To expect parents to teach their toddlers that hitting, kicking and shoving isn't nice

[flockwallpaper]

Think I need advice as to how to handle this as much as whether IABU.

This toddler kicks, hits and shoves kids that are smaller than herself, including my DS given half the chance. I work in a creche as a volunteer and I dread it when her mother brings her in as I know that myself and the other volunteers will spend much of the session trying to protect the youngest one present as they seem to be the focus of her aggression. We do make a point of giving her praise and attention when she is playing nicely, but the bad behaviour cannot be ignored as we cannot allow her to hurt other peoples' children. If she manages to hit, kick or shove another child, we focus the attention on comforting the child that was attacked.

Her mother has watched her DD hitting other kids, and once shoving then jumping on top of a child causing him to bang his head badly on a hard floor, but she never reprimands her in any way or apologises. I have heard her say, 'Oh it was just an accident'when it wasn't, although to be fair, this child's behaviour is even more agressive when her mum isn't in the room. If my DS does anything like that to another child, I make it clear to him that behavior like that is not acceptable, and I usually apologise to the child's parent or carer.

I tentatively raised the issue with the child's mum and she acknowledged that her DD had ' a bit of a problem with hitting at the moment, but it is just a phase' and she didn't want to discuss it further.

I don't want to bar this child from the creche, as she is basically a sweet kid that needs some discipline, but some of the creche volunteers are fed up, and I think some of the other parents would be too if they knew. And I don't want other kids to dread coming to the creche because of her - we try so hard to make it a nice experience for them.

So how can I get through to her mum? I feel as though I'm running out of options.

Are you the creche manager? I think you might end up in a spot of bother if this child does some real damage to another one while in your care.

If the girl's mother is uncooperative then I don't see that you have much choice but to ban her, or at least suspend her until she is out of her hitting "phase" (). One of my cousins was suspended from his playgroup for punching another child (I think they were 3)

I suppose it is not allowed to video the children these days - or you could take a video of how aggressive the child really is and show it to the mother so she can see the problem more clearly.

I think you're being more than reasonable, and agree with thumbwitch's post.

Maybe she'll take it more seriously if she realised that it might mean her little girl would not be able to attend. The only thing I could think to suggest is that you say something along the lines of being really keen to keep her DS in the creche but staff and other kids find her 'hitting phase' a bit too much to deal with and you'd like to work with mum to make sure she can continue to attend.

Agree behaviour needs to be tackled. You or creche manager or a key worker need to have a honest chat with mum, she needs to be aware of the consequences of her DD's behaviour, even if it is just a phase (and nine times out of ten it usually is!!)
Tell mum you could work together, maybe using a star or sticker chart - always focussing on the positive behaviour and rewarding it immediately - as you said in your post you are trying to praise her when she is being good.
good luck

I had a chat about it today with the woman that runs the creche and explained what my concerns were. She didn't say so as such but from the way she reacted I had the impression that someone else had also said something. She agreed to talk to the girl's mum and see if they can come up with a plan to tackle it together. The star chart could be a tool to use, good suggestion. I suppose suspending her would still be an option if it doesn't work out.

Thanks for listening and for the advice

agree with clure - the manager needs to have a chat with mum and agree a plan of action.

My DS1 was a hitter and took ages to stop but I tried very hard and always apologised. Also you need to do the same plan as the mum (or more likely her you) as cm and I had some different techniques and we had to compromise otherwise it didnt work.