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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

that my grown-up sister didn't turn up to my DS's first birthday?

25 replies

PurlyQueen · 29/03/2009 21:19

We had a big family meal for my son's first birthday. My 30-year-old sister, who is normally lovely, didn't come because she says she had a 'splitting headache'.

However, my mum told me that my sis came home from a night out at 9am, so I'm sure this headache was hangover-related.

I'm really disappointed that she didn't make the effort to attend her nephew's first birthday party.

AIBU?

OP posts:

yama · 29/03/2009 21:21

If she is normally lovely then I would forgive.

aGalChangedHerName · 29/03/2009 21:21

Erm yes a bit. He won't care who was there will he?

Does your sister have dc? If not then she probably won't realise that you would be upset about her not being there.

wannaBe · 29/03/2009 21:22

Yabu

First birthdays are for the adults, your ds will have no idea she wasn't there.

Original poster

PurlyQueen · 29/03/2009 21:22

Yeah - but I feel a bit sad that she won't be in any of the photos and he always looks forward to seeing her.

OP posts:

sameagain · 29/03/2009 21:23

I was very upset when my sister didn't attend DS's birthday, but I now realise I was being very PFB. She now has her own children and TBH I don't always want to go to the events she organises for them, so I'm v. glad I didn't make a fuss about DS1's birthday.

So, YANBU to be upset, but you need to let it go or it will come back and bite you.

wannaBe · 29/03/2009 21:23

"he always looks forward to seeing her."

Try harder.

herbietea · 29/03/2009 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ScottishMummy · 29/03/2009 21:25

given that she is usually so good,let her off.but do tell her you were disapointed
it wasnt malicious act,just severe hangover.

Original poster

PurlyQueen · 29/03/2009 21:25

what do you mean, try harder? - His face does light up when he sees his auntie. What's wrong with that?

OP posts:

Original poster

PurlyQueen · 29/03/2009 21:27

She was v apologetic on the phone, so I did let her off.

But I do think that people should make the effort to be there for family occasions - especially when they've said that they will attend.

OP posts:

traceybath · 29/03/2009 21:29

YABU.

He won't even have realised its his birthday and you say she's normally good. To be honest a first birthday isn't that big a deal to someone who doesn't have children or even to some of us who do have children

Alambil · 29/03/2009 21:30

I think it's the fact that a 1yr old baby can't "look forward" in anticipation to seeing an auntie....

Yes, his face will light up when he DOES see her, but he can't get excited at the anticipation

I think yabu - he won't care.... he won't care who was or wasn't there OR about the photos.

Next year, perhaps - but not this year.

onadietcokebreak · 29/03/2009 21:30

I would be annoyed, she knew she had a family occassion so could have come home earlier from night out!

ellingwoman · 29/03/2009 21:30

You just sound annoyed the headache was due to a hangover. Blimey, if I'd got in at 9am after a heavy session the thought of actually eating ever again would have me throwing up all day. I think you should be pleased she didn't come. In fact I think she was being very unselfish

traceybath · 29/03/2009 21:30

But Purly - if she was ill or hungover i think thats fair enough. Golly back in the days when i got hangovers i'd have been unable to get out of bed . . .

TooMessyForMinimalism · 29/03/2009 21:31

LOL you are being 100% pfb about this but we've all been there! Just look back and remember this post when you have another child

ScottishMummy · 29/03/2009 21:35

of course a 1yo looks forward to seeing familiar loved face (mum/dad/aunt)

PurlyQueen - yes well done for accepting apology

Original poster

PurlyQueen · 29/03/2009 21:37

Yeah - maybe AIBU but I'm a big girl - I can take the criticism .

I've done a few all-nighters (in my child-free days) AND made it to important events such as big family parties etc because I'd made a promise to be there.

I just collapsed in bed later when I got home.

OP posts:

wannaBe · 29/03/2009 21:40

but let's be honest - family occasions are boring.

Earlybird · 29/03/2009 21:44

Purley - understand you feel disappointed, but don't obsess and let it cast a shadow over what must have been a lovely gathering.

Original poster

PurlyQueen · 29/03/2009 21:46

I'm fine - life's too short for such dramas, and as I said, she's normally a great aunty.

My son is in bed, everything's cleared up in the kitchen and I'm sitting here with a glass of red wine and a plate of leftovers

OP posts:

ScottishMummy · 29/03/2009 21:49

was it a nice wee do.personally 1st birthday is always for the parents.kind of pat on the back for sort of getting there

Original poster

PurlyQueen · 29/03/2009 21:54

Too true, ScottishMummy!

It was a lovely day - everyone had a great time, left with a full stomach and smiles on their faces.

OP posts:

mumeeee · 29/03/2009 21:59

YABU, She had a splitting headache so probably would have ben a bit of a misery at the party. She did apolagise. Your DS is only one so he won't notice that she didn't turn up for his party,he won't even notive he is having a party.

ChippingIn · 30/03/2009 00:37

Glass of wine and leftovers - YUM

YANBU (nor PFB - over used term around here!!) she said she'd be there, she's old enough not to get in such a state she can't be somewhere she's supposed to be the next day!!

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