absent fathers

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to be pissed off with all the rights of absent father. What about the rights of my son to grow up with parents that love him and make him safe and happy. My son is nearly 10 and has had no real contact with his father since we left when he was a baby and dispite the fact that his father was an abusive drunk and that dispite this the lack of contact has been down to the fathers lack of interest not down to me not allowing contact when we first split up.He has the right to just decide when it suits him to rock up and disrupt all our lives when ever he feels like it. SICK OF HEARING ABOUT RIGHTS FOR FATHERS ABOUT TIMNE THEY WERE RIGHTS FOR CHILDREN AND FAMILIES

oh and edam - you are right, a father who is abusive to the mother is not good for the children BUT he is legally still entitled to visitation as long as he hasn't hit the children?! the emotional abuse doesn't seem to count - the law they say is an ass!

Were going to ask about my new dp getting parental responsibility but that would have to go through the courts as the ex wont give permission and without his permission its not allowed unless agreed by courts either so i was told!! I asked him that when i phoned him a while back and said i wouldnt harrass him for money again but he said no ben is his son noone elses!! even though he wants nothing to do with him!! were getting married next year so hopefully if we go to court that will go in our favour but then we dont want to go to court ubntil were married as if they give me permission to change bens name once they wont again and i am reluctant to change bens surname to my partners just incase for some reason something happens and we dont get married - you never know! He has been living with us for 2.5 years now so he is all ben knows. I got a will done just after i left ex!!

I'm surprised that it's not possible to put in place something which respects the rights of both the parent and the child.

I mean, top of my head, should there not be a period of non-contact after which the father (or indeed mother in those rare cases)is deemed to have given up his/ her automatic right of access and has to apply and have the right of access evaluated by, for example, a family court?

you would think that would make sense wouldnt you cestlavie but apparently not! the people who make these rules have obviously never thought of the kids in my honest opinion!

You'd've thunk so wouldn't you.

In my case, xp didn't see our DC's for at least 6 years, got back in touch last summer and visited, said he'd come again in half term and christmas but never did, and that's been the last we've seen of him.

He can swan in and out of the children's lives at any time at whim, if I put my foot down and say no, the dc's need consistency and reliability he can take me to court and get contact which he will then never use or if he does, it will be on an ad hoc basis when he feels like it. I can't take him to court to ensure that he does actually use the contact time a court would no doubt grant him. He has masses of rights and no responsibilities whatsoever. Oh and he doesn't need to pay maintenance either, just in case someone thinks he has a smidgeon of responsibility.

I had no idea that an absent father had a right to know where you lived.

My ex has not seen my son for fives years (his choice, not mine), dodged CSA and generally behaved like an arse.

There's no way I'd allow him to have my address or phone number.

Is absolutely none of his business!