to think this is unfair - friend not allowed to play with DS

[stripycat]

DS is 5, has been friends with this boy (I'll call him X) for a long time, now they are in the same reception class.

They were both told off for the same thing at school, both equally responsible as far as I was made aware when the teacher told me about it.

Now X has told DS that his mum says he's not allowed to play with him. There haven't been any other problems that I know about, DS had a good report from school so I feel it is a bit over the top.

At what point would you tell your DC not to play with another child? Or would you never do this?

I wouldn't! If they are trouble together I would suggest to my DC that they perhaps tried playing with other people. If it came up in a parent's evening I might suggest to the teacher that they would do better if in different groups, but apart from that I would keep out of it.

Unless my child was being babdly bullied by another child then I wouldn't tell them not to play together!
If I were you, I'd ask the other Mum why she said they can't play together.

My DD is in year 1 and has been told by som ekids she is not allowed ot play with them. All because another mum fell out with me more than a year ago.

I've done this a few times with DS2 and his best friend. His friend is fine, I'm BF with his Mum, but the two of them together in school doesn't always work. They don't sit together in class anymore because they were both struggling, and distracting each other wasn't helping. There are too many instances where they've got into trouble because they egg each other on (and a few where the other has got into trouble even though they weren't the one doing the deed just because they are always linked) So, they're not barred from being friends, it's just that the situations they are together are carefully managed.

However, DS2 is almost 9 and he understands why I say to him 'don't sit with X if he's doing Y' and he gets that being separated in the class is a Good Thing. At 5 I'd have never told him he can't be friends, that's just not fair, and I've never said they can't play together, that's just mean.

I've told both of mine at different points not to play with particular children. This was because in both instances they were getting into big trouble at school for things they had not done.

In 1 case the other child was getting my DD (5 at time) to play very sexual games that DD did not understand and did not like.

Its not always possible to sort things out due to different families having different standards and because of supply teachers who understandably have difficult controlling classes sometimes and tar with a very broad brush as a consequence.

I do not regret it at all, as both of my children have been well behaved at school, and I think part of this is the company they keep.