Ok, probably going to be longish-My best friend, i have known nearly 9 years, been through a lot together, relationship break ups, rape(her) by a supposed friend, domestic abuse(me) both had depression at times, after her divorce she became a lesbian, then changed back to men, now women again, I don't judge her on this, it is her choice, feelings, whatever. She was very supportive to me when i had dc2, the father was nowhere to be seen and she was with me when i gave birth, and in the early few weeks.
When dc2 was a few months old, we where out and met a man, she ended up going home earlier than i, she is very petite and is usually ready for home after 4 or 5, i ended up getting close with him, started texting in the days afterwards but i was unsure as i had been very badly hurt from the father of dc2, she says if i'm not interested then to give her his number, so for some stupid reason i did, they ended up dating, he tried to stop our friendship as he was jealous, even told her i had tried it on with him subtly(i absolutely didn't) I think she believed him in a way, but said that he had got the wrong end of the stick, even though that was bollox as there was no end of the stick to get! Anyway, she got bored of him after several weeks and started seeing a female friend she has known for a long time.
I met (d?)p a year or so ago, we had our rough patches, ie i caught him looking as though he was trying to kiss another friend of mine when he was very drunk, but couldn't justify to myself that i was right, i have caught him out lying a few times too, my friend has always defended him, which is unusual as she wouldn't have done other partners i had. Anyway, we seemed to be on track and have even booked a holiday together.
So here's the thing..Lately, i have felt very stressed, I gave up smoking a few months ago, I discovered that my Dad and Aunt had been sexually abused as children(my paternal gf had abused my Aunt, and i already knew that my Maternal gf had abused my mum, i discovered that my paternal gf had tried to do it to me when i was 3, but nothing ever got done about it, they just kept me away from him, my maternal gf tried to do it when i was 11 or so, but i didn't tell until i was 16, on both sides i had female cousins living with their daughters and i was in bits as to what to do, as noone else seemed to care(it is now resolved, both cousins have moved out)) I had been reported to the benefits agency by someone saying my dp lived with me, which isn't true, i believe it was my creepy neighbour who i reported to the police for watching through my fence into my home on a night, and so i was worrying about what he would next try to do, and what i could do about it, i've been worrying about the benefits agency, I have been having exams on my college course..
My friend is seeing a therapist, she says its for her to try and sort out why she does silly things, i tell her its because she drinks too much, but she doesn't see it like that, she is constantly anyaysing herself, and her actions and whether her therapist was looking at her breasts, and she has just generally irrated me lately, her kids whine all the time because she babies them, they are 6 and 9, and i know everyones parenting is different, i just hate that her 6 year old got bought a £10 toy because he cried and cried(and got carried round Asda!) because i made an offhand comment about him being careful as he was slapping my dcs hands that where holding on to the trolley. I also felt quite upset as her dd had a sleepover with about 6 friends, and didn't invite my dd-which is fine, i know it was up to the dd who she invited, it was just i know for definate my dd would never have dremed of leaving her dd out of anything like that, and if my dd ever found out that she'd been left out she'd be devestated, the said friend gave a piss poor excuseof that my dd would be at her Dads, but she knew that her Dad would not have minded missing a night for a special occasion, also, when i asked said friend if she'd mind having dc2 for a few hours, she gave a really shit excuse-i don't mind that she didn't want to have her, thats totlly fine, but why not be honest? she knows that is what i value over anything else in life, all she had to say was i'm too tired, can't be arsed, whatever, but just the truth!
Right i will get to the point-i went out with said friend and a couple of others on Sat night, I haven't been out for quite a long time, dp was out with his friends, i gave him a key for the first time ever, so if we didn't manage to meet when we where out then we could meet back at mine, Anyway after a couple of drinks, everything came to a head and me and the said friend argued, i was extremly upset, dp called, and i said i couldn't speak to him just then and i ran off, OK, it was stupid, but i was upset and drunk, i went and sat in a quiet bar and tried to collect my thoughts, i had turned my phone off. It took me hours to get a taxi and when i finally got home, i doscovered dp had consumed 2 bottles of wine on top of whatever he had already had, vomited all over my cream bedroom carpet and used my hoover to suck it up then tried scrubbing it with cold water and a washing up sponge before passing out, it was up my walls, carpet, over my make-up toiletries, under my bed...you get the picture.
I started shouting at him, he eventually woke up, started scrubbing again with the same dirty water, i kept telling him to change it but he kept ignoring me, he eventually did and i went and got in my dds bed and left him to it, after i had put the curtains in the washer. I thought i could hear the tap dripping so i called to him telling him to turn it off, to which he stormed into her room, even though i had wedged a chair under the handle, started calling me a 'thick fck' it wasn't the tap its the washer, you thick fck, shouting in my fce that he had seem my mate, they all hated me, they couldn't wait to get away from me that night, i had ruined everybodies night including his..etc, he just kept screaming at me, i told him to get out, that couldn't he even leave me be in my dds room, but no he couldn't, i threatened to ring the police, he was calling my a selfish B**ch, in the end i did call them to ask them if they'd remove him from my house as he was intimidating me, he was, i was scared and shaking. They did, i then got lots of abousive text messages till 7 in the morning.
I had a couple of hours sleep and then spent the rest of the day going out to buy new beding, hoover etc and cleaning everything, he came round with flowers and apologising. Apparantly he had met up with my friend in taxi and she had told him everything that had happened, apparantly they both had a good bitching session about me-i heard that from both of them about each other. He then went round to her house when i wouldn't let him in on Saturday, and she has texted me saying they only spoke out of concern for me, WTF, It was out of concern that he practically broke my dds door down? That she would tell him i ruined her night? Oh and he also said the poor little thing was crying in the taxi, err, hang on, what about his bloody gf weeping in a pub in the middle of town?? They made no atempt to find me, just jumped in a taxi and went home.
So i am not speaking to either of them atm, i feel so betrayed and hurt, that he would put her before me, and scream in my face what she(apparantly) told him, that he was upset she was crying in the taxi but quite happy to continue making me feel helpless and crying hysterically while shouting obscenities at me, That she would run to my boyfriend after we have argued..
I just don't know what to do or think, i don't know if anything went on between them, 2 former partners of mine have said that she tried to kiss them, yet i ignored them, thought she'd never do that to me.
I know i probably sound neurotic or a bitch, but i have tried to be there for her, she actually punched me in front of my dd one time because she was upset about something and i managed to forgive her, and she hit me hard with her handbag once, while she was gonig through a divorce-is it me? am i being selfish? I feel like i should go to the GP and ask for help in case it is me, i know i have been snappy lately, but i think thats cigarette withdrawel-i just don't know, i feel so unhappy, and we're meant to be gonig on holiday at the end of the week, what should i do about that?
sorry its so long, i didn't want to do the drip feed posts
Any advice gratefully received, even if harsh-i can take it!