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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect MIL to watch daughter

19 replies

busterk · 28/03/2009 20:19

Most of my DH family work abroad or in London(we are in glasgow) I sometimes need MIL to babysit DD. However whenever anyone is home I can't ask MIL because her sons are coming home. My family do the majority of babysitting. This really bugs me AIBU?

OP posts:
compo · 28/03/2009 20:20

do you mean grown up sons?

Thunderduck · 28/03/2009 20:21

I don't think having the grandparents babysit is an entitlement. It's nice if they do of course, and there's no harm in asking but expecting is rather different.

Doodle2U · 28/03/2009 20:21

Erm....you mean when any of her sons travel home to spend time with their mother, she says 'no' to babysitting for you?

So how often does that happen and what happens when you ask her when she's free?

Lulumama · 28/03/2009 20:23

she wants to spend time with her sons, whom i presume she does not see that much, so YABU to expect her to spend the evening sitting for your children, when her own sons are home

why not join sitters, it's a baby sitting agency, and then you won;t have to rely on family all teh time

traceybath · 28/03/2009 20:24

Do what a lot of us do - pay for a babysitter.

andlipsticktoo · 28/03/2009 20:24

You are lucky to have any family to do the vbabysitting, we have to pay min of £30 for an evening as we have no family near rto rely on!

andlipsticktoo · 28/03/2009 20:25

sorry new keyboard....

BradfordMum · 28/03/2009 20:27

I hope that when you 'need' her to babysit, you actually ask her nicely,and not just presume it's your right.

Maybe she dislikes the way you just expect her to babysit.

Original poster
busterk · 28/03/2009 20:29

Grown up sons. I don't expect grandparents to watch DD. MIL only watches daughter about once in every 6 weeks. Just when i get stuck sometimes for babysitters (for me to go to work)and I know someone is coming home I don't bother asking MIL because I can't be bothered with the sighing. Maybe IABU due to other issues.

OP posts:
ben5 · 28/03/2009 20:31

we don't relay on our parnets for babysitting but take it in turns with our neighbours. that way the kids know who are looking after them. they know we wont spoil the the kids and the kids know whos boss. the advantge of being in the forces. we live in each others pockets and we love it. would be great to have to have parents help but we can't always think that parents are around.

Original poster
busterk · 28/03/2009 20:38

Maybe I came across wrong on my OP. I very rarely ask PIL to watch DD. And when I do it is if my DH or myself have to go to work and are really stuck. I really appreciate all the help i get from all family.I just can't understand why when anyone is home its as if nobody else is allowed near.

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 28/03/2009 20:47

It is nice if family want to babysit but not something you should expect as a right.

ben5 · 28/03/2009 20:54

my mil has babysat for us twice in the last 5.5 years. once for ds1 when we went to the queens garden party and once for a couple of days for ds1 when we were with ds2 when we were in hospital with him(ds2).she's never babysat for both of them. yet she is in her early 60's hasn't woked for years. she just finds themto much hard work and will not look after them.

Original poster
busterk · 28/03/2009 20:58

I am prob just a bit fed up. PIL never phone to see how DD is. Never come to our house but when it comes to things like birthdays and christmas they make a big show and I don't care about things like that i would rather have a phone call.

Im just having a rant and the babysitting set me off, more angry about lack of contact

OP posts:
2rebecca · 28/03/2009 21:51

To me it seems natural that parents are more interested in seeing their children, especially children who live far away, than grandchildren. If they babysit whilst their sons are visiting it's like them going out for the evening. Different if you're offering to drop the kids round at their house (assuming there is room for everyone) but I would never ask anyone, family or not to babysit if they have guests round. Their sons are their guests. i think you're being selfish here and need to sort out a paid babysitter, the same as those of us without local family.
I'm not sure my parents ever really phoned to see how my kids are. They phone to chat to me, and we discuss the children. but generally they're as interested in what I've been up to and phone for an adult chat. We usually take it in turns to phone though. Does your husband phone them half the time to see how they are doing or just expect them to always phone him?
Why are you so bothered about phone calls from your inlaws? If my inlaws phone I'm usually keen to pass the phone to my husband asap. I'm not rude to them, it just seems strange you're that bothered when you haven't mentioned your husbands views.

violethill · 28/03/2009 21:54

You say you get stuck looking for a babysitter to enable you to work.

YABU. It's not fair to your DD quite apart from anything else to rely on babysitters doing you a favour for this. Pay for proper organised childcare.

choochoochaboogie · 28/03/2009 21:56

my MIL NEVER looks after my DC - too busy looking after SIL's DC - grrr
(my parents dead btw)

Original poster
busterk · 28/03/2009 23:39

OK IABU. I was not talking about everytime family are home. And i only work part time so majority of time DH is about it is not as if DD is farmed out.
but answers have made me realise maybe i am being a bit unreasonable.

OP posts:
lockets · 28/03/2009 23:44

This reply has been deleted

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