to want to tell this Kids parents?

[FairLadyOfMuslinCloth]

Well, es had a sleepover yesterday, one boy a neighbours Kid.
They went out in the garden (treehouse) and when they came back in I could smell smoke on my sosn clothing....turns out that nieghbours Kid is smoking and smoked in the treehouse (all wooden obviously...so, a bit worrying for that reason alone) , and as that boy is only 13...(my es is 12 1/2) I don't really think he a) should (but know none of my business)...and b) I certainly do not want him to smoke anywere on our premises....
And than just now I realised that said boy also brought in a bottle of cider....they left it standing on the windowsill in my sons room , which is how I noticed it.
I do not think that that is o.k. , if my son is allowed to drink alcohol, I like to be the one supplying the alcohol...i.e. he has had a couple of sips of alco pop, and even once was allowed a small bottle to himself and had been allowed some sparkling wine with orange juice for New year....

I am now wondering if I should raise these issues with his parents.....also, I suppose to me that is the last time that my es has a sleepover with that boy....am I unreasonable...
I am actually a bit shocked about it....am I to naive?

Do you know the parents? Are they reasonable?

I would tell the parents about both to be honest.

I'd tell the parents

I do know them...we are friendly in a neighbourly way...and I know they would believe me, as they tend to think the worst of their son anyway....I suppose I am a bit worried about the repurcussions for the boy...

i assume you would want to to know that your son was smoking and drinking at 12/13

so i think you need to tell his parents -

maybe they know and are ignoring it, maybe they dont know,but they would want to

they dont have to mention your name or your sons, if they dont want to

they can say they smelt the smoke/saw the bottle etc

I would want to know if it was my child, so on this basis alone I really feel that you need to tell them.

The repercussions are far worse for a boy of 13 to be continuing to drink and smoke behind his parents' back, IMHO.

I would want to know if my son was doing that! I'd tell them.

Although, they must be able to smell it, surely?

Hmmm, I think that would depend if they smoke themselves Hecate.

Smokers very often can't smell smoke on other smokers ...

I would totally bring it up as a 'hey thought you should know' topic.

I would want to know totally! And, even if they let him and know already, it is your house and your rules and he should not behave in a way that you don't allow when over at your house.

If they don't know and you don't say...then if they found out they could think that you let them and be upset with you...so i would speak up.

that's true, hadn't thought of that.

although, I smoked from about 14 and thought I was being really sneaky, hanging out my bedroom window, spraying perfume etc all over the place, sucking mints all the time... My parents weren't fooled at all, as it turned out.

oh, forgot to add that they are both heavy smokers.

oh, and smoked all around the house (no such thing as smoking in the garden for the sake of the kids in those days! ) so house was constantly foggy!!!

And they STILL knew!

Oh and smelling smoke...I started when I was 16 and my mom didn't know until I broke down and told her on holiday when I was 22(because it was 3 days in and I was gaggin lol)! But then again I was good at hiding it..unlike how this boy sounds...I mean duh...

This is a very hard thing for me to admit,but we recently discovered ds2 had been smoking( I know its not the end of the world but at 34 ive never tried it having watched my mum and mil die from cancer).

As we realised this I was then concerned that perhaps people/neighbours/friends might know too now im not saying I was ashamed a lot of kids 'try' smoking but if anyone I knew had seen him it would have been very hurtful for me to know that they knew and didnt tell me.

I asked around and none of them dod know all of them said that they would risk my friendship rather than allow me to be misled,now ds2 has an illness not life threatening but quie serious and a few of my friends said if theyd have seen him they would have advised him to stop or to tell me giving him a time limit.

Obviously many of you will think as i did that perhaps they were trying to ease my distress but when I spoke to ds2 he was quite honest and said that he couldnt smoke near home for fear of someone seeing him and none of the local kids new as he knew I would find out about it.

I think that because you have seen this you must tell his parents if anything imo he 8wants* to be caught thats why hes being so 'in your face' with it.

My parents (also heavy smokers) also knew that my sister smoked. Nowt to do with her smelling of smoke though ...she kept nicking their fags

apologies for spelling.....dodgy keyboard

they are smokers....so...I suppose either do not smell it on him anyway, and he would smell of smoke just by being in their house, anyway...I suppose....or they don't mind...but yeah, I am not happy him doing that in my house/our garden....luckily my son htinks smoking is disgusting ...

the drinking worries me more than the smoking....I mean, how did he get his hands on the cider, etc...so, will go over...

have told my es that I will tell his parents anyway...I don't mind the boy knowing...he could work out by my reaction that I wasn't happy about it, anyway...