To cringe at the way my mum talks about homosexuals?

[BatmansWilly]

My mum is very judgemental old fashioned but she pretends she isn't. One of her favourite sayings is:

"I don't have a problem with gay people, as long as they leave everyone else alone ... "

Or...

"I'm not against gay people at all! Like I've said ... lesbians, prostitues etc, they all have as much right to be here as normal people ... " argh!!!!! I CRINGE whenever she starts on about it. She really thinks she is being "cool" and non-judgemental by saying stuff like this.

I have said to her "mum, you can hardly class lesbians the same as prostitues!" so she replies "no no ... but you know what I mean, people 'like that' ... but I have no problem with them at all!"

So today she was telling me about her day with our extended family, she hasn't seen them for 30+ years. I asked "did you get on ok with everyone?"

First thing she said was:

"Well ... you know Sue's kids ... two are lesbians and one is a queer? "

so I'm like "yes" through gritted teeth ...

so she replies

"Well ... they were really nice!!! in fact, sometimes I think those types are nicer than normal people ... " ffs

It really winds me up! anyone else got a "non-judgemental" parent like this?

PMSL sorry

My gran is similarish - she had a gay couple living next door to her for a few years whom she always referred to as "the girls" (she did the quotation marks with her fingers) and was always on at my dad to take her to a gay club because she'd somehow got it into her head that they put on skits and it was all very amusing

Yes, my mum is very similar with regard to people not exactly the same as her.
One of her more recent classics:
'She's Protestant you know, but she's very nice.'
(You might need to be Irish to appreciate that fully. )

Oh yes, and at my wedding she took me aside and hissed in a thrilled stage whisper - Glencora, you didn't tell me that some of your friends were black.

Oh my mum does the colour thing too ...

"I have no problem with "coloured" people, I mean ... they can't help it, can they?"

God, I feel embarrassed just writing that lol

Ona positive note at least she acknowledges that gay people exist.

My Mum knows an old lady whose 50yr old daughter is obviously a lesbian who has lived with her partner for around 20years. My Mum always refers to her as "you know Sandra and her friend Jane that lodges with her".

She still hasn't acknowledged that my neighbours are lesbians either.

Ooh, can I put my hand up? My mum is awful like that - she's very religious and frequently tells me that they are all damned to hell, as will be those who tolerate it.

Why do mothers people often use the phrase 'I have nothing against gays I just cant stand it when they shove it down our throats' . It conjours up such alarming images. And they never seem to realise what they are saying.

Oh and that 'Gay used to be such a nice word' like anyone under the age of 80 has ever used to discribe something happy or cheery

My fil refers to Ho Mo Sex uals.

(emphasis where the capitals are). And he mutters a lot about them. (at the same time protesting a lot that it doesn't bother him)

PMSL at BatmansWilly mum

The neighbour of one of DS gay godfathers used to refer to him as a HOmosexuAAAAAAHL, before muttering about how they were alright in their place (wherever that was), but not in the military.
His missus pronounced Portakabin as Por-TA-KA-bin.
My mother, for all her other faults, is genuinely very accepting and somewhat ahead of her peer group, and i think, given half a chance would hit Canal St quite happily.
Ya can't win.

My mum's favourite is

"xxx's boyfriend xxxxx - how can he be a teacher when he's gay?"

Said in a genuinely confused and amazed voice that this would be allowed.

Thirtypence, that reminds me of the time my mum came to DS's nursery ...

My mum eyed one of the teachers suspitiously before saying "who IS that bloke over there??"

I replied "One of the nursery nurses!" so she gasped "a bloke???"

God help us.

Thirtypence - amazing.
A Texan chum of ours told me how a friend of her mother's was genuinely astonished at a black high school teacher.
Not offended, not outraged, but genuinely surprised. She really didn't think that "(the slightly less offensive original version of the N-word in plural) could be educated enough to teach other people".
There's no malice in this attitude/mindset, but I think it's harder to change it than someone with a bugbear or prejudice.

Oh yes my mum does this all the time. She's obsessed with people being..... gay or black then protests to the heavens that it is wonderful of course and not something she would have a problem with, never...

(This despite the fact that my sister is gay! - you'd think she would have got used to it!)

Once we went to a cafe with my mum and stepdad, and he looked pointed at another table and said, "Well, I wonder what the story is THERE!" We all looked and after a while realised that the remarkable scenario he had witnessed was that a black woman was having lunch with and chatting to a white woman. He was scandalised!

But if you ever dare to suggest that they might have a slightly racist/homophobic attitude, they'll fall over themselves to deny it.

Oh god - muffle.....that's hilarious.

popcorn anyone?

My father used to think that gay men were only that way because they couldn't get a woman.

My response about George Michael being every teenage girl's dreamboat fell on deaf ears.

And lesbians did not exist.

Was he queen victoria Nigella?! Didn't she refuse to make lesbianism illegal on the grounds that it couldn't be true or some such...

Aaah I had forgotten the word "dreamboat" - fantastic word...

My mum tagged along to a party thrown by my gay friend L and her girlfriend who was also called L.

Sensing many possible gaffes I explained the situation to my mum beforehand. She was very excited at the prospect of meeting such exotic creatures.

My mum spoke to both of them separately. She later hissed: 'So, which one's your friend then?'

I pointed out the blonde one.

'Oh,' said my mum. 'What a shame. She could get a man easily. She's got lovely hair. The other one, though, I can why she's one of them.'

My mum's not horrible. Just, you know...

My mum was very like this. My dad however, is a bit like that Catherine Tate character who is really, really chuffed that her son is 'a gay man, now'.

Which, on balance, is really, really much worse. You just never want to have your dad asking you what you think of 'the tits on that'.

i always think if someone feels the need to point out they don't have a problem, then they usually DO......

Bit like "No offence, but...insert offensive comment here...."

More seriously, my ex (ie an under 30 yr old) couldn't see why it was offensive to call teh local shop " the paki shop"

Pmsl KayHarker!

My Mum and the ils are the same as the op (and pretty much everyones else's) parents.

Must be a generational thing? Drives me nuts, especially as they think they are being 'cool'.

I had a terrible job explaining to my mum why 'coloured' is offensive. In the end I told her that I once heard PC described as politeness & courtesy - in other words, if someone else is offended by something, don't say it. Oddly, this worked. Haven't managed to stop her using the word 'handicapped' though. She says it's less offensive than disabled, and as my sister was disabled I've had to let it go.