Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to stop DDs going to the Easter party?

32 replies

Moosy · 31/03/2009 20:25

Both of them have been SO naughty today: spitting, generally not doing as they're told, drawing all over the walls, and now refusing to stay in their beds. I've sent them both to the corner for each thing during the day and DD1 was sent to bed for a bit this afternoon when she refused to apologise for spitting, now they both keep getting out of bed.

I threatened them with not going to the party, then I went outside to put the bins out, looked up at their window and saw them both standing on the windowsill (also forbidden!). I have now said that neither of them can go to the party (on Thursday), so AIBU?

They're 2.1 and 3.6.

OP posts:
LadyGlencoraPalliser · 31/03/2009 20:26

Yes, YABU they are only tiny for goodness sake.

IheartNY · 31/03/2009 20:27

imo they are too young for a punsihment so far ahead
can you chat to them in the morning and say 'if you do x,y and z today you can earn back the chance to go to the party' maybe?

emkana · 31/03/2009 20:28

I think at this age consequences should be more immediate, by Thursday they will have forgotten what they had done wrong.

oregonianabroad · 31/03/2009 20:29

I can completely sympathise with you about how upseting this kind of behaviour can be, but YABU.

Think NY probably has a good idea there -- try and get out of it without letting them realise you are backing down.

Original poster
Moosy · 31/03/2009 20:32

Ok so maybe I am being a bit U, but they make me so MAD!

What punishment can I dish out at 8pm when they're supposed to be asleep?

Whatever I say to DD2, her answer is always "whyyyyy?" Grrrrrrrr!

OP posts:
compo · 31/03/2009 20:32

they won't understand why they can't go to the party
are you with them at all times?
that age gap is so hard , do you have any help?

compo · 31/03/2009 20:34

was your 2.1 yr old climbing out of her cot? if not I'd put her in a grobag and back into the cot

if she can get out of the cot I would stabd outside her door for as long as it takes, as soon as you hear the door handle move say 'back to bed' firmly and carry her back
don't get into a huge rigmarole of goodnight kisses etc
repeat, repeat , repeat and eventually she'll get it

MrsMcCluskey · 31/03/2009 20:35

too young to undeerstand the punishment at thatage

oregonianabroad · 31/03/2009 20:37

Moosy, I can thoroughly recommend (and frequently do) this book, which saved my sanity when my ds1 was about 2.5 or 3. I still use it constantly, and it has caused a huge turn-around in behaviour problems in our house.

Good luck. It will get easier as they get a bit older.

slowreadingprogress · 31/03/2009 20:38

agree YABU and you are setting yourself up to fail if you do give these sort of punishments, because all it does is foster an atmosphere of anger and resentment

Children this age (most ages!) need their consequence to be immediate.

I think with kids it's a case of giving them choices; because you cannot control another human being, even a toddler one, even though we all expect this to happen!

I don't mean 'darling, would you like to go to bed or not?', I mean give them something to choose that they want MORE than playing get out of bed games.

Could be anything - you to sit with them for a while, a CD to listen to...the nightlight on...usually there's something they want that you can get them to choose instead of the bad behaviour IMO

Mspontipine · 31/03/2009 20:38

"repeat, repeat , repeat and eventually she'll get it"

About 2 years should do it

Original poster
Moosy · 31/03/2009 21:11

Sorry I disappeared then, was on the phone...

Compo, yes I am here with them all day everyday except when DD1 is at preschool 2 days a week. I wonder if perhaps I don't do enough with them and that's why they're playing up.

DD2 is in a big bed so is free to climb in and out at will unfortunately.

You see I realise that DD2 is too young to understand about the party but I can't stop DD1 going and still let DD2 go when she's been just as naughty.

Oregon, I have heard of that book before, I might get it as that's exactly how I feel - they just don't listen!

I think I'm panicking a bit tbh as we're going to be moving in to a caravan soon while we make our lovely new house (maybe the girls are picking up on my stress and are worried about leaving this house?) AND I found out I'm pg with DC3 today too.

Oh, they used to be so good , where did I it all go wrong??

OP posts:
oregonianabroad · 31/03/2009 21:16

Aaaaaaahhhh, the penny drops.

You have a lot (!!!) on your plate, girl.

Take it easy on yourself. And on your girls.

For a start, stop putting excess pressure on yourself (' I'm not doing enough with them'), and look for ways to relax/ lower expectations.

Original poster
Moosy · 31/03/2009 21:21

I'm thinking that perhaps tomorrow I will get them both to help me with something (not sure what??) and if they do it nicely they can earn back their party tickets. What do you think?

OP posts:
sorkycakey · 31/03/2009 21:50

excellent idea
have a chat with them both together about why you don't like the spitting.

Dillydaydreamer · 31/03/2009 22:09

YANBU to follow through if you have threatened it, because if you don't then they will realise you don't mean what you say.
However, a bit silly as a threat given their ages as the youngest will probably have forgotton all about the argument and behaviour by thursday. The oldest probably wouldn't though.
You can't punish one without the other though.
Would have been better to say no Easter eggs until behaviour is improved and make them help to clean up the mess imo.

mumeeee · 31/03/2009 23:12

YABU. They are to young to understand the connection with not going to a party on Thursday because of something they have done today.

oregonianabroad · 01/04/2009 07:13

Get them to help you clean off the writing on the walls.

Original poster
Moosy · 01/04/2009 10:12

Had words this morning and DD1 has promised to be good all day and will help me clean the wall when she gets home this afternoon.

DD2 is suitably oblivious.

OP posts:
Peachy · 01/04/2009 10:13

Ah its hard when they drive tou up the wall isn't it?

But I do agree- too severe for age and too far away.

get out clause: minor task given to them to earn back party so you don't seem like a walkover

Sorrento · 01/04/2009 10:18

Spitting ? Where the hell have they seen that, that would get a smacked bum in our house how disgusting.

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 01/04/2009 10:22

A smacked bum? That will teach them.
I don't think spitting necessarily has to be learned behaviour does it? A fairly normal part of the toddler repertoire I should have thought.

Sorrento · 01/04/2009 10:45

Fairly normal, not around here it's not, it's probably the only thing mine would consider beyond the pale, absolutely vile and to be nipped in the bud immediately.

Sorrento · 01/04/2009 10:46

And girls too yuk yuk yuk

Original poster
Moosy · 01/04/2009 10:53

It wasn't proper hoik-foo spitting, more ppppffff raspberry style. The spitting part was by-product of the noise really. Still yuck though.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread