to stop sending gifts...

[ilove]

My sister has 2 boys, my brother one girl.

My sister in laws, one has three girls the other two.

Our close friends (kids call them auntie and uncle) have one DS and one DD (2 couples, one child each)

For the last couple of years I have sent, every couple of months, somethig small for all the children from our kids to their cousins. Might just be a choc bar, or magazine, or little stuffed teddy or whatever, with the focus on addressing it to the child concerned (kids LOVE getting post don't they), and doing it from Auntie.Uncle Ilove and 4 DC.

The only ones to ever pop a quick "thankyou" text or FB message are my sister and my brother.

I have just sent out EasterEggs to them all and TBH I think that is the last I will do. I do NOT send stuff to make them return the favour and send anything to my kids (they never do) and I post stuff because we are scattered all over the country and don't see them very often.

Personally, I think they (the adults) are bloody rude and ungrateful, and I see no reason to carry on.

But I feel guilty...it is the kids that will miss out and I don't want them to forget they have cousins they don't see very often but who do think about them/ask about them etc.

WWYD? Should I carry on or not bother? Is a "thanks they loved it" too much to ask for?

No, I have NEVER mentioned to them about a thankyou and never would! I'm not that rude lol.

I thought you were stopping because you never got a thank you from anyone?

i WANT to stop because I think they are being rude...however I'd never penalise a child because of an adult's shortcomings! I'm just grumping, that's all!

It's really nice of you, but totally OTT.

They should've thanked you, of course, but maybe they feel embarassed or like you expect gifts back?

It is very nice of you but I really don't think it is an adults shortcomings. I wouldn't want mine getting sweets, I'm not too keen on the magazine idea and you can have too many soft toys. It is nice to get something through the post but you could just send a picture postcard with a short note or a nice email or speak to them on the phone. I think I would sigh deeply if 'things' kept coming through the post because a,it needs a response b, it seems mean not to respond in a similar fashion.

I don;t think anyone is suggesting they dislike their children getting things through the post.....occasionally. It is the every couple of months thing that is OTT. I agree with Piscesmoon. I dislike my children having a lot of chocolate, my mothers sends them comics and magazines which unless they are Kids Geograohic or a good Dr Who one gets a quick glimpse and disregarded and I hate all the little cheap stuff that just accumulates when you ave children so getting more of that in the post every couple of months would really have me rolling my eyes, i'm afraid.

As you started the 'giving of little gifts every couple of months' I honestly think you only have yourelf to blame if you really believe the children will think you 'don't care anymore' if you stop. Most nieces and nephews who don't live close by (and in this day and age of the nucleur family there are plenty) don't get little presents in the post every couple of months and I am sure they do not feel unloved and forgotton about by their cousins/Aunts/uncles! Why don;t your children draw a nice picture and post that instead to keep the lines of communication open if you really feel this necessary.

As a child my cousins were scattered around the globe and I found seeig them once in a blue moon very exciting and as soon asmy closest in age cousins were old enough we would send eachother letters and stuff.

Also if you continue to send stuff so often (which by no means I am saying you shouldn't) then somethng to consider is do you not think that as the children grow it will be a run of the mill not particularly special thing that they won't really think much off as opposed to a nice surprise of which they themeselves are more likely to respond with thanks.

ramonaquimby (best name on MN) I would hate, Ido hate to get photos of my neices and nephews that I rarely see because they are horrible spoilt children from horrible spoilt parents.I bin them when I get them.

So maybe, like cupcakes, my views are clouded somewhat on this issue, as I feel my SIL would be only sending them to bolster up her 'perfect' image (not suggesting thats why ilove does it, but ykwim)

mrsmaidamess

yes I think you're a bit clouded......I bin some of the pics, some I put on the fridge, others I chuck in a shoebox with other pics. They don't go in our photoalbums though.

I miss my siblings dearly (they are all in Canada) and feel v sad that I only see them once sometimes twice a year and think the pics/trinkets etc are just one of the ways we keep in touch.

mayor quimby is around mn too.....no relation though!

I love the photos-it is just presents I would object to. I have friends who have had to ask their parents not to bring sweets or presents everytime they visit.Luckily my parents and ILs have never done it.

If you were sending a postcard, every now and then, I'd probably think that was quite nice and respond in kind.

But things all the time...don't you think it sends the message that you want this sort of stuff back?

You've said you think the adults are rude and ungrateful. I think you've got to consider that they just don't like it!

I wouldn't send anything to them. I'm sure their kids won't be deprived of gifts from other sources. Save your cash for your own DC. At least you know it will be appreciated.