Am I being unreasonable by not giving the extended family my scan dates & pregnancy appointment news?

[Gentle]

I'm in my 3rd pregnancy, have a daughter in primary school and also a late miscarriage a few years back.

I have quite an overbearing, fuzzy-boundary extended family who get very upset when they're not included in news of every antenatal appointment.

My 20 week scan is coming up and everyone's quizzing me about "when are we going to know the baby's sex then?"

Frankly, I am sick to death of talking about pregnancy, hearing pregnancy advice and stories about "Oh, I had something a bit like that."

I know for many people this constitutes caring behaviour, but it really gets my goat and I'm a big enough girl now to just tell everyone to let me give any news in my own time.

Am I being a grumpy old antisocial fart though?

Simplysally you must have been so upset/angry!!

Gentle - sorry, didn't mean to sound so patronising/glib. Obviously there is more to all of this (another several million examples that you have waiting in the wing). I'm sorry it's not just a case of them being too over-loving. Mine too would do the same things and be camped out in the waiting room, and it would drive me insane, but in their defence I would know it was because they loved me and were too excited to be anywhere else!! It doesn't mean I like it, just that I am now able to see it for what it is... I thought it was the same in your case, but seemingly not.

I hope you find a way to deal with this

(very unmumsnetty Hugx)

I agree with Ineedmorechocolatenow - be as vague as possible. My MIL is always trying to but in with "shall I come to babysit whilst you're at your scan..." Just by luck I'm quite disorganised so often end up swapping appointments around. So when my MIL is all keyed up for (let's say) Thursday - I can then retort with, " Oh I had to move that appointment to (let's say) a week on Tuesday" etc etc.

I didn't initially employ it as a tactic, but have come across it inadvertantly and it throws them off the scent every time.

Hey ChippingIn no worries whatsoever, I was pleased to see your post as I actively wanted both sides.

Gentle - I think family and their expectations and demands is one of the most difficult things to cope with.

I now deliberately keep things from my family that I would love to tell them because they just don't help. In fact they make the situation much more complicated.

My in-laws are frantically over-interested (the camping out during labour type - similar to yours) and my own family are completely disinterested ("oh yes I think you did mention you were pregnant with twins, how's it going?")

For different reasons - both sides are equally impossible to cope with.