to let my 14yo DD stay at home and have friends round?

[MrVibrating]

I suppose this is more am I being reasonable really...

This weekend is the first of the school holidays for DD1, and she has made plans to go out with her friends (taken by a parent) on Saturday. She also wants to have 2 friends over on Sunday to watch all the Harry Potter films on DVD.

For reasons I won't go into now, the rest of the family are going away for the weekend; we want DD1 to come too, but she wants to stay and go ahead with her plans. After talking this through calmly with her (yes, really!), I am inclined to trust her (what am I saying?) to stay at home on her own, and (with their parents' permissions) have her friends round.

How likely am I to come home Sunday night to find the house full of teenagers emptying the wine cellar/spirits cabinet, with Alien Teen Slayers III (which is not, as far as I am aware, part of the Rowling oeuvre) on the DVD?

Am I being reasonable in rewarding a generally sensible teenager with some independence, or am I actually insane?

Does your 14 year old have a boyfriend or are you being hypothetical?

My parents thought I was a sensible and straightlaced 17YO and were quite happy for me to have my equally charming boyfriend round for the evening, so I could cook him dinner while they went out with friends.

They weren't quite so impressed (and Mum was actually completely shocked!) when they found at a later date what we'd been getting up to that evening.

Now, I'm going back 16 years, but given how much sooner kids seem to grow up these days...

That said of course, if you're not there she may invite a boyfriend round and you'd be none the wiser anyway.

I stayed overnight at home alone at the age of 14, and at 15 I was allowed to stay home alone with my boyfriend overnight.

Nothing dramatic ever happened. It depends on the individual teenager. I looked after my younger brother and sister alone from the age of 10, so was probably a bit more mature than the average 14 year old (although it's all relative at that age )

MrVibrating
I don't think you sound smug but I do think you sound a little out of touch.
My Ds1 is 15 and i would trust him and his friends. he is reliable and responsible. I don't think it is actually that unreasonable.
i think the world tends to focus on tales of teenage irresponsibility when the vast majority are fine young people.

But I think it is a parents responsibility to stand between a teenager and unreasonable and unforseen temptating. Whatthey cannot easily do is see the consequences of their actions as clearly as adults and that is where problems could arise.
i trust my son but would not leave him on his own for a substantial period of time - especially withthe OK to have friends around. Because as others have said these events can snow ball and placing him in the position of having to try and prevent possibly older teenagers or a group of less trusted peers coming along too is just not fair on him.

So I think trusting your child is reasonable and not actually terribly unusual. But I think allowing that trust to tip into a burden of responsibility that a teenager may deisre but may be unable to manage is just foolhardy

I suppose it depends on the maturity of your DD But I would be weary to live my dd alone overnight at 14yo.

malovitt story! That poor girl must have been so worried! thanks God for neighbours/friends like yourself!

and on the subject of boyfriend staying overnight or her staying at boyfriends overnight............NO

OK, the boyfriend question was hypothetical, on many levels .

The weekend passed without incident.

As to being out of touch, DD1 says "you're all mental".

I'm looking forward to sharing my next dilemma!

Definately not. If anything happened, fire, accident, burgalry etc she would need you and wouldn't know how to deal with it. She should not be left home for a weekend alone.

hypothetically how do you know it went without incident. The results of a drunken nights fumblings, under the influence, might not be seen for the short term and wouldn't cause a trashed house