Sleepovers - would have thought the parents would want to speak to me first?

[NiceFaceShameAboutTheBigBum]

DD is 12 and in Yr7. She is having her 2nd sleepover tonight since staring sec school. She asked the (4) girls to come at school and I wrote down our numbers for the parents to call us to discuss. The kids told her they would come and just came (which is good) but I have been rather shocked that none of these parents called to me first but just sent the kids over. I do not know any of the parents (DD did not go to the local sec school) and they all live outside our area. I like to meet her friends which we why we have them.

AIBU to be shocked that none of them called me just to make sure I was not some mad axe murderer (am not of course) or to make sure that the sleepover was for real (and not made up so thy could go clubbing). It's for these reasons that I would call if DD was invited to one!!

I agree with you, I'd want to know who the parents are before I let ds go and play at someones house, I'd be wanting to meet them etc for a sleep over.

Id be shocked too..but it seems this is common as we have had the same with DD's friends for the last few years (shes now 16)

But...did you not call THEM?
I would probably be shocked that YOU did not call.

Their responsibility to call IMO. If my 12 old daughter was going anywhere, overnight my DH would have had to have seen references from 10years, CRB check and attached them to that lie detector like in 'Meet the Parents'... I'm sad that people don't give a shit about their girls' safety but it doesn't surprise me these days...

My DS has had boys from secondary school sleeping over whose parents we don't know. I was a bit at first, but the DH pointed out that DS has been round at their houses lots, stayed for meals etc, and TBH you can usually tell from how the children behave, what the parents are like.

If these parents know yoru daughter well, they can probably tell that she has decent parents, so I guess it could be seen as a compliment to you and your daughter that they didn't feel they needed to check up.

I'd never send a 12 year old child of mine to sleep somewhere with people I'd never met or even spoken to. Obviously 99 times out of 100 it will be fine and 12 year olds are not toddlers; but IMO it's neglectful

I disagree with the comment ...

TBH you can usually tell from how the children behave, what the parents are like

I know some very respectable parents who have children that are tearaways.

......my es (12 1/2) had a few sleep overs where I didn't know the parents etc...never occured to me to call them...but maybe I am naive...I also had Kids for sleep overs here where the parents did not know nor call me....

Slowreading - that's exactly what I think. I have never even seen these parents with it being a secondary school and DD has never been invited to these girls houses either so the parents have not met her.

I thought it was strange but perhaps it was just me because DD is very much a PFB and I do not allow her to 'go up town' and meander meaninglessly on the streets either or have a 'boyfriend' which is why all her friends call me a 'strict' mum!!

Did the other parents drop the children at your house or did the girls make their own way?

If they dropped them then I guess they clocked the house/you opening the door/your DD being there etc.

Not a lot to judge on but then neither is a phone call really.

Dunno though my DD is 18mo and my DH will be just like fairynuffs!

I picked them up from school (7 seater car comes in handy ) and the parents picked them up the next day the 1st time. I also picked them up this time.

Ladyevenstar, it was me who said that you can usually tell what the parents are like from the children. I know lots of tearaways with lovely parents too and I think I phrased it wrongly. What I mean was that if your DC invites a polite, well-behaved sensible child round, it's behaviour that's learned and expected in their own house, and I would make a judgment about the parents based on the child.

When my children were this age they were not allowed to go to a slepover unless I had spoken to the parents first.

Purpleduck, perhaps your smile is an irony indicator, but how can the OP call the parents if her DD is sending out the invitations to families the OP hasn't met yet?

My dd has lots of sleepovers, mostly with children that she has been to their houses or they have been here and I have picked them up so parents do know me a little bit. The exceptions have been one child who wasn't allowed to stay as parent didn't want her doing sleepovers until she was 12, which was fine with me and another child who parents met me first. Both dh and I are CRB checked for various reasons and I certainly don't have any problem with parents wanting to meet me, but would be equally happy if they felt confident to leave their dc with me.

Both me and dh are CRB checked...me because I am studying Occupational Therapy and before that was residential support worker with children displaying challenging behaviour(on bank basis)...and dh is now working with those Kids full time....
but those parents don't know that....and I don't know some of them....but ds was at their houses before and felt fine there....otherwise he would say no to sleepover...

one of my daughters friends isn't allowed to sleepover anywhere. We have had her here several times for tea (the mum is a friend of mine) but the 10 year old isn't allowed to do sleepovers as she is "too young".

We have known the family for 6 years. Other mums from school have stopped asking as it seems that this little girl will never be able to stay away over night