Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Stag weekend...

50 replies

NicEm · 07/04/2009 10:47

Quick background - DH's friend from school is getting married later in the year and they have all decided to go to Scotland rafting etc for a weekend in June. the bare minimum will cost £300 plus food, drink, various extras (weird outfits for groom etc!) Al in all i reckon £600 at least.

Well we can't even afford the passport (do you still need one for internal flights?) - and I am working on the Saturday (as I am every Saturday between now and August.

This is where I started getting annoyed - DH told the groom that he couldn't go so the groom then decided to ring me - he kept going on and on about how much he wanted DH to go and how he would pay. He then proceeded to ask me why my parents and sister couldn't babysit the kids whilst I worked (they are 9,6 and 1) For lots of reasons this is not easy and FFS - what has it got to do with him? I would also have to take the kids whereever before coming home to get workstuff and then get to work - not fair.

I didn't go to my oldest friends' hen weekend last month because of time and money and went to the meal instead - why should he get to go?

AIBU getting cross that groom rang me up and went on and on...... I felt compeletly bulldozed?

AIBU getting cross that DH says he's going - I think it's humiliating having someone else pay and realistically there's no way it won't cost anything?

thanks!

OP posts:

Original poster

NicEm · 07/04/2009 12:53

GM05 - it's just a no kids wedding - apart from bridesmaid, family etc.. numbers I believe. Although TBH they'll have another space now! - I don't think I can be bothered to go

OP posts:

Original poster

NicEm · 07/04/2009 12:54

DH is an usher - whatever that really means...

OP posts:

Original poster

NicEm · 07/04/2009 12:55

probably just that he has to pay for an expensive suit for the day...

OP posts:

beanieb · 07/04/2009 12:55

I seriously wouldn't go myself. Or help your OH with any of the preparations. I'd be so pissed off.

gardeningmum05 · 07/04/2009 12:58

a no kids wedding,unless they are family
i am beginning to think your OH needs to have a frank discussion with the groom. is the groom jealous of you, sounds like he is trying to get your DP on his own.
my DP has a friend like that, no kids or responsibilities. thinks my DP can drop everything for him if he wants to go some-where

Original poster

NicEm · 07/04/2009 12:58

I've even gone past thinking what if someone here recognises me... I don't care!

OP posts:

gardeningmum05 · 07/04/2009 13:01

beanieb, by not going though, shes left at home holding the baby so to speak. she deserves a day out. and if he goes alone, it seems to be that the groom has won

Niftyblue · 07/04/2009 13:02

Sounds like he hadnt the balls to tell the groom <strong>no</strong> So blamed it on you hence the call that he didnt warn you about and thought you would say o.k to (his mate could talk you around)

So that you looked the dragon for not letting him go

Tell him he can go BUT

He sorts the childcare out
He saves the cash without affecting yours or the dc lifestyle
Grows some balls and tell his mates the truth
book yourself away on a girlie weekend

If he can find the money for himself to get away he can find the money for you too

Why is it that they say are skint when it comes to you BUT when its them they magically find the funds???

if its o.k for the gander its o.k for the goose

gardeningmum05 · 07/04/2009 13:07

hear hear niftyblue

sayithowitis · 07/04/2009 13:38

YANBU. It was totally out of order for the groom to bully you in this way and equally so for your husband to be party to it!

Your DH has a responsibility to you and your DCs, NOT to the groom. It is up to your DH to sort out the childcare issue.

I am afraid I would be like you and not bother going to the wedding. The groom sounds like a real charmer and clearly has no idea of what family responsibility entails.

This situation would also give me real problems with a husband who allows anyone to think I was being unreasonable when actually, all that is happening is that you are putting your family first and not some p££%k of a friend.

Also, to the person who suggested that he 'throw a sickie': what a ridiculous suggestion. In the current economic climate, many companies are really tightening up on things like that and using them as a reason to get rid of staff without paying redundancy etc. It is called gross misconduct and if it happens, would have devastating effect on the family for a long while to come!

Original poster

NicEm · 07/04/2009 13:42

I'm self-employed anyway! funny how your health is never so bad when it means losing out if you don't go to work!

OP posts:

gardeningmum05 · 07/04/2009 13:53

i am not condoning skiving, it was just a suggestion so nicem can get abit of me time in desperation.
i have never thrown a sickie, worked upto 2 weeks before my babies were due and actually had 2 whilst still at work.
chill out sayit, we are all just trying to help

Original poster

NicEm · 07/04/2009 13:55

OK - I've just spoken to DH and he got moody saying I should just then ring groom and tell him DH can't go....

I've just composed a mail to groom, best man and DH explaining everything brutally frankly - just deciding whether to send it...?

OP posts:

gardeningmum05 · 07/04/2009 13:58

no, let your DH do it. using you to do his dirty work, tell him to get some balls and do it himself

Nancy66 · 07/04/2009 13:58

don't send it - you'll be forever painted as the ball busting wife. Your DH needs to tell the groom that he can't go.

Original poster

NicEm · 07/04/2009 13:59

Nancy - I feel like that's me already so what is there to lose? i feel like I need to shame them all and tell them to grow up

OP posts:

MrsTittleMouse · 07/04/2009 14:01

My guess is that he didn't just know about the groom phoning you up, it was actually his idea. To shame you into agreeing that he can go.

Original poster

NicEm · 07/04/2009 14:03

Quite possibly Mrs TM......

OP posts:

Original poster

NicEm · 07/04/2009 14:03

Quite possibly Mrs TM......

OP posts:

SerendipitousHarlot · 07/04/2009 14:05

He wants YOU to email the refusal???

I would be telling him to fuck off right about now

Stretch · 07/04/2009 14:05

I HATE Stag/hen weekends!

KimiWantsAnEasterEgg · 07/04/2009 14:15

From the childish way he is acying are you sure he is old enough to be out on his own in the first place

Niftyblue · 07/04/2009 14:15

He wants you to tell the groom he can`t go

NO NO
He does it and says why
the money
the childcare

Hes a big boy now and you are not his mother or a controlling wife which is how he wants his friends to see you

"I cant mate the missus wont let me"

Tell him to grow up and get his prioties straight

beanieb · 07/04/2009 15:59

Why not call the Grooms wife to be and tell her to tell him that your husband has told you that he can't possibly make it as he has to look after the kids and he can't afford it anyway.

I mean, your husband seems to think it's acceptable to let the groom bellieve you are stopping him, didn't warn you that he had effectively told the groom to call you - so I'm sure your husband won't mind if you get the grooms wife-to-be involved.

do you know her?

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/04/2009 16:30

its really nice that the groom wants to pay for your dh - he must really want him there ( i would pay for my friend if she couldnt go) - but it sounds that it is not possible because of the extra spending money and the fact you need childcare

maybe suggest that dh either sorts out childcare for you, or that he doesnt go

and then maybe he can go for a drink/big piss up another night with groom and others who cant go

Flip

1 2