to feel like its me always making the effort ?

[sazchocs]

DS is 14 months old and we have lived in the area 5 years. We have made some lovely friends. Since DS was born I have been trying to make new friends with children of similar age. I have made friends through NCT but have found it more difficult through the mother/toddler and activities route. Although I can be chatty when I get to know people I know I can come across as quite stand offish when I first meet people. This is the last impression I want to give.
Anyhow I have met a few nice people and feel as though its me who constantly gets in touch to see if they want to meet up/ do stuff. They are always up for it so I don't think they don't take the initiative cos they don't want to do stuff IFYKWIM. Am I being unreasonable for feeling fed up that I am always making the effort to arrange things or should I just accept that this is what making new friends is like - hard !?

I am always like this with all my friends new and old, i think they do like me think it is just the way people are. As long as you are having a good time when you meet up I would carry on.

i am in the same boat sazchocs, my dd is 20 months and i know a nice group of moms from different classes, we occasionally all go out to soft play together, i have initiated a couple of meetings at the park or invited moms round but it is never returned. strange isnt it?

Maybe people are just used to you being the one who gets in touch, and feel that they dont need to think about things too much, because they know that you will organise something?

I agree, it's annoying being everyone else's social secretary. With one person I got so fed up with it I haven't tried to set up anything for the last few months. So we haven't seen each other, tho she keeps sending email jokes (probably because she also can't be arsed to take me off the list). So that proves that she only was interested if I did all the running.

Sometimes I feel like a bloke with a hmw!

But it does make me value my can-be-bothered friends more. I've a friend fewer, but decided I don't care. Other people might think that's a bit harsh/cutting off nose, but after a while you just can't any more. Everyone's busy!

Thanks all - friends who have known me for years say its cos I am the organiser in the group ! That may be true but it would be nice if someone else thought up some ideas and got in touch occasionally !
glad to know I am not the only one

Why don't you suggest that each time you get together you take it in turns to organise the next one. Then before you leave you know whose turn it will be next. Jokingly say that then it wont always be your job.

I'm probably one of those people you talk about.

I work 4 days a week therefore never quite get round to arranging to do things on my day off. TBH sometimes I prefer just spending time with DS and I think he does too.

However I am delighted to receive invites and will generally meet up with people when they arrange it but as I like to keep at least 2 days clear per month it doesn't leave much free so I never really have to organise anything.

I do try to arrange the occasional night out so its not all take but you really don't know whats going on in other peoples lives and if they are finding it hard to keep it together.

If you are really bothered then stop doing the organising, but it may take a few weeks for the penny to drop, which could be lonely for you.

I'm with you rookiemater - happy with my own company but if I get an invite I won't turn it down. I'm sorry OP but you've obviously got the personality that fits that role. If it serves your social life issues then just take it on the chin.

Don't forget that 'new friends', especially ones made when toddlers are little can seem like close friendships but IME they are really just something to get you through that difficult and often isolated time. I made really close friendships with mums I met at a mums and toddlers group and we have all moved on. I'm not sad though because it was good while it lasted and if I see them around we will still have a chin wag.

Friendships with other women are complex and difficult at times. They are things to be nurtured over years, and can be confusing. (I feel sorry for men sometimes). It is not something that just happens like buying a tin of beans.

Fair comment Fairynuff. I left a good set of friends behind when I moved to this new area. Although I have made some new friends I suppose the comment behind the OP is the fact that I sometimes feel quite lonely and wonder if I will ever make as good a group of friends as I used to have where I grew up.

A friend of mine once told me that after she asked people back for lunch they never invited her and she was used to it now. She thought it was to do with the fact her house was so much bigger and tidier that they felt she wouldn't want to go back to theirs. But of course everyone likes to be invited, don't they?