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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have or not to have another child?

9 replies

saraya · 02/04/2009 09:54

I am interested in hearing advice,suggestions and experience etc from others about my dilemma. I turn 41 this July and have 2 sons: aged 3 and 11 months now.They are not easy kids and I still don't get much sleep and yet I am starting to wonder if i should have another final child because i know my DH would love another ( maybe a daughter for a change although not the reason)though he too is tired! The thing is I feel pressured because of my age. If I DO want another child the time is approaching soon to start working on one but then I am not sure I want to have a young kid in my late forties and early fifties along with 2 pre teen sons! So this is my dilemma: Have a child soon before it is too late(sounds so harsh but isn't it a fact?) or be content with the two lovely healthy sons I do have now and forget it?

OP posts:
DanJARMouse · 02/04/2009 09:57

I have 3 under 5yrs old. It is very much a personal choice, but I wanted to get it all out of the way in one go.

I would go with what your gut instinct is, and discuss with your DH.

mixedmamameansbusiness · 02/04/2009 10:02

I have two boys a 3 and 1 year old and would like one more I am 27 so can wait i guess but despite this agree with previous post i want to have the baby stages all over so we can just get on with being a family and growing together and getting career on track etc. Definitely a personal choice tho and agree gut instinct is paramont.

Sorrento · 02/04/2009 10:13

Honestly ? I would stick with two children.

Unless you have a burning desire that means you will not rest until you have that 3rd baby (in which case would you even need to ask) having 2 children will make your life 100% easier.

Yours are still very young at the moment and whilst they may not seem easy now it doesn't get any easier as they grow up, different yes, less physical, but more emotional/intellectual support is required, plus fetching them and taking them to various events.

If you ever have to say no to the older two boys would you be thinking if I hadn't had the third child then I wouldn't be in this position and that can be a lack of time issue as much as a financial one.

I also have a child who will not be left in childcare and therefore the biggest cost to me is loss of earnings rather than food/clothes/space, it all makes a massive impact on DH and I's future.

mrsjammi · 02/04/2009 10:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

amidaiwish · 02/04/2009 10:27

"I am starting to wonder if i should have another final child because i know my DH would love another "

that is not enough of a reason to have another child imo.
i have 2 DDs age 5 and 3. dh would quite like another, but we are only just getting full night's sleep, life is just getting easier, we are just getting time for ourselves.
plus i tend to be very ill throughout pregnancies and dh is working hard, long hours. i don't know how i would cope with school runs, 2 young children and being pregnant then a baby.

it has to be your decision but agree with the poster above who said if you wanted another baby then it would be a "yearning" to have another. not a "my DH would love another". would he really? or does he just fancy having a daughter?

lalalonglegs · 02/04/2009 10:43

I have three (just turned five, almost three and one tomorrow) - it's fine. Don't agaonise over it; if you want another and can afford another, it's just a question of getting on with it. (Caveat: mine are all good sleepers...)

lalalonglegs · 02/04/2009 10:44

agonise

Original poster
saraya · 02/04/2009 13:42

I have been carefully thinking about eveything so far posted in response and I await more with much interest. I am being very open minded about every bit of advice I read. I am not crazy about children and my husband is very understanding so he would never pressure me at all. If it weren't for my age I would take a break and then revisit this topic after a couple of years when i would have had some sleep but being over 40 I can't affod to do so and the age gap between my kids and myself is not something I consider lightly! I just feel this is my last chance and I want to make a decision based not on an emotional inclination but on what is best for us all as a family if possible that is! We had aspired when engaged to have 3 kids but after having two and all the stress we have had it is different and so( and i am using my head promise!!) I think I should make up my mind once and for all and live with what i decide.

OP posts:
Fairynufff · 02/04/2009 13:52

I would have loved a fourth but stopped because of being so bloody knackered all the time. There comes a time IMO when you have to stop with the babies and getting a life back with your husband...

Good luck with your decision!

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