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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think DH should have given some thought to the Easter hols?

44 replies

BEAUTlFUL · 26/03/2009 21:14

I genuinely don't know - so feel free to judge, or not!

DH has a seasonal job, so tends to be busier in the spring and summer than the rest of the year.

We are going away twice this year - once to house-sit while DH's brother gets married, and once in late august to stay with DH's friends in France.

But the Easter holidays are coming up... And DH is working. So I have to arrange entertainment for DS1 (5) and DS2 (1) for 2 weeks.

Do you all do this quite happily, or are your DH's all desperate to spend time with you when school holidays come around? It feels like all DH does is work while I do everything else. And both our holidays are with his friends or family.

AIBU to want DH to give some thought to school holidays, and the fact that I'll be stuck with two kids for 2 weeks, or should I be grateful he is hardworking and sort out fun things to do myself?

OP posts:
BlueCowWondersWhenItsChocTime · 26/03/2009 21:18

my dh takes extra time off each year. Sometimes we go away; others we just stay at home. But I don't expect it, and would be just as happy if he were at work. Quite nice not to have to get dc up for school etc, and we always manage to find some stuff to do. So maybe you are a bit U?

GypsyMoth · 26/03/2009 21:18

Easter hold! Well I don't see why you have to provide entertainment all the time. Just chill out, relax......let them just play some days. I'm a lone parent with 5 DC and no family nearby. And I have no help whatsoever . I just get on with it.

surrofab · 26/03/2009 21:20

I look forward to teh hal-term hols with the kids and find it strange that you are dreading the thoguht of entertaining your own children..
hmm
Your husband is out earning money to pay for the holidays you have coming up,regardless of where they are,i do feel you should be grateful to him for this at the very least.

surrofab · 26/03/2009 21:21

*the half-term

awful spelling on my part there

Thunderduck · 26/03/2009 21:23

And presumably her dh should be equally grateful that she's taking care of the childcare arrangements?

And there's nothing wrong with dreading having to find things for them to do. It doesn't make you a superior mother because you enjoy it.

cat64 · 26/03/2009 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
BEAUTlFUL · 26/03/2009 21:26

It's difficult though as they are such different ages that they don't play together, and the things that interest DS1 - Legoland, farms, castles etc - will leave DS2 cold. I don't know what to do with them both, for 2 weeks.

I was thinking of going away with my boys, a GF and her son for a couple of nights. Somewhere vvVVvv cheap. But I just wish DH was longing to come with us.

I probably just need to slap myself and get on with it. I seem to have gone really needy lately. I don't know what's wrong with me.

OP posts:
Haribosmummy · 26/03/2009 21:27

Unless your DH is purposefully shunning time off with you and the kids, then I think you shouldn't get too upset.

It's a difficult time for everyone right now - most companies are at the very least, threatening redundancies and lots of people are making sure they are SEEN to be there et etc.

I agree with Surrofab more than Thunderduck though... I am at home with DS while DH works. I do 100% of childcare - regardless of whether he is working or not as he regards weekends as 'his' time off. I just get on with it. It's my job. The hours are shit and the pay is shit but I wouldn't swap raising my kids for anything.

surrofab · 26/03/2009 21:28

Lol,never said it did,just find it strange is all
Opinions were asked for, so have been given.
But as OP stated at the beginning of the thread,her dh's busiest time is spring,so how can he put more time aside if that is when he is doing the most work?

Notquitegrownup · 26/03/2009 21:29

It depends on you and your kids. I used to be so sad but I dreaded holidays too. Without our usual activities to structure the week around (and no family within easy travelling distance) I found it really hard to keep two very energetic little boys occupied - particularly in bad weather. Totally respect folks like you, Blue Cow. We struggled to have play hours, let alone play days. They just didn't play as littlies. I have to say that now they are 5 and 8 they, and I, have changed completely and I love holidays with them.

So when they were little I really hoped that my dh would take time off in school hols, but he rarely could, and we just muddled through. Hope that you find some way of having fun together.

Original poster
BEAUTlFUL · 26/03/2009 21:29

cat64 - I work from home, in theory, but it's very hard at the moment as DS2 sleeps for only 1.5 hours a day.

Might go and stay with my parents for a few days. Nice, but hardly "woohoo!" happening.

I feel lonely. I'm married - how can I feel lonely?

OP posts:
zanz1bar · 26/03/2009 21:30

I don't think my dh has even realized easter holidays are coming.
And he works from home, so he will notice the extra noise ... i presume.
But no compromise can be easily made during a normal working week just because the school is shut.

Thunderduck · 26/03/2009 21:30

I'm not siding with the OP here, it probably is difficult to get time off then. But I'm just a little annoyed at the suggestion that the op should naturally be delighted at the prospect of 2 weeks with most likely bored, grumpy children.

It doesn't mean she loves them any less if she's dreading it a little.

Notquitegrownup · 26/03/2009 21:31

Sorry, that was IloveTiffany who gets the respect, being so chilled with 5 kids!

clayre · 26/03/2009 21:31

my dp has is getting transferred and will be staying away from home for the easter hols

I dont really mind thou cos im used to it!

surrofab · 26/03/2009 21:32

I think it would be nice for you and the kiddies to go with your GF for a break away,it sounds like something you need.It will do you good as well as seeing the kids have a laugh with your GF son.
x

Litchick · 26/03/2009 21:32

DH saves all his leave for holidays away, both with the DCs or just me.
It is very rare that he's about when we're just hanging in the school hols. I don't mind - he works hard and you can't criticise that.

Louannie · 26/03/2009 21:33

I know how you feel - before I went back to work I used to dread the school holidays as the days seemed so long and unstructured. They were never as bad as I thought though!

SerendipitousHarlot · 26/03/2009 21:34

Ha it's very easy to feel lonely, sometimes especially when you're married.

I do think YAB a bit U - I'm WOHM and dh is SAHD - and I would get a bit annoyed if he was expecting me to take extra unpaid time off to help him in the holidays. It's not like he's not taking any family holiday time.

surrofab · 26/03/2009 21:35

Cor blimey Thunder,i did not insinuate that OP doesn't love her children.
x

Original poster
BEAUTlFUL · 26/03/2009 21:38

You're all so lovely.

I think I'm finding it hard to realise that it really is all my responsibility. We used to share childcare, but since DS2 arrived I really do do all of it, unless I'm working away from home.

I should feel grateful that DH is working, I know. I know. I always thought women who complained about workaholic DHs were just moaners, but I really empathise now!

OP posts:
Notquitegrownup · 26/03/2009 21:41

"I feel lonely. I'm married - how can I feel lonely?"

"I seem to have gone really needy lately. I don't know what's wrong with me"

I think that you have hit on the bigger issue here. The approaching holidays have just served to flag it up for you. But be gentle with yourself. You have a 5 year old and a 1 year old, and it can be tough going! Playing with lego, hanging out in the park, making papier mache mountains or baking cupcakes are fun, but they don't necessarily fulfill you emotionally - or leave much energy for an exciting life in the evenings. OK some people find it easy, but much as I love being a parent, I would say that the first few years were the hardest, most exhausting, most isolating job in the world - sleep deprivation, childhood illnesses, lack of control over your own life, adjusting to loss of career status and social life, and loss of most of friends, whose kids were all of a different age to mine - were hugely difficult, and left little energy for married life. But there are things that you can do to boost yourself and to make it easier, honest . . .

Original poster
BEAUTlFUL · 26/03/2009 21:41

Louannie - you're right, the holidays are never awful. I do like spending time with the boys. Sometimes I'm surprised by how much I do enjoy it!

I do need to slap myself. I'm just annoyed that these holidays are fast approaching and DH gives them no thought nor mention.

OP posts:
Louannie · 26/03/2009 21:45

Why don't you get him to look after the kids for a few hours at the weekend and spend some time doing something that you enjoy, by yourself as with some friends. You may not be doing either of you any favours if you do 100% of the childcare. Its easy to think that you are being selfish or that the children will miss you but in actual fact you need to look after yourself and stay well - physically and mentally. When you get back they will have missed you and you will feel refreshed and needed!

Original poster
BEAUTlFUL · 26/03/2009 21:45

Notquitegrownup,

"But there are things that you can do to boost yourself and to make it easier, honest . . . "

Oooh, what? What?? I feel exactly like you describe! How can I snap out of it? I want to be a good "partner" to DH and get on with stuff while he's working, not be this needy "What about meeee?" drain.

I want to have the motivation to plan fun stuff for the holidays without always thinking what DH would think of the idea. I want to be self-sufficient, not this clingey mess.

OP posts:
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