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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be hopping mad at husband

27 replies

treedelivery · 02/04/2009 16:02

Was going to namechange but who cares?

So dh, who is a dh, was supposed to turn the hot water off in Jan. I found the boiler blasting away at 7 this morning and the water is on auto - so he didn't.

Background - dh was made redundant end Nov, 2 months before 2nd dc due, so financial melt down ensued. By Jan we looked at bills in our new house [moved in march so 1st winter] and made the frankly shite decison to turn off the hot water as the gas bill was beyond us. We sensibly took readings and checked with company to see if direct debit was covering it, it wasn't. So payments went up, water went off, heating on for an hour in morning and hour in evening and thats it.

We noticed there was still hot water and we have worried and looked and decided there must be some electric immersion somewhere we couldn't find it, heating the water. Cue worry of electricity bill, plumber/heating engineer bill to sort it etc.

But he hadn't switched the controls had he, because I looked today when I heard the boiler firing, and it was plainly on auto not off. He's saying it was turned off. We're having a text argument. I admit I never checked the contols when I found the water still hot - because I never thought after all the conversations we had about it he could just have not done it. ARGHH!!

So I stomped up the stairs to get the lap top [he uses a desktop located in his 'boys room' back kitchen] to start this thread.

And I find [low grade] porn in the address bar.

I'd say I'm fairly pissed off. Am I being a bitch?

Background to incident 2 - my mother is here today, he knows we will be online today for various reasons, dd2 uses the computer [under supervision she is 4 but still..], dd2 is 10 weeks and frankly I don't need the guilt trip of not 'putting out like a porn star' right now. Sob.

OP posts:
Geepers · 02/04/2009 16:05

My instinct is that is that yes YABU, you should have checked.

how on earth did you think you were going to manage with no hot water? Bathing, laundry, washing-up?

PlumBumMum · 02/04/2009 16:06

for you
for the heating
Tell him you sent your mother on up to the computer and she found the porn

WildSeahorses · 02/04/2009 16:08

YANBU to expect him to either do as asked or say he hadn't done it. Not sure how yuo would've managed with no hot water at all, though... I certainly couldn't

Original poster
treedelivery · 02/04/2009 16:09

Shower heats it's own, washer on 15 degree heating it's own, kettle for washing up if not dishwasher, dishwasher on cool and quick heats once every few days, it heats its too.

Frugal living sucks, but felt had no choice when on £75 week and Mat pay.

He said he'd done it and I couldn't even reach the controls in the back kitchen at term, because of all his piled up stuff. But I see your point.

OP posts:
squilly · 02/04/2009 16:12

I know how this feels. I found the same kind of thing one night when looking on DH's laptop. I asked him about it and he denied all knowledge, which actually pissed me off much more than any degree of porn could. (Like your DH it was low grade stuff, but it was there, all the same).

It really shook us up as a couple. He was worried about the porn aspect, I was more worried about the honesty. We sorted it out, but we did row more than a little. And I told him what a knob he was for looking at porn on his works laptop! He was lucky it was me that found it, rather than his boss.

For the heating thing I'd be a bit miffed, but the porn would probably make me blow it out of proportion.

I like plumbummum's idea. Tell him his mum found it.

RumourOfAHurricane · 02/04/2009 16:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
treedelivery · 02/04/2009 16:16

House heated in am and pm, water meant to be unheated. Actually it's been at simmering point much to our perplexed amazment. Now I know why!

Like his libido

Good idea plumbummum!

OP posts:
Original poster
treedelivery · 02/04/2009 16:35

And arguing iver text isn't very satistying either! Pah!

OP posts:
TheNatty · 02/04/2009 16:44

oh it is annoying isnt it? DH left the oven on last night using up 2 of the last 3 quid on the meter, which meant i couldnt run the tumble dryer today as we have no money till tomorrow and ive got to stretch the last quid.

i dont think they know/care how much things cost, my DH will eat two tins of beans in one meal and be perlexed as to why i am going into one!

missjackson · 02/04/2009 17:53

YANBU If he said he had turned the water off, why would you not believe that it had been done? Especially if you went to all the hassle of calling an engineer - didn't he think to check then? You can't be expected to double check everything he says he has done.

But to be fair, it must have been an honest mistake, so I would be inclined to move on fairly quickly...

As for the porn, yanbu, that's just sleazy full stop, soft or not.

LibrasJusticeLeagueofBiscuits · 02/04/2009 17:56

I think YABU over the hot water, if you were still getting hot water why on earth didn't you check?

No idea why you are getting worked up about the porn apart from the fact he is a plonker not to hide it better if your DD4 does use the computer.

Blu · 02/04/2009 17:58

The water sounds like an honest mitake, and if i were you i would be kicking myself for not actualy loking at the controls. You haven't looked at the controls since Jan? Women can (hopefully!) understand and manage CH controls as well as a man.

As for porn - well, low grade...does he read newspapers with it in? Just tell him it was careess with visitors around.

In fact his main crime seems to be carelessness and slapdashness.

PatTheHammer · 02/04/2009 18:02

Tree YANBU, having found both in the past I would rather find porn than emails from another woman for example (long time ago and ancient history....yawn!). But I can see your concern from Dd's point of view, I would go bonkers if it was a computer my kids have access to.
Milk it from the 'how could you be so insensitive to me when I've just had your darling offspring' perspective and you should get a good few gifts/cups of tea/meals made for you for the next few weeks.

Also make him watch the sex education vs pornography show on Channel 4 tonight to embarass him further....

Original poster
treedelivery · 02/04/2009 18:02

Worked up about the porn as it was just sat there on [unofficially] my computer, for my mum to see! If she had used the drop down address bar I'd have died!

Didn't check the hot water as I genuinely couldn't step over the unpacked stuff to get to the controls - although I realise this sounds dead lame. Was a bit of a walrus last pregnancy!

Also just believed him when he said 'it's turned off'

OP posts:
Original poster
treedelivery · 02/04/2009 18:08

Am feeling less hopping mad now, more shuffling mad.

OP posts:
TheNatty · 02/04/2009 18:08

lol tree. you HAVE just had a baby.. blame ur hormones lol

stripeywoollenhat · 02/04/2009 18:18

on your laptop?' cheeky blighter. yanbu

swampster · 02/04/2009 18:47

I once worked in an office where a bloke got sent an email which, when opened, screamed: "Hey everybody, I'm looking at porn!"

Original poster
treedelivery · 02/04/2009 18:50

Oh now I need that email to forward to his sorry ass.

Actually he's being huffy but trying not to show it infront of his mil.

S'not my fault he didn't turn the water off and made a faux pas is it? Tut!! And I have everyright to send a huffy text under the circumstances

OP posts:
mumoftoby · 02/04/2009 20:29

YANBU - well I don't think so anyway. Your DH sounds just like my DH

tinkhas2scrummygirls · 03/04/2009 13:07

oh no tree about water and porn how horrid

IheartEASTEREGGS · 03/04/2009 13:11

So he thought he's turned it off, but had accidently switched it to auto instead?
Neither of you checked when you realised water was stil getting heated?
Both as daft as each other really!

and nowt wrong with a bit of porn, at least he's steering clear of nagging you and your post birth bits! Do agree it would be funny to tell him his Mum found the link though - he should have cleaned up PC

purpleduck · 03/04/2009 13:13

Tree, are you more pissed off that he's not working?
Water seems an honest mistake...could the porn be a pop up? We get all kinds of stuff without asking for it.

FairLadyOfMuslinCloth · 03/04/2009 13:25

not really anything to say towards the thread...but...washingmachines and dishwashers are plumbed into the cold water anyway, aren't they?

Original poster
treedelivery · 03/04/2009 17:32

Fairlady - our washer has both, dishwasher just cold.

Purple - He's working now. Woo Hoo!

Yes the water was an honest mistake - I'm not saying her did it to wind me up. Doesn't make me feel any less cross at him as it was such an important hard decision.

I dispute I should have physically checked. He was asked to do it, he said he'd done it and we have mused it over many times. He's 34 and should have done it. He didn't.
Besides I REALLY couldn't reach the controls - baby due and huge and all that, and appaling amounts of crap piled up in front of the controls. I asked him if it was off and he said he'd done it.

Having it off saves about £30 month. Massive! We have a HUGE hot water tank that the old old boiler costs a lot to heat.

Spoke about the porn - no pop up. I don't actually mind him using porn, I think it is well within normal. I am absolutely not prepared to have it as the top 2 in the address srop down for my mujm to find. She was here he knew we would be online.

Yeah these were all honest mistakes but I haven't heard anything to make me being cross about them unreasonable.

OP posts:
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