To want to leave work/cut down my hours?

[SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore]

The house is a tip. And I mean it is bad, you can see the sofa today for the first time in months. I took the day off to put away all the ironing that has not been done because dd1 is going away for the weekend and I have lost all of her clothes. They could be in a number of places. Each room had various different piles of clothes.

Dd1 is late for school constantly and misses me heaps.

I never see the kids. They never go anywhere, I have been working over 6 months now and have not had a weekend off yet.

DH tries to help but cannot cope with the dds alone, especially when the house is a mess, He starts to clean/tidy but then the puppy/the dds/the football/his mum/his mate etc get in the way and he stops.

I cannot cope with working fulltime and looking after the house and getting dd1 dressed and school on time

Is there any way you could change your hours?

How old are your dd's?

dd1 is 5 dd2 is almost 2.

I could ask about changing my hours but I doubt it. I was thinking of contacting a local cleaning agency as they generally let you choose your own hours. DH disagrees and thinks we can cope.

I have just recently been in this situation

You will never get the early years back with your children I urge you to do whatever you have to to maintain the work life balance you so obviously lack.

Well of course you are not being unreasonable.

Can you try a few other things first?

Like:

1. Establish clear rules for who is doing which chore? Get your DH to be in sole charge of all laundry, and all gardening for instance.

1. Get a cleaner to help clean around the house. Less of a cost than giving up some of your hours.

1. Change your hours rather than reducing them entirely so that you get to spend more time with your DCs.

1. If your DD is school age then she could be getting herself ready and dressed, and also helping with breakfast.

1. Put your DD in charge of feeding the dog

Do less yourself and get others to make a fair contribution.

YANBU

It is not easy to give advice as none of us are in your exact situation.

I think it is definitely a good idea to try and sort hours out so that you get to see the kids. You should also get DH to take on some tasks.

In terms of the house, I would make your priority preparing for the mornings. Cheaper than quitting your job is to buy 5 complete sets of uniform and underwear, wash and iron them all in 1 day (Sunday if poss) and lay them all out for ready for the whole week.

My house is always a tip; I don't worry about it. But I try to make having things ready for the morning a priority. Have you tried fly lady? I think some women on here do it and could advise you. Regardless of leaving work, staying or changing jobs, it sounds like you'd be happier if you got a household routine set up.

I have tried chores lists. Mine got done DH's didn't because of whatever reason. He does try to help but he can't seem to manage the dds and chores.

Dd1 is horrified of the dog.

I am going to ask about changing my hours. I can't get a cleaner. The house is too messy. If anyone came in they would call SS.

I know dd1 should be able to get herself dressed and help with breakfast, but try telling her that. She is a horror on a morning. She developed sudden blindness last week in attempts to avoid school. It's because she wants to stay home with me.

Erm, why don't you suggest to your DH that he should work part-time so that he can manage his chores as well as all the other stuff going on in his life.

If nothing else, this will impel him either to (a) do his chores or (b) cut down on the resistance to your going part-time.

That's a funny but rubbish excuse on the cleaner front ... cleaners like mess - gives them a challenge and makes them feel they are making a massive contribution (which they are).

Interesting about DD being horrified about the dog. More than ever am convinced that she needs to take care of it to get over said horror ...

Buying five sets of uniform is a good idea. The problem we have atm is that DH just lets her take it off anywhere she pleases and it stays there. If I am at work that night it means I have to spend half an hour hunting for her uniform the next morning.

If we had a set for each day, that would solve that problem.

But I can't help but think they would only get lost in with all the washing at the weekend.

Marla. not brilliantly no. But I can't cope like this. I don't want to give up work permanantly. Just untill I find somewhere with more suitable hours i.e. 10-2pm weekdays or 6pm-10pm and more on a friday and/or sunday with Saturdays off so I can see my dds.

Atm I work 2/3 nights a week 5pm untill 12/1am and Friday, Saturday and Sunday days. But days are often untill 7/8pm so even then I don't see dd1. And during the week I am knackered from the night shifts.

YANBU - if you cut down one of your nights and one of your days I think it would make a huge difference. Could you manage financially though.

Seashells, I don't think you can carry on like this. What has your DH said about it all? Have you explained to him how unhappy this is making you? It seems to me that you either work less hours or he does more of the work in the house. Working nights sounds really difficult.

If you can manage without the money then I would definetly just give up work until you get something more suitable.
Your obviously unhappy and you and the kids are missing each other.

Dh has said I should ask them to change my hours so i am doing more days and less nights and have a sunday off.

What he doesn't realise is that I can't just dictate my hours to them like that. I am going to have a word with them though about how I am struggling and see what happens in the meantime I am going to look for something with better hours.

Quattro, this isn't mess. It's squalor. It would be a challenge though.

The kitchen is clean now though. DH did that today. I am gonna finish off the living room and then we are sitting down with some wine and the wii.

SheSells... I think (may be wrong) but as a parent of a child under 5 you have the legal right to request a working pattern that suits you / fits with childcare etc. Your employer doesn't have to grant your request but the burden is on them to prove why it isn't possible. I'm not an expert on this by any means and if you do want an expert opinion on exactly what your rights are then I'd give ACAS a call and they can tell you.