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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do you think if children come round and trash your house on a playdate....

15 replies

colnelcustard · 07/04/2009 11:33

they should help with tidying the mess up when its time to go home? I'm not talking about washing up and wiping down the surfaces here, just put the toys away that they have all been playing with and not by themselves asking my children to put the toys away too?

if my children make a mess when we go round to someone's house I always tell them to go and tidy up the toys they get out.

I think its the polite thing to do am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

quornsilk · 07/04/2009 11:35

No - this annoys me as well.

ruty · 07/04/2009 11:36

YANBU. Have had similar experience, and it is a bit annoying.

FigmentOfYourImagination · 07/04/2009 11:38

To be honest I do make them do it. I tell the kids (mine and the visitors) to tidy up 15-20 mins before they are due to be collected. Problem solved.

TheSynOddOneOfWhitby · 07/04/2009 11:40

I would not do this - i would smile sweetly and blitz the house as soon as the parents are at the gate. I've never asked my DS to tidy a room up when collecting him either.

messymissy · 07/04/2009 11:41

Oh! how I wish that would happen, but children learn what to do from the parents. can't tell you how many times mums and toddlers been round here and left my lounge looking like a stampede has taken place...most mums just say thanks see you next time....only one or two ever offer to help put the toys and stuff away. i always do at others homes and so my little dd follows suit.

maybe we are just old fashioned to expect people to help - it is only polite after all!

FigmentOfYourImagination · 07/04/2009 11:42

That said the children I ask are 5yo+ so perfectly aware if the fact that they are making a mess.

FWIW, I always ask DD (the boys have outgrown this sort of thing) if she has left the bedroom etc tidy when I go to collect her from friends houses.

ForeverOptimistic · 07/04/2009 11:42

I wouldn't dream of collecting ds from a playdate and not asking him to tidy if it was obvious that the house had been trashed. It would be very bad manners not to ask ds to at least attempt some tidying up!

3littlefrogs · 07/04/2009 11:43

House rules. My children have always been taught to respect the rules of the house/family they are visiting. For example, removing shoes if this is the custom, offering/helping to tidy up, observing table manners etc. It goes along with please, thankyou, and thank you for having me.

SecretSlattern · 07/04/2009 11:43

I can't even get 5yo DD to tidy up the mess she has made at my house, let alone get her to tidy up anywhere else. Her teacher has also commented on her many ways of getting out of tidying up at school.

I agree though, it is rude to not at least offer to help put things away.

Geepers · 07/04/2009 11:45

I wouldn't allow my house to be trashed in the first place. They tidy away one thing before getting out another. I'd make it perfectly clear that dumping toys/games/crayons and moving on won't be happening.

Whatever is out when the child is collected will only take two minutes to put away because it's only one thing, not every toy in teh middle of the room. I would expect my own child to tidy away after his friend has left.

traceybath · 07/04/2009 11:48

yanbu

am actually dreading a family visit this week because the 2 children in question who at 5 and 7 should know better in my opinion just trash the playroom. Open unopened paper/stickers/games but don't actually play with them and broke an etch a sketch last time.

However at home they're never expected to tidy up so its tricksy.

This time though they're all going in the garden - and i don't care if its raining!

FigmentOfYourImagination · 07/04/2009 11:49

my house, my rules.

Twims · 07/04/2009 11:49

I am mean and make them tidy up 15 minutes before parents arrive and do check if it's been tidied - don't expect spotless but most away and have said to parents that the child has helped tidy up etc. I have also stopped playdates with children who wreck the house and strop out when they have to tidy up.

Secret Slattern so what happens when you pick up DD do you help tidy up?

FigmentOfYourImagination · 07/04/2009 11:50

Same as me Twims

SecretSlattern · 07/04/2009 11:55

Absolutely Twims, like I said, I find it bad manners if I was expected to tidy up a trashed house after DD and her friends have played here so I would not expect others to tidy up after her. My big thing at the moment is trying to get DD to tidy up at home, so that hopefully she gets the message that it must be done at school and if she visits other people's homes. She will do it (eventually) but there is usually a huge battle to get through before she does and by then she is usually in a strop so she tends to chuck things around.

I suppose the other reason why I do help to tidy up is because I don't want it to reflect badly on us as a family. I don't want people to think we are lazy and rude, plus it sets the good example to DD and her friends.

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