to not (yet) trust the babysitter?

[Bluebeardslastwife]

I suspect that I probably am a bit. But, if so, please help me to overcome my reservations.

I recently found a babysitter/minder through a community noticeboard. She seems very nice, and comes twice a week for a few hours while I do some freelance jobs from home. She wants to take ds (11 months) for walks, which I know he'll enjoy. But I hardly know her. We're new in town so everything is still unfamiliar and I just don't feel comfortable with her taking him out just yet. She's from abroad and so I've only checked one of her references.

In all likelihood, she's not a baby stealer, they won't get into an accident (even though this is one of those towns renowned for bad driving). But there's always that small chance - and I just don't think I'm willing to take it.

I'm almost sure that I'm being all pfb about this. But would you trust your baby with a near stranger?

I'm not even a parent yet, but I'd say that seeing as you don't have to leave him with her alone, then there's no reason that you should. Wait a while, see how you feel in a month or so. Your son isn't going to miss out by not going for walks with her, and if you feel better about that then great.

You probably are being a bit PFBish, but who cares? It's not OTT.

YANBU. I would be exactly the same. Only let her take your DS for walks when you feel comfortable. He is the most precious thing in your life, follow your instinct. For what it's worth, I think it would be a bit odd to trust a near stranger with your DS.

I understand any mother's worry re leaving her child in a near strangers hands.

I do however think to have a nice relationship with your babysitter you are going to have to take a step towards letting her think you trust her.

Perhaps you could start by asking her to go to the shop for a pint of milk for instance?

If she's advertising to work with children then she should be CRB checked but I don't know if that applies to people from overseas?

I think you have to go with your gut instinct though if you've checked her reference I would probably let her take him out for a walk. Not sure I'd let her drive him without checking out her driving and making sure she had adequate insurance.

FWIW I did one nanny job where I only spoke to the Mother on the phone briefly, arrived at the job, did a hand over with the current nanny, met Mum for literally five minutes and was then left on my own with the 11wk old baby until Mum got home at 10pm. ( Was only a temp job. ) I had come through an agency but the Mother didn't do any checks herself.

I'd be exactly the same. In fact I'm glad you've posted this as I now feel much better and less neurotic.

Can you get more references?

It's good to hear that I'm not completely paranoid.

I can't get more references because her other experience is abroad. The linguistic difficulties, at the very least, make that more than a bit awkward.

Scottish, you're right. I like her and want to have a good relationship with her. But it gets tricky if I so obviously don't trust her.

I don't blame you.

We don't have a regular babysitter at the moment and I am loath to get someone I don't know.

There is a company which advertise on here and when I looked at their site they said they don't do CRB checks because all their babysitters already worked in the childcare industry and would have CRB checks from their jobs.

The way I understand it, you should have a CRB check for every different job/activity. Eg my childminder friend had to have another CRB check done to help at the scouts even though she already has a current certificate from her childminding.

It wasn't good enough for me.

So if you are BU, so am I.

< sighs and picks up takeaway menu for another "night out" >

Could you find someone who speaks the language in question and ask them to e-mail/call re the reference?

The best option would have been to pick an Ofsted Registered Childminder, then you know she will be CRB checked and experienced.
She may have a CRB check, but if she doesnt, you have to question Why NOT?

Balloon slayer, if you already have a CRB check there's no need for a babysitting agency to have you apply for another one.All you have to do is ask the girl when she's coming to bring her CRB cert with her.
I'm a bitter Nanny who doesn't believe the CRB system actually works. My CRB took 15weeks to arrive, I lost the opportunity to do charity worin in the far east because of it!

Message withdrawn

Sorry that should have read charity work in the Far East! (was rather p'd off when I typed that response!!!)

I agree with you ScottishThistle, that it's a daft system. One certificate should do for all things.

about your missed opportunity. I hope you get another chance.

The CRB rules being what they are, I didn't trust the babysitting company because they were flouting them.

Obviously if I knew someone who would babysit, I wouldn't ask them to get CRB checked. It's the idea of a complete stranger, arranged for me by a company which can't be arsed to do its own CRB checks as the law dictates, that makes me nervous.

I wouldn't enjoy my night out.

Is she just a babysitter or are you her employer, if only part time? Cos a twice a week, few hours each time, seems like it could be argued that it's employment rather than just babysitting, iyswim. (a cleaner can come for 3 hours twice a week and you are still their employer and need to do things properly )if you are her employer, you need to do things properly, get a crb check for her, check her status (not employing illegally - which would come back on YOU), etc etc make sure you do everything right.

I see what you're saying but CRB's are not free and if a girl registers with 10 agencies she'd have to babysits for months to pay the cost of her CRB's. Do you see what I'm saying?

A CRB is not necessary for each agency if it is current, in last 2yrs (don't quote me on that).

I am sure you're right and I am wrong, ScottishThistle, I have been thinking since my last post that the agency can't be breaking any rules, they'd never get away with it.

Just not comfortable though.

No worries, I think a lot of people are pretty confused by CRB's.
I personally would be more worried if a girl had no/only one reference.