

yes, i felt the same! But that is why i often avoided them so not much help for you

mum23monkeys · 07/04/2009 17:53

yanbu.

I have felt like this with all of my dc in their groups. I find that in the mother and baby group setting people tend only to talk about their children, but if you meet up with a few of them on their own in your house or cafe or wherever, then chances for wider conversation arise.

In fact, I think you're lucky if you feel you've met women with whom you have much in common. Unfortunately I find that once the baby conversation dries up, there is often nothing left to say. I've made good friends with a few people from each of my dc, but most fall by the wayside, as simply having children of the same age is not really a good basis for a friendship.

TheFallenMadonna · 07/04/2009 17:56

I would invite a couple that you find most congenial round for lunch and take it from there.

spicemonster · 07/04/2009 17:57

YANBU but good luck with that one. It's why I stopped going to baby groups. It's a shame isn't it - it's like people are too scared to talk about anything else in case they realise they have bugger all else in common

Niecie · 07/04/2009 18:02

I know exactly what you mean but I do think it is possible to go 'off piste' although you have to do it gently.

For example, if you want to talk about Gov't policy on the credit crunch, keep it local and personal by talking about how it affects you and your area and then try broadening the conversation after that. It sounds a bit contrived but it can work. I didn't always talk about babies with toddler groups but then I have tended, in more recent years, to talk to mothers with more than one child, like me, and who have had enough of talking about nothing but babies too. I think asking new mothers to talk about something else might be a step too far!.

I agree that maybe you might be better off inviting some of these women to meet up elsewhere, as a smaller group though. A noisy, busy toddler group is a difficult place to have a conversation without interuption and still hold a coherent conversation.

dizietsma · 07/04/2009 18:40

Ah yes, I had the same issue. You can't force it, and if they aren't talking about it generally they probably never will (in my experience). I think some people don't like to talk about religion and politics because they don't want to offend anyone too. Nonsense IMO, but I'm clearly a minority.

You just gotta keep searching about until you find a mum like you, she'll doubtless be every bit as grateful to find you as you her!

chequersmate · 07/04/2009 18:43

YANBU.

Gentle · 07/04/2009 19:00

YANBU, that drove me away from a number of mum & baby groups too. I can handle 90% baby routines talk, but 100% is too much, particularly in the early days when mum & baby group was one of my few outings of the week and I really wanted a change of subject.

They are great for sharing experiences though, so I treat them like any other "subject" group. I meet my reading group to talk books, and if a couple of us get on really well and want to talk about other stuff, then we meet up elsewhere to do that.

I've met some ace people at these groups though, so persevere! Arrange something for the parents, like a night out if you can, and see how that does. If everyone talks about weaning and poo cycles all night then at least you will have tried!

mum23monkeys · 07/04/2009 20:21

We went to visit a colleague of dh's at the weekend who had just had her first. She had just been on a mum's night out with her ante-natal group and it seems to have been rather excruciating. They had a rule that they were not going to talk babies, but found there was nothing else to talk about - except presumably the doctor's surgery which they all used!

But groups do give you a chance to meet new people that you will make friends with for the long term, and if you move to a new city with a tiny baby in tow and don't know a single person in that city (as I did nearly 6 years ago), it is a great way to get to know new people. And have a cup of coffee made for you.

moomaa · 07/04/2009 21:17

The trouble with other M&T groups is that you want the conversation to be 'open' so anyone can join in and you don't want to say something opionionated in case someone takes it the wrong way. Meet up with people in smaller groups and other topics will follow.

Toffeepopple · 07/04/2009 21:23

I know what you mean. Even letting slip that I occassionally read the paper got weird glances from some mums. And you wait, in a couple of years all they will talk about is schools.....

Eventually you'll find some like-minded mummies who are interested in other stuff though.

And as mum23monkeys says, I was new in my areas six years ago and the M&T groups were a lifeline. And I have some "real" friends to show for it now, don't think I've talked nappies or weaning in ages!

chocolateismyonlyweakness · 07/04/2009 21:31

I used to feel exactly the same, and if anyone at the baby group gave me an indication that they are up for more interesting conversation I would be upfront and ask them for coffee!!

goodnightmoon · 07/04/2009 21:50

YANBU. just keep sending out the feelers on different topics. someone will bite. i have managed to move beyond babies with a few ladies in my group.

cyteen · 07/04/2009 21:56

Agree that meeting up outside of baby group will help. I find it hard to talk about anything other than the babies while there just because I've always got one eye on my son to make sure he's not about to bash his head on a toy/be trodden on etc.

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