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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be disgusted at the attitude of towards paedophile activity in the swimming pool

38 replies

rebee · 04/04/2009 20:47

was at the local pool in north london - should I say which one?

had finished the lesson and whilst feeding the little one I overheard a lady talking with the manager.

In a nutshell she had taken her grandson to the pool a few weeks ago. A man approached her grandson in the pool and started tickling him, grandson told the man to stop as he didn't like it. A little girl asked him to tickle her but he told her wasn't allowed to tickle little girls.

At home the grandson told his nan that she was upset as the man had touched his privates. The grandmother repoted this to the pool and the conversation I was overhearing was the follow up to the initial report.

What pissed me of was the manager's attitude (middle -aged british man, relevant?) to the grandmother. IHe was basically telling her there was nothing he could do as she was unable to give a clear description of the man and that she should have reported it straight away. She didn't because she didn't know he has touched her grandson inappropriately. He also kept saying that he wouldn't have tickled/touched her grandson. SHe said she wouldn't normally but it happened quickly and took her by surprise.

The poor woman was clearly distraught and racked with guilt and he just wanted to close her down and get rid of her.

I was so cross I actually went and butted into their conversation and pleaded with her to notify the police. Even though it is unlikely they will be able to do anything based on the one incident, paedophile's are predators and this won't be the only assault. Her statement could help build a case against this pervert etc

I was just very shocked and disgusted to discover that the manager of a swimming pool/leisure centre has been notified of current paedophile activity and doesn't seem interested in doing anything about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
rebee · 04/04/2009 20:49

sorry, error in typing. he didn't say that he wouldnt have tickled/touched - he said that he wouldn't have let anyone tickle/touch his kids.

OP posts:
onepieceofcremeegg · 04/04/2009 20:53

I think that the manager was correct in telling her that she should have reported it at the time, as (imo) tickling a child (especially when asked not to) is highly inappropriate.

Not sure why the "middle-aged, british" bit is relevant?

Perhaps the manager should have asked her to put her complaint in writing and also advised her to liaise with the police.

It's not really "current" activity as it happened a number of weeks ago.

Also, you overheard a conversation so perhaps are not in possession of all of the facts?

Having said that from what you say the manager could have perhaps been more proactive?

DSM · 04/04/2009 20:54

It would be very hard though, if she wasn't able to give any description of the man. What is the manager meant to do?

I agree though, his attitude doesn't sound particularly sympathetic. He should have simply not got involved at all, and phoned the police and had her give her statement to them.

mrsruffallo · 04/04/2009 20:56

Sounds odd

kalo12 · 04/04/2009 20:57

I suppose what the manager could have done was asked his pool side staff to be vigilant and assured the ladty that he would do this

TheCrackFox · 04/04/2009 20:58

Sounds odd and in fairness you only overheard half of a conversation. If I was the lady in question I would take my complaint to the police.

chegirl · 04/04/2009 20:59

OMG I wrote a brilliant insightful post and it disapeared!

Anyway. YANBU.

They could have asked her to view the CCTV to ID the man.
He is very probably a regular
He is using the pool to prey on children
His behaviour could escalate if he is not challenged.
It does not sound like a case of peado paranoia

What pool? Are there any left in North London?

KingRoloEgg · 04/04/2009 21:01

I'm not sure what the manager could do though if the woman didn't have a description of the man. Still, he could have been a little more sympathetic.

Why does it matter that he is middle-aged and British? Would it be different if he was young / old and not British??

electra · 04/04/2009 21:02

But the manager is correct. How on earth is he supposed to do anything if nobody can describe what this man looks like? The same as if you are robbed and didn't see who did it.

Personally if the boy very young I would not have left him by himself for this situation to arise - where was his grandmother when this happened?

Original poster
rebee · 04/04/2009 21:02

she reported it the same day, just not at the time. the conversation I overheard was her seeing if anything had been done.

yes, wasn't sure whether to put his desription in as I didn't want to take the conversation into one about race as it was his seemingly lack of interest in the paedophile that concerned me. But the grandmother was black with a strong west indian accent which indicates to me that she may not have lived in this country very long and understand our systems/procedures when it comes to reporting these things. I expected him to help her understand about this rather than telling her she shouldn't have let some stranger touch her grandson and leav it at that.

I agree that she shouldn't and I wouldn't let it happen - but she is not in the wrong, the paedo is.

You're right I only know what I heard, but I listened carefully for about 10min before I stuck my beak in.

OP posts:
electra · 04/04/2009 21:03

Agree if there is CCTV some kind of attempt should be made to identify this person...

pscc · 04/04/2009 21:03

what pool in north london was it? enfield? understand why you are disgusted and angry- I feel the same, yes she should have reported it at the time- however, better late then never and I dont think it's fair to say that they cant do anything as there is no clear discription of him- police know who the know paedo's in an area is. My other half works for the met and his team are contantly called to the same school because of the same man hanging around at the front of the school gates- she should report it and then the police will have it brought to there attention if it already hasent been.

pscc · 04/04/2009 21:04

and even if you did overhear/listen isint it up to all of us to help and protect ALL children??????

MillyR · 04/04/2009 21:06

Even if they can't ID him this should be reported to the police and the staff should be made aware so they can be vigilant.

onepieceofcremeegg · 04/04/2009 21:07

You have made a lot of assumptions about his (and her) race and background tbh rebee.

Also if this was the follow up to the report she made at the time, I am surprised that she wasn't advised to report it to the police at the time? (or indeed why she didn't do that of her own volition?) Presumably you were not aware of the content of her original discussion or any follow up conversations?

It sounds that he was also inappropriate to be holding this discussion for at least 10 minutes in a public area where presumably any member of the public could listen in and join in.

electra · 04/04/2009 21:08

It is something which people should be made aware of, even in an 'please watch your children carefully as some have been approached by a man' kind of way.

FAQinglovely · 04/04/2009 21:08

"But the grandmother was black with a strong west indian accent which indicates to me that she may not have lived in this country very long"

well that could have indicated very badly I'm afraid - I used to have elderly neighbours on both sides of me. On one side was a Mauritian couple who had lived in their house since it was built in the 50's. He still had a very strong accent and she a slight one.

The neighbour on the other side elderly woman, West Indian, again had lived in the UK a very long time but still had a strong WI accent.

Not at all unusual for older people to have retained their accents despite living in the UK for a long time.

Anyhow that's off the topic - I agree with those that there wasn't an awful lot he could do now

Original poster
rebee · 04/04/2009 21:08

I don't want to cause any trouble by stating the pool but if some of you are taking your children there you have a right to know. So all I will say is that it is in N8.

Maybe I am BU, but I strongly believe that all these incidents should be reported. For all we know the police may be aware of this and are building a case against a suspect. Even if she struggled with a description she might be able to identify him in a line up when(hopefully) he is caught.

Quite often in publicised rape convictions it only takes one person to speak up and other women come out about the same person.

OP posts:
onepieceofcremeegg · 04/04/2009 21:09

I would suggest that if you still feel very concerned that you find out the details of this man's manager/owner of the pool (?local council) and put your concerns in writing.

At least then there would definitely be a record of a concern about a potential paedophile tickling children.

Would you consider doing that?

MillyR · 04/04/2009 21:09

Agree with PSCC - it is up to all of us, not just the grandmother. it is horrifying that if a child is molested in a public place people are suggesting that the responsibility lies solely with the grandmother. Suppose it happens to another child there, or something worse happens? How would people then feel about the manager having done nothing this time?

chegirl · 04/04/2009 21:11

Her GS may not have said anything at the time? Or maybe he said something vague and GM was only half listening?

Also its a big accusation to make and a lot of people would want to be absolutly sure before they made it. The impulse not to want to make a fuss is very strong (particularly in older people maybe?).

They should be made aware that there is a potential predator using the pool. It may be that he has been doing this for a while and there are other victims.

If I were your Rebee I would probably go and have a word with the police myself. Tell them what you overheard and that you are concerned at the 'apparent' lack of interest from the manager.

You have nothing to loose and it may help.

I would rather be thought of as a busy body than let this go.

chegirl · 04/04/2009 21:14

Well there is rather a history of this sort of thing in Harringay's swimming pools.

How charming that some traditional are being kept alive

pscc · 04/04/2009 21:14

thanks- the postcode is enough (I live in north london and use enfield- so thanks again).
I am sure the grnadmother feels bad enough and like millyr says what if it happens to another child- but only this time he does more/worse- not worth thinking about!
some people make me sick- i am getting angry now so I should go somewhere else before I say something i'll regret!

pscc · 04/04/2009 21:16

rebee- you could also contact the council aswell as the police (safer neighbourhoods deal with this stuff) they might even attend the pool monitoring from time to time (that is there job) but Iwould definately report it!

Original poster
rebee · 04/04/2009 21:19

yes I am aware that people emigrate to this country and retain their accents etc.... yawn, as I said didn't want a race chat.

She could have lived here for 50 years and had to put up with terrible racism for most of that time which could again have made her reluctant about contacting he police as there was a time when it wasn't uncommon for police officers to racist. Yes... all assumptions, but we all make them... aren't most if the threads/posts on AIBU assumptions based on a small amount of information.

But I am sorry I ever described them both, I shouldn't have. The reason I did was because I was shocked that it hadn't been reported to the police and I would have expected the manage to have done so, or encouraged the grandmother to have done so.

My mind was working overtime as to why the opposite was done

I know I only heard the second conversation... onepieceofcremeegg, and a member of the public did listen and join in and now its on mumsnet!

OP posts: