To try and push DP to stay at his mums tonight on the basis of him being nearer to work, becasuse I need some headspace

[LEMAGAIN]

DPs jobs are running behind, he comes home like a bear with a sore head because of this - he has a two hour each way journey - if he were to stay at his mums he could reduce this to half an hour each way. IT makes SENSE for him to do this. His mum can do his dinner etc (she'd love it ) and i can TRY and sort out DDs bedtime routine. I am reducing my dose of ADs, i can't cope with his shit right now - i just can't (he is justified in it, he is stressed out but i just cannot deal with it).

I suggested it to him this AM, but i think i have upset him - i haven't told him that i really want him to stay away for a few days because i need some space, because he would be devestated and angry and react badly i think.

How can i persuade him that this is a good idea without saying, look, i need some fucking time to myself. We had a shit weekend, argued all day yesterday - i didnt actually WANT him to go to work today, because i felt so upset about the weekend. But he is at work now and i feel relaxed again

He says he will feel bad for not seeing DD. I said, see how it goes tonight, if i struggle with her then we'll scrap the idea (He usually does bedtime - badly!).

Knowing me, if he agrees i will end up being all self pitying and sad, but to be honest, i cant see what difference it makes - i will have to do dinner, which will be late - i will then have to walk on fucking eggs until he puts DD to bed. THEN he was fall asleep on her bed anyway and not come down - I will have to go and try and get him to either come down or go to bed, of coures he gets shitty with me cos he's knackered.

WHAT do i DO??

But LEM, is this what it takes to feel that love again?

Obviously!! Its not perfect, but its what we have - and that is worth fighting for. And NO actually - i just think me coming off the tablets was a mistake - just for now, i might go back to the original dose, or see if we can ride the storm. but posting on here is getting me nowhere, i could have been doing stuff for the business instead of whinging and then defending my DP

I just wondered whether day to day you both struggle to find less dramatic ways of rekindling that longing for each other?

yes, thankfully we do. but you know how it is - and really, this wasn't dramatic, more practical, but we don;t like it not doing it again!!

Its funny, during the day i felt quite excited about it, thinking oh, it will be like it was when we first met - we only saw each other at weekends - but when it was time for him to be home, i realised that is where he should be!!! Maybe i would have felt better about him being away if we hadn't have fallen out - but i dont think so. It is hard though, when its all problems and stress of a demanding weeun that seems to be at the forefront. I do worry it will split us up, but i know I can't let it.

See, he never thinks like that - yesterdays argument was yesterdays argument, its done, over!! finished with.

staying at his mum's is a VERY good idea!

I hope you can persuade him to do it more often.
Good luck

LEM I have read many of your threads and I really think that the core of the problem is that your DP is immature and utterly unsuited to self-employment. So you are doing the little-woman thing of supporting this allegedly important, sensitive, artistic man in his dreams and basically carrying him. Which is enough to send anyone mad with resentment. You have been putting your needs and wishes second to his for so long that it's no wonder you are all over the place. Unfortunately, because he is used to you enabling him to fanny around being artistic, he's not getting a grip and fully understanding that he actually needs to take some responsibility for himself, for your relationship and for the family income.

but Lem, part of what you do is posting on MN, then getting upset, then leaving MN, then coming back !!

on a serious note, i am glad that you and DP do love each other, but love is not necessarily always enough

i am not suggesting you bail simply due to finances. but the issues behind it : the fact that he has consistently underpriced and run over on jobs , that you never have any money or security, and you are constantly fearful and worried and unable to see a way out of it

that sort of stress is enough to blow the strongest relationship apart

I totally agree with SlebLuLu! but she puts things more tactfully than I do!