To be increasingly uneasy

[obdong]

I returned to work after a baby and worked with a new colleague.

To begin with it was all roses. Then slowly her behaviour towards me became increasingly distant and unfriendly.

Then another colleague asked me if I knew what she had been saying about my competency to several other people.

Next outside of work she befriended a close but newish friend of mine, and the surrounding group of friends. She has increasingly become close with them quite quickly. I have said nothing to my friends about this.

She lied at work about something she had done, yet implied it was me. I spoke up and defended my position and it was made clear who caused the difficulty.

I don't trust and feel very uneasy around this person, but do not know how to deal with what is happening. I am thinking about changing my job to get away from this, but love my job.

I would raise it with your line manager so they have an idea about how you are feeling, you are right to trust your instincts but you shouldn't have to move because of it

your job is a great part of your day and if you love it then don't be driven away - if it were me i would take her to one side, tell her that she ought to watch who she is saying things to - as you have some very close friends in the organisation who are reporting it back. make it clear that you aren't going anywhere and you aren't to be messed with

i think confrontation is the onyl way - of course she will deny it but she will know you know - and she won't know who is reporting it back. i would imly something by saying "becareful, those who you think are your good friends, might not be" smile and walk away - and let her get paranoid over it.

Thanks for the reply. I raised it with my line manager after the first major incident, but it was not shared with senior levels of management. Then after the second major event I quietly went further to the next level of management, but this has had no impact on the situation.

Custardo, I think confrontation may be a way forward, if I can pull myself together enough to this without guilt or regret. i am generally a happy laid back person. My husband recently said that by being pleasant to everyone doesn't mean they will reciprocate.

i swear by it as a method - i hate with a passion office gossip and undertones and i am fortunate that i haven't experienced it in quite the same way as you have, but i have been in a couple of 'he said' 'she said' kind of situations and i asked for them both to sit down around a table with me to discuss it. its amazing how their arses fall out when they are facing you.

I agree with Custardo - confront her. YANBU - trust your instincts. Find the strength to challenge her on every 'off' comment she tries.

I've noticed that bullies tend to 'test' you with subtle behaviour first, so question anything that seems out of order, preferably whilst there are others around. They tend to operate within a code of silence as well - if everyone is talking to each other then they can't get away with spreading lies. Sorry you're having to deal with this - you will come through it stronger and wiser

People behave like this because they are crap at their job IME. It's not a nice situ to be in though.

I agree, confront her, you will feel better for it.

There is no need to go into great detail just say what custardo said and leave her to mull that over for abit.

Good luck.