dh being a Ar8eh0le about flexible working

[mummy2isla]

Dh and I are both solicitors. I've managed to negotiate that I can go back 3 days a week for 6 months then 4 days per week. I'm happy with this. So I told dh about the outcome of my meeting today and he says "well you've waived your right to work a 5 day week, that was stupid, come on, we're both lawyers, you should know better than that". And starts going on about how I should've insisted that i can go ft again after 12 months.

Not only do I not want this but they've actually been good to agree that i can go back up to 4 days given the policy says that once you've changed you can't go back. But he says that I should've negotiated harder ..

Er, hello? I got what I wanted! So upon talking to him it emerges that he is jealous that I can work 3 / 4 days and he can't (as he's more senior than me) so basically is being a7sey about me being able to do so.

I think this is pretty sh1tty of him - surely the most important thing is that dd gets a day or two extra at home with mummy - ie at least one of us!

He says that I should be more considerate of his feelings in having to work full-time.

AIBU to be quite royally peeved?

Would you like me to hold him while you slap him hard? Really hard!

thanks. He's starting to convince me that I'm being unfair!! I switched the computer on in the end to show him the policy. He's driving me bl00dy mad about it!!!

He's gone off downstairs in a sulk now.

He's being an ass telling you that you should have negotiated harder when you got what you wanted...

It sounds like you didn't discuss it first though. Is this what he is really pissed off about, not being 'consulted' on what you were going to do.

It's lovely that your DD gets more time with you

offer to change places with him then.

I think it depends. Had you discussed your plans with your dh beforehand? Will the reduction in your income leave you or the family in financial difficulties? Has your dh got job security worries of his own?

But, really, I think you're entitled to feel peeved if this was always your plan and dh is just sulking because he can't work part-time. And if can't work part-time, why not? If it's because his company has inflexible policies, maybe he can help to change that.

sorry posted before I finished

offer to change places with him then. If he's saying he only wants to work 3 or 4 days a week, call his bluff - I bet he won't!!!

No, we'd discussed it. The question of 5 days never came up before tonight. He says that he's happy for me to work 3 days forever if I want but that in this economic climate I shouldn't have waived the right to 5 days. No financial pressure as he earns a lot more than I do.

Just cracking his whip really. He thinks that work try to take advantage of me (to be fair I did work v long hours when pregnant ... but was just explaining to him that that was MY choice not theirs).

He is in a small firm and is a partner so couldn't do part-time really.

Did you discuss it in advance and did he suggest you both work 4 days?
Dads can have time with their children too y'know, flexible/part time working seems to be looked on as something for the mothers only.

Me and dp work 4 days each.

So he's happy for you to work 3 days, providing you clear it with him first? I don't think so.

yeah exactly. I don't even know what his point was really.

I think essentially it was that I shouldn't trust work (who are bending over backwards to let me come back how I want to) as they are just letting me do 3 then 4 for their own reasons, and that i should've insisted upon 5 (which I don't even want), and that I should always be aware that they are trying to screw me over but he's not.

Gawd he seems to have got so controlling.

Not having a fun relationship at present it has to be said!!

Some companies give you a temporary variation to your contract to let you do 3-4 days a week. But they leave your basic underlying contract at 5 days a week so that maybe even years down the line, you can return to that, if you so wish.

I know you don't want 5 days a week right now ... but could it be that he means in the long term, you might want to retain the right to a full-time job?

yeah - but mine is drafted to be a permanent variation.