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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think dp should shut up and get on with it?

26 replies

ilovetochat · 30/03/2009 14:15

DP is ill with tonsilitus and an ear infection, he has been ill last week while we were away and went to the docs friday when we got back. i told him to get a docs note as his work are funny if you have sick after a holiday. he came back with antibiotics, ear drops and no note saying the doc said he could self cert which i know is true but his work are very funny.

Me and dd are also ill with colds but nothing serious.

so sat i got up with dd, did breakfast, washing, dp got up at 9am, i did ironing, lunch. dp tells me he is going to do his hobby as he feels ok. i look after dd all day, dp gets home 7pm, baths her.

sun i get up with dd at 6am (new time) do breakfast etc, dp gets up at 10am. dd has been sick everywhere and i am looking after her, did dp and dd a snack, did a sunday roast, 2 more lots of washing, ironing, cleaning. while dd slept dp lay and watched the grand prix. i did tea, all the washing up, dp bathed her and i put her to bed.

so basically i have done everything all weekend as he is ill but well enough to do his hobby.
today he has gone to work, i told him not too as he is ill with a swelled face from the infection but he said he would be fine.
he has text to say his boss has been going on at him to catch up last weeks work and he feels terrible and shattered.

which means he will lying on the settee all nigt when he gets in.

aibu to say he should shut up and get on with it?
I know he is ill but.

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 30/03/2009 15:45

If he hadn't been 'well enough' to do his hobby on Saturday I would have said YABU, he sounds pretty sick.

I guess it depends what his hobby involves (a quiet bit of stamp collecting or territorial style climbing around a forest?!)...

and really, if he's well enough to be up and about, he's well enough to pitch in a bit, especially if you aren't feeling too good either....

But just remember, he's a bloke - so it's always FAR worse

Original poster
ilovetochat · 30/03/2009 15:53

his hobby involves strenuous exercise but pegging out the washing was just too much for him
why does manflu worsen during time for chores but get a bit better when there is fun to be had?

OP posts:
Geepers · 30/03/2009 15:59

YABU.

The man is on anti-biotics for tonsilitis and an ear infection. Have you had either one of those? One on it's own is painful but both together? And so bad his face is swollen?

He has worked all day, let him come home and crash.

mamas12 · 30/03/2009 16:00

YANBU You do not need to treat him as a child. Like I say to dcs if you're not well enough to go to school you're not well enough for playing out going to friends etc.
His choice. He has to suck it up.

PuppyMonkey · 30/03/2009 16:06

So if he'd done as you suggested and not gone into work - would you have been ok with him then? Swollen face does sound quite bad, am surprised he hasn't been sent home.

I would make him stay in bed for a few days and properly recover, instead of going off doing hobbies.

Then when he's better, you can get him back with a big list of stuff to do.

SlebMner · 30/03/2009 16:08

i thikn your DP was unreasonable to do his hobby which involves strenous excercise when he was so ill.. that has probably set him back and it is not a good idea, puts too much strain on your body when you are fighting infection

YANBU in being ticked off with him for that

if he is working and needs to rest then YABU

but i don;t thikn he has helped his cause by being well enough to do his strnous hobby, but not help with teh childrne etc all weekend

ChippingIn · 30/03/2009 16:16

Geepers - did you read all of the post?

Ilovetochat - Oh NO, no no no no no, you do not get to go out and do your hobby involving strenuous exercise then come home and be unable to put the bloody washing out. If you are well enough to 'play out' you are well enough to go to school do stuff around the house!!! END OF

He's being a twat - don't let him!

SoupDreggon · 30/03/2009 16:19

"I would make him stay in bed for a few days and properly recover, instead of going off doing hobbies"

FFS he's an adult!

Original poster
ilovetochat · 30/03/2009 16:20

i know he is ill, i made him go to the docs, he shouldnt be at work or doing exercise and i told him this but he doesnt listen and i cant make him stay at home.
iabu wanting help when he is ill, i just find it amazing he can still do sport and then maons after how tired he is.
he never has time off work and cant see he is slowing down his recovery, his choice but i get the moaning.

OP posts:
SoupDreggon · 30/03/2009 16:20

If he's well enough to do "strenuous exercise", he's well enough to pull his weight.

Geepers · 30/03/2009 16:22

ChippingIn - So because on Saturday he felt well enough to do his hobby (he did come home and bath his DD) he should be made to suffer for the rest of his illness?

Idranktheeasterspirits · 30/03/2009 16:26

He's going to work because he is worried about his job.
YABU. Why shouldn't he crash on the sofa tonight?

SoupDreggon · 30/03/2009 16:26

Where does it way he is going to be made to suffer?

Original poster
ilovetochat · 30/03/2009 16:27

geepers he was no better on saturday between 12 and 7 than the rest of the weekend, its just he said he felt a bit better to do his hobby, then he said he felt bad again.
I will still be looking after him when he gets in, putting his drops in etc, but his cheek amazes me sometimes.

OP posts:
TheBreastmilksOnMe · 30/03/2009 16:27

YABU he has got an ear infection and tonsilitis, far worse than a cold IMHO, stop being a martyr and talk to him if you are feeling like you are doing too much and he's not pulling his wait.

Original poster
ilovetochat · 30/03/2009 16:28

does it sound like he suffered when he had his snacks and meals done for him, washing and ironing done for him and he lay watching tv and doing sport.
if thats suffering i'll have a bit of that myself

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 30/03/2009 16:30

Geepers - out of all that needs doing around the house he managed to bath his DD? Big fecking deal. If he was feeling up to it he should have stayed home and helped around the place and with his DD when his wife wasn't feeling well either... being a bloke does not give you automatic right to go and participate in whatever hobby you like, whenever you like, without considering the rest of the family. Then on the Sunday he loafed around the house while ilovetochat did everything else... Then today he's gone to work (probably feels it's easier than staying home), so tonight he can come in and pass out again.... think I might come back as a bloke next time around....

Idranktheeasterspirits · 30/03/2009 16:31

So he probably felt better when the painkillers kicked in then?
leave him alone. let him crash.

ChippingIn · 30/03/2009 16:38

ilovetochat - can I please come around and suffer at your house

bubblagirl · 30/03/2009 16:39

i do feel sorry for men they could lose a limb and still be called wimps i agree when he was at home he should ave helped and you should talk to him about that calmly

but if at work and not well and its known you feel worse before getting better so probably feels worse than he did at weekend then he needs to rest

and you can say he can make it up to you when he feels better you will go out for day and he can watch dd

to be honest my dp wasn't ill at weekend but i still done everything for him as he works long hard hours and deserves to relax i could have asked him for help but i didn't

he looks after me and i look after him if he doesn't do enough for you in his spare time the problem needs to be addressed but if your ill your ill some kind of consideration and care needs to be given but past the illness it sounds like you have resentment for what he does or doesn't do so you need to speak about this

bubblagirl · 30/03/2009 16:42

you sound tired and run down at next opportunity get dp to get up and you relax and if you dont need to do so much in day dont run yourself ragged rest up stick a film on snuggle with dd and make the most of it when you have more energy catch up with the chores hope you both well all 3 of you feel better soon

but dont give yourself more work than you need to

Original poster
ilovetochat · 30/03/2009 16:54

i have no resentment against dp, i am a bit run down with a cold but nothing major, i'm fine.
if i was ill he would look after me and do everything no questions asked, but i would not suddenly get up and go for a 2 hour jog half way through the day, then lie back on the settee.
the point is, his illness got better saturday afternoon cos he wanted to do something then got worse again cos he was back home.

chippingin-come on round, would you like cake with your suffering or will a cuppa do for now.

OP posts:
nametaken · 30/03/2009 17:07

YANBU - when we were first married my husband used to be ill at a time that was convenient for him, ie, from Friday night to Sunday night, then he'd go to work Monday morning after being too ill to do anything all week-end.

I soon wised up and you will too

Original poster
ilovetochat · 30/03/2009 18:14

he is suffering now snuggled up with dd watching in the night garden, poor sole.

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 30/03/2009 19:54

Never adverse to a piece of cake, but could 'suffer' with a cuppa Tell you what, if you like, I'll bring over some Thorntons Chocolate Covered Toffee

Watching 'In The Night Garden' is punishment enough