To expect mums at school to be friendly!

[katedan]

My son is in yr 1 and has just sent out invites to his birthday party. He has struggled to make friends so decided to invite about 20 children who he thought were nice and wanted to be friends with or he sometimes plays with. On the day the invites went out one of the mums came over to say she did not know why DS had invited her child as they were not friends. I explained that I thought they sometimes played with each other and DS had wanted to invite him. Today another child handed out their invites for their party for the same time and date as DS (although not to all the same kids) this mums came over to say "oh waht date is DS party!) I said the date and she said oh it looks like her son has a choice as X also has their party for the same day. I asked her why she was being so nasty (she never has spoken to me before this week and was obviously rubbing salt in) she said she had not meant to be nasty she just thought it was funny that they were the same day!. Then she said she had found out who had kicked her child in the balls and it was another child in DS class I said that was not nice of them and she said well this time it was not HIM!!! nodding at my DS. It was horrid and I nearly cried. On top of that not one parents has said if their child can come to DS party and the school holidays start on Friday. no one ever speaks to me so I don't know why the other mums are being like this. I now dread doing the school run.

Don't panic though about no responses - DD just had her party, I think of 14 invites we got about 2 people ringing up to accept, and they were the two new parents who didn't know where our house was. And one of them was the only child who didn't come on the day (not her fault at all, to be fair, she was ill).
As I don't know all the parents I got DD to ask her friends a couple of days before whether they were coming or not, far more successful IME.
We did invite about half a dozen non-school friends who we got a definite answer from by dint of ringing up & inviting over the phone!

I sympathise, I never really talk to parents at school, I don't avoid them, I am just not very good at getting talking to people. But yesterday something happened that made me never want to go near the playground ever again. Enough of my tales of woe, very unhelpful. Have you got some friends/family with kids you can invite over as well? Or just be brave and ask all the parents to confirm.

Right well you are just going to have to be brave and get out there and askthem if they're coming or not. Don't let them see you are upset just nod and move on. Then step back and look at what you've got.

It's a sad fact of life that some women are vile to other women. We all know this - who doesn't remember clashing with a snotty cow at school? They grow up too, they just don't change that much.

The important thing is to keep all this crap away from your ds. If there is an issue with him kicking other children then you and his teacher can sort that out but the fact that these women are making you feel deadly is best kept to yourself.

If possible wear something tomorrow you feel fab in and plan something nice for after you've done the school run - even if it's only a good coffee! This too shall pass...

Kitbit's post is excellent
try not to show ds that you are worried
invite as many people as you can
can you get grandparents to come? family friends with dcs?

If you live near me then it is traditional to not bother to reply to any party invite. If you invite 20 you will have a turn out of 14. Only 4 will have bothered to reply and 2 of them will be a "no". Do you live in a less than desirable part of Edinburgh?

Avoid cowbag mum. She was only picking on you because all her other victims have wised up. Take an Ipod with you next time and pop the ear plugs in whenever you see her approaching.

Speak to your DSs teacher. She might be able to give you a hint for what children she thinks your son will get on with. Invite them on playdates.

These mums are very unpleasant.

I think at this age friendships change a lot and it is normal to invite people to a party who are in your class but not close friends.

I think in your position I would have a chat to the teacher and explain your worries that your son does not have many good friends. Tell her what has happened with the Mums..maybe she will shed some light on their behaviour. Maybe she could observe the class and see if there is anything that is going wrong for your son in the playground.

If possible move the date or time of the party to avoid the clash..could you make your party earlier or later in the day so the children can go to both.

I would then phone everyone up and make a list of who can come and who can't. If you end up with fewer than 10 maybe invite some of your DS friends from out of school activities or other friends. I wouldn't worry if you end up with 10-15 as this will be more than enough people to have a good party and you won't have to buy so much food, so many things for party bags.

For future parties I would cut the numbers down to 15 or less as children this age can be really exhausting unless you have the patience of a saint which I don't!