To wonder if I did the wrong thing when starting pocket money and if I stuffed up today?

[MilaMae]

Recently started giving my 3 dc 51/2 twins & 41/2 dd £1 a week,they are allowed to spend 20p a week on sweets. The rest goes in their piggy banks to spend on go-gos or save up for bigger things.

1st day of the hols we have to go through the tat shop in our local pony centre. Dtwin 2 falls in love with a floppy eared bunny toy . I say he can buy it with his piggy bank money,all going ok until we realise it's £4.95 . I explain it will clean out his piggy bank. Ds very upset,wants rabbit but also to keep his money, I explain this is not an option.

DD then sees a toy guinea pig says she's quite happy to clean out her piggy bank. I explain she might want to save it for the rest of the hols. Dtwin1 compromises and chooses a £2 tractor. Dtwin 2 is still sobbing. By this time I'm getting loads of mean mummy looks.

After much negotiating and me refusing to pay for it eventually he compromises and chooses a smaller rabbit so he's got money left(later on he thoroughly enjoys seeing me clean out dd's piggy bank,she couldn't care less as overjoyed with guinea pig). He's not totally happy and leaves disappointed I can tell.

So was I mean to stick it out?

Also I never used to buy them sweets or toys in tat shops the supermarket -ever. They only had things at Xmas and bdays. They never,ever asked for anything or even to go in tat shops either. I started pocket money to teach them the value of money.

I can now foresee years of going in tat shops when before they didn't care/longing for things they don't really need and I'm wondering if I've turned them into materialistic consumerists. But then to never handle their own money wouldn't be right would it?

What do you think?

They've got to learn about money. Sounds like they are. I don't think you are being mean at all.

Well done you. It is a good lesson for them to learn that money is not something that comes in a self-refilling purse. They are learning to make choices about what they spend their money on. You might feel uncomfortable about them spending it on 'tat', but I suspect that will only last a while, until they get used to the idea of having their own money to spend. Maybe you couls suggest that they only spen half of it on 'tat' and save the rest for something special? We always used to do this and our DS's used to use some of it to buy small xmas gifts, as well as saving for things like playstation games. laptops etc. They still do it even though they no longer get pocket money, they save up their saturday earnings to fund whatever extras they want, like holidays, computers etc.

you did absolutely the right thing

anyone giving you 'looks' is just in awe at your fabulous parenting

Tricky one. In my opinion YA(were)NBU to hold out.

Re DT2, I used to want to buy fluffy animals all the time, partly because I wanted to 'rescue' them from the nasty lonely shop and take them home to be loved (must have driven my parents crazy ). She might have an easier time letting it go if you explain that the bunny would be happier staying and playing with all its friends? Or you might think this is completely mad

I think you sound incredibly sensible.

You stuck to your guns, your DC will learn the value of money & about saving etc - a very valuable lesson!

DD has a piggy bank & we give her our small change to put in it, she's got about £2.50 in there in 1, 2 & 5ps & keeps asking us if she can buy a car now

God you sound fab!

Do you run parenting classes?

Can I sign up?

I am trying and trying with the money thing. DD (7) is brilliant but DS1 (8) can't hold on to money for a second.

I am in a quandary at the moment: on Friday I docked him his pocket money. This was to "pay for" a pair of jeans he had - I thought - ruined by being too lazy to put his chewing gum in the bin, losing it while gawping at the telly and then finding it stuck to said jeans. I went ballistic and stopped that week's money only. Just now I did the ironing, and the gum has all washed out. Do I give him his money after all?

BalloonSlayer my MIL said about her friends DS who couldn't get the concept of saving so they came up with the idea of 'Daddys Bank' if he saved his money & put it in 'Daddys Bank' each month his dad would add 10% of the total savings to help boost his savings & encourage him to save more - thought it was a fab idea!

BalloonSlayer no I would keep the money as a reminder to be more careful with chewing gum but say he's lucky as he gets to keep the jeans after all. Just remind him that chewing gum is usually impossible to get out!

Well done! I too want to come to your parenting classes .

Ds (4.1) went to the shop recently clutching his £5 note from money box.

Took his time choosing toy and brought it up to checkout - when I told him to hand over the money he was horrified and said he couldn't do it as he wouldn't have any left.

I'm sad to say I handed over my money instead .

I love that Daddy's Bank idea (though it may need re-branding )

We give our kids pocket money too, and anything they NEED, we buy - anything they WANT, they buy. My dd blew all her money in one go last time. My dh and I disagreed over it, but I thought she should understand that once its gone its gone.

BUT, I also buy them the odd treat. I want them to learn the value of money, but I also want them to learn about giving, etc.

Also, I think if someone is denied something, they want it more - so I do let them have some crap in hopes that they will learn that cheap generally equals poor value.

I'm just stumbling through this too, so I have no idea!!

Sounds like you are doing well

Many thanks for all your thoughts.

Very at you all being impressed with my parenting skills,believe me you wouldn't have been today. My negotiating was through very clenched teeth by the end

Also I've only managed to not buy tat because we're on a tight budget so they know not to ask. If we were loaded I'd imagine it would be so much harder-I could probably live with it though

I was a bit worried that all this kicked off today as pre-pocket money we used to walk through that tat shop without a second glance,now they're off the minute we get in. It is reassuring to know you think this situation is a valuable lesson though.

Thanks again

I don't see them as 'mean mummy' looks
I see them as "is she going to give in them" looks
Sounds like you did great.

You did the right thing.

i've just started this with my dd on her 5th birthday. She gets 5 euros per week (generous Daddy's bank ). So far it is working well, she understands the concept that if she wants the Dora DVD she has to save up. But at the weekend she was more than happy to fritter her money on crap.

I think you did the right thing-they have to learn for themselves by their own mistakes-they don't learn by you just telling them. They will work out that tat isn't worth it.
If it is 'their'money, they have to be free IMO-a problem for those who have a rigid 'no sweets' policy.

absolutely the right thing to do: no pint setting a boundary if you are not going to follow it through so once its out of your mouth i think you have to stick to it

Sounds perfect to me

No, you did exactly the right thing! You are teaching them about budgeting and saving- what could be more responsible and good parenting? Yes you son was upset, but better that he realise the value of money now than spend all his grant on beer in the first week of term in 13 years' time!