to expect my Mum to tighten the car seat straps properly!!

[Sheeta]

My mum occasionally looks after DS (once in a blue moon really) but have just found out that she hasn't been pulling the car seat straps tight enough.

( I pull them so they're pretty tight and can just slip a couple of fingers under).

She refuses to do it, she doesn't think he's be able to wriggle out and thinks I pull the straps far too tight.

I'm his Mum, as far as I'm concerned what I say goes, and she should bloody well respect that!!

(yes, and I know how lucky I am to have a Mum who'll look after DS sometimes...)

If the straps are too loose to work properly at preventing injury in an accident then YANBU. Can't really make a judgement otherwise. How loose are they?

Is it possible your Mum might not have strong enough hands to pull the strap tight or she finds it difficult to bend over and do it? Maybe she just finds it complicated and fiddly and cannot quite work out how to do it?

I say this because my FIL has mild arthritis in his hand and a spondolosis in his shoulder and does not see too well in dim light so he really struggles to grip/pull adjust straps and buckles on seat belts and car seats but he is not willing to say he needs help.

He always leaves the straps too loose on car seast for our DSs but he does not do it on purpose.

YANBU - It's not about his wriggling loose, it's about the amount he will move in the event of an accident!

Only by having him held tight in the seat can it work properly to prevent injury.

If he can move forwards then his tiny neck and spine are still very much at risk if you or she has a crash!

YANBU - Explain to your Mum that your son will just slip out if they're not tight enough. If that doesn't convince her, then, ????

ABetaDad has a good point though - those things can be fiddly and as we go through life our grip can become a problem.

Same here abetadad. They arent the easiest things to do up.

"I'm his Mum, as far as I'm concerned what I say goes, and she should bloody well respect that!!" and I'm not sure that attitude is all that constructive If that is really how you feel don't ask her to do it.

She probably doesn't realise the safety implications - after all when you were your DS' age you probably didn't have a car seat at all.

The official RoSPA car seat safety website has a section you could show her - you might be able to get it in leaflet form as well. They've also recently put some videos up which I think cover how tight the straps need to be.

Here.

I think if you explain to her why you need them to be so tight, she will be more willing to do as you ask. Yes, she should be following your instructions anyway, but she probably sees no harm in what she is doing.

YANBU to be concerned. A properly tight strap could be the difference between life and death. But you should also consider that the older generation do struggle with more modern car seats. My mum never even had one when I was a toddler and back in about 1981 she remembers breaking hard and me flying off the back seat bumping my head!

My MIL was in charge of dd a few weeks ago when my dd was unwell with a fever up and down. My elderly MIL bless her, thought it a good idea to keep dd's thick cardigan on in front of a blazing wood fire, even though dd's temperature had gone up to 40!!

I had a flying fit when I got there and I immediately stripped off dd and sponged her with tepid water - much to the HORROR of MIL who thought she'd get a chill!! I had to tactfully remind her of the risk of febrile convulsion, but it still caused a bit of friction.

It's best for you to tactfully (if you can) explain the need for it to be tighter. The older generation are often very out of touch with the modern ideas and advice of parenting. You just have to forgive them it, as they are set in their ways and sometimes think they may know best, when they really don't at all.

thank you for your replies, most of them very helpful. she's perfectly capable of doing it up tight enough so it's not that.

It's about as loose as his highchair straps (which i would never leave him in unattended). He could easily slip his arms out, and that's way too much.

(Orm, my attitude is more than justified, trust me. can't be arsed to go into details, but of course I wouldn't actually say that to her unless it escalated into an argument.. (likely))

She seems to think that he should be wearing a big woolly sleepsuit under a duvet, all wrapped up warm... he's in PJ's and a summer grobag and he's just fine

what scares me is that she's been doing this for months, and I just didn't know. I checked with her the first time she put him in a carseat and I think she just pulled it tight to appease me, but most of the time leaves it loose so he's 'more comfortable'

ARGH!!

I think you should get some leaflets from the shops that sell them or get her to look at the webpage CherryChoc linked for you. It is a matter of life and death - not just the usual argument over a packet of chocolate buttons. If she's a bit 'poo poo' over it, then I think you should tell her if you can't trust her to make sure he's put in it safely you can't trust her to look after him - I bet he'll be in that car seat so tight he'll not be able to breathe!!!