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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How much should i let my ex see the kids??

13 replies

sallyh2000 · 28/03/2009 12:10

I have split with the kids dad and i just want to know how much to let him see the kids?
The split is amicable, he has gone back to his mothers.

He works five days a week, he doesn't pay towards their upbringing regularly, it very hit and miss.it does depend on when he gets paid,and then he doesnt give any extra.

I wanted him to have the kids to stay every weekend, to give me a break, but he says it's too much! AIBU? He does come round once a week to have tea with them and put them to bed.

what do others do??
what is the norm??

OP posts:

EllieG · 28/03/2009 12:14

I sort out contact arrangements a lot in court. I can see his point about weekends in that it means he never gets a weekend off. What about every other weekend but one or two overnights in the week too?

anastaisia · 28/03/2009 12:47

I think you'd get a better response on the lone parents' section.

Its not unreasonable that you want to have break and let the kids see their dad on a very regular basis.

Every weekend might not be the best and most sustainabvle way to do it though.

RumourOfAHurricane · 28/03/2009 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

HappyMummyOfOne · 28/03/2009 12:59

I think every weekend is too much too, especially if he works all week. Added to that you'd only see the children for the few hours after school each day.

Every other weekend and a night in the week would be more shared.

tessofthedurbervilles · 28/03/2009 13:03

Every weekend would mean you would not get to do fun weekend stuff. A lot of people do every other but on the other weekend have the kids for tea mid week to break up the gap...

littlerach · 28/03/2009 13:05

Dh visits his other 2 every other weekend (they are teenagers) but they live 80 miles away.

When they were younger they used to come and stay every other weekend.

Dh also goes to see them mid week if they are in a school event, or are ill etc.

Tillyscoutsmum · 28/03/2009 13:07

We have dsd every other weekend (from Friday night to Monday morning) and every Tuesday overnight

onadietcokebreak · 28/03/2009 13:12

Every weekend is too much. You will miss out on the fun stuff and he will never get a break. How about every other weekend and from 1pm on Sunday on the weekends he doesnt have them stay? Then you will get a break every weekend for a few hours.

Maybe he could have them for tea one night in the week?

Regular set times are better than ever changing arrangements.

My DS stay with his dad every Sunday 10am - Monday 530pm. He also has him from 630pm every other Saturday overnight.

My DS is 18mths though and this will prob change when he goes to School

ZZZen · 28/03/2009 13:15

atm if he is staying with his mum and doesn't have his own home it might not be all up to him whether they come and stay every weekend IYSWIM

I think coming to tea at your place once a week gives you no break at all and is not enough for him to maintain a strong fatherly relationship with his dc. How old are they?

2rebecca · 28/03/2009 15:23

Seeing the kids at least every other weekend. I suspect if you get an arrangement when he sees the kids every weekend then when they are at school and older playing with friends after school you will regret it as you have the nagging them to get ready on a morning and do homework bit whilst he has the relaxed weekends bit. If he has them every other weekend then 1 evening after school during the week as well would seem good so they don't have a long gap before seeing him again. Just seeing them at your house seems a bit weird, esp if you meet a new bloke, but could work shortterm. I have a friend whose husband lives an hour away so sees the kids after school at her house once a week and does homework with them whilst she has an evening doing nonkid stuff. An odd arrangement but it works for them.

BCNS · 28/03/2009 15:32

we do every other weekend and half of school hols each.. if he lived closer I'd go for a mid week thing too.

gives you both a break and time for some social.

Original poster

sallyh2000 · 28/03/2009 15:57

My youngest is two in a fortnight and my lad is four.
His mums is about 5 miles away, so not that far. He doesn't contribute because he does not get paid regularly, he is self employed. When he does it is only for that week, never for any he missed. He does not buy, the kids , shoes, school uniform, birthday/chrissie pressies etc, i cover everything and i let the kids think that the pressies are from both of us.

I do not work, as my youngest has special needs and although not severe, she still has a lot of input from other specialists and frequent hosp appts.
My eldest is 4 and he goes to nursery for 2.5 hrs every morn, so no , i don't miss out on much because they are always with me.

OP posts:

Joelysma · 28/03/2009 17:52

Bear in mind though that as he is 4 your ds will be at school fairly soon then you will only see him before and after each week day. You might like to have that nice relaxed time every other weekend with him, and him with you. This might be tricky if you've put in place different arrangements

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