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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this mother taking the piss (quick response please i need to decide what to do)

30 replies

LEMAGAIN · 30/03/2009 10:06

There is a mum at DDs playschool, she often asks me to pick up her son from school while she waits outside in the car with her other child. I don't mind, but i usually go the opposite way and her son can be a bit difficult (not in a nasty way) to get moving, and instead of being able to focus on my DD and her morning - i have to faff around with this boy instead. She asked me this morning, faffed about it and decided she would pick him up. Great - she is going swimming, put her other child with CM and the pick up time is tight. Other times its because she on the way to visit her mum, take other child to baby gym. She always has pther mums picking him up, taking him to school - i think she is taking the piss.

Would it be petty of me to say no??

OP posts:
HecAteTheEasterBunny · 30/03/2009 10:08

no. it sounds like shes taking the piss.

cilitbang · 30/03/2009 10:12

Thats annoying, YANBU. Why can't she just get the baby out of the car to meet her DS? Loads of us have to. If I was you I'd get there really early and join the queue before she arrives so you are not there to ask, lazy cow.

Original poster
LEMAGAIN · 30/03/2009 10:13

she has just texted me to ask - what should i do?

OP posts:
Triggles · 30/03/2009 10:14

I'd tell her to do it herself. She's taking the piss.

ilove · 30/03/2009 10:15

Say sorry, I'm busy today

rookiemater · 30/03/2009 10:15

YANBU

Just tell her no, if you want to be super nice explain that you go the other way.

Can't be too much of an inconvenience for her to pick up her own son and doesn't sound as if you are friends so no loss there.

HecAteTheEasterBunny · 30/03/2009 10:17

difficult - since you are already going into the school anyway.

You have several options

don't reply, and pretend your phone has no charge and you didn't get the message

say no because you need to stay and have a word with the teacher (although that only helps you this one time!)

say yes, and just deal with the kid - be firm and tell the child off if they are a pain.

say no and tell her exactly why.

just thought - she's not got some sort of playground anxiety has she?

Notquitegrownup · 30/03/2009 10:17

Could you just say "Sorry, we have to dash off today".

It's nice to be able to help someone with a little one (thank you forever, to the stranger who once strapped ds2 into his car seat for me when he was stiff as a plank and screaming and had been for 40 minutes, after dropping ds1 off, long ago) but that way you flag up that you can't help every time she asks . . . .

MorningTownRide · 30/03/2009 10:17

She sits in the car waiting for you to deliver her ds to the car??

Totally taking the piss

Thrifty · 30/03/2009 10:17

If its a regular occurence then surely she should have a cm pick him up.

blinks · 30/03/2009 10:18

'sorry, can't do it. see you later'

TrillianAstra · 30/03/2009 10:19

She's asking for a favour. Maybe she thinks it's no big deal, and that it doesn't inconvenience you.

If it does inconvenience you, and you're not good enough friends to want to go through that level of hassle for her, then say 'sorry I can't'.

I don't know that she's 'taking the piss' because I don't think she is deliberately using people, but you don't have to do as she wants just because hse asks you to.

pagwatch · 30/03/2009 10:19

I would just say that your DD is playing up at collection time and you think it is because when you pick up her son you can't give her proper attention so you can't do it for a while.
Tell her you will let her know when you are able to help again and I would add " and anyway , I know it is cumbersome but your DS would prefer you to collect him wouldn't he"
And then I would get there early in future.

YANBU - she is taking this arrangement for granted

Original poster
LEMAGAIN · 30/03/2009 10:23

no playground anxiety - she is fine with it, believe me! I know its awkward getting child in and out of car, and its tight timing, but its not like she has a doctors appointment etc. Can she not just cut her swim short by five minutes???

Ive told her no - i feel bad, i just hate the way she always puts me on the spot. I have to go out of my way - its not by much, but i'm just thinking if she is wanting me to pick him up cos she is going to be late then i will just end up waiting at the end of the road - im quite stressed (no VERY stressed today and have lots of shit going on and i just can't deal with someone elses child today)

She has just text me back saying, no problem i shouldnt have asked, well no she shouldnt but now i feel bad

OP posts:
Original poster
LEMAGAIN · 30/03/2009 10:26

Trillian, if it were a one off i honestly wouldn't mind but its not, its quite often i find myself doing this. I DO suffer from anxiety am coming off meds right now, have had major crisis after major crisis to deal with this weekend and i feel frazzled. She once didn't tell me that someone else had been roped in to take her child to school (because she was on holiday in paris!!!) so i waited at the end of the road - would have been late with my DD only i saw the boy go past in someone elses car .

OP posts:
Wizzska · 30/03/2009 10:27

If it was no big deal then she would do it herself. Having two kids is her problem, thousands of mums and dads manage every day and it sounds it is about time she learned to cope too. She sounds like one of those user types.

[harsh but fair emoticon]

VinegarTitsTheVirginNun · 30/03/2009 10:28

Dont feel bad about it, she really is taking the piss and now she is throwing a guilt trip on you by saying 'i shouldnt have asked' well no, she fooking shouldnt, she should manage her time better and get out the effing car, people like this annoy me, its not like shes late for work or owt?!

cilitbang · 30/03/2009 10:28

Well done Lemagain sounds like you got out of that one nicely, don't feel bad.

TrillianAstra · 30/03/2009 10:31

Don't worry about it. She asked you to do somehting, it wasn't convenient for you to do it, so you said no. Perfectly reasonable conversation (on your side at least).

'I shouldn't have asked' does sound a little like an invitation for you to say 'oh, no, ask any time, it's just that today....'. Well done for not falling for that

swanriver · 30/03/2009 10:33

She probably does not realise it inconveniences you in the slightest. People with two dcs often think those with one have time on their hands.
agree with Blinks and Pagwatch.
If situation continues you will not be able to help her (being too fed up) when she really needs your help.

I had this with Beavers, constantly taking the dcs of someelse home because I was there helping and available, and I don't think until I articulated (after 6 months) that it was in fact stressful for me to ALWAYS take 2 other kids home with me, wrestle with seatbelts, drop off, as well as my own that mothers in question made an effort to do some of pickups. And then I had no problem dropping off the others half the time.

swanriver · 30/03/2009 10:38

Don't be like me, and tie yourself in knots about whether you are being unreasonable or not. You don't want to do it so don't, you don't have to give your reasons. If she is so desperate she will find someone else to help her.

pagwatch · 30/03/2009 10:43

LEMAGAIN
I think you handled it very well and I also think that when we are struggling it is very easy to feel guilty about every little thing.

Do you know , your DD does deserve to have you pick her up and get all your attention. And so does her son TBH.
Of course sometimes we can't and sometimes it is nice to leave with another child. But sitting in the car with the baby is just her taking the easy option.

You should be pleased with yourself and not feel at all guilty. Feeling obliged to help other people is a sign that we are not valuing ourselves. Helping when we can and when we choose to is the thing thats nice

Thrifty · 30/03/2009 11:14

Oh, sorry, she sits in the car?

Thrifty · 30/03/2009 11:19

God, i'm so far behind the curve today. Well done for saying no. Maybe she won't ask you again. :-)

MANATEEequineOHARA · 30/03/2009 11:35

I think you should ignore her attempts to mae you feel bad! Stupid cow should collect her son herself, why does she think she needs extra help!?