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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect dh to show a bit more consideration?

11 replies

idontlikehaggis · 24/03/2009 18:04

Last week had to give up something I really really wanted to do so he could go to the football. He made no effort for Mothers Day I got a card from both ds's then he had a go at me for not doing something he had asked me to (can't even remember him asking me). Tonight I have something on and he has just phoned & said he's going to be late so I can't go. Just because i'm a sahm do I have to give up everything? I think he's being really unfair - what do you think?

OP posts:
slowreadingprogress · 24/03/2009 18:11

but you got a card from your kids on mother's day

that's what mothers day is, isn't it? You are not your dh's mother. I have read enough threads on here to know that there are very different 'camps' on mothers day and what partners should do but to me, I just don't get why you'd expect more than something from your kids.

yes very annoying about not being able to go to your thing tonight - why is he going to be late? Work or pleasure? I'd have his guts for garters if it's not work! If work, then maybe it's unavoidable?

I do sympathise either way though; when you're a SAHM you need your time out

solidgoldbrass · 24/03/2009 18:15

Does he generally expect you to give up your free time so he can have free time? Is this because he thinks that as he is the wage earner, he is 'entitled' to free time (and you are not because as a SAHM you 'don't work')? Or is it that he doesn't want you to leave the house and thinks that you are a domestic/childcare appliance and therefore should not ever think about anything else?

compo · 24/03/2009 18:17

I think we need more info before we can say if you are being unreasonable or not
ie what was the thing he asked you to do that you forgot?
Where were you going tonight that you've had to cancel? And is he being late because of work or because he's gone for a drink after work?

EdwardBear · 24/03/2009 18:19

I think the mothers day thing is irrelevant, unless you were hoping to do something for yourself in return for giving it up so he could go to football last week?
Him assuming that his plans are more important than yours and that he can over rule any plans you have made if something becomes available for him is out of order though.
You need to talk to him about that and make it clear that its not on!
If he wont listen, then let him make plans one weekend then make sure you leave half an hour before he is due to go out saying 'i'm just going out now, its my turn, cheerio' and that should make the point!

Original poster
idontlikehaggis · 24/03/2009 18:24

Am well aware I am not his mother but usually he takes the kids out to treat me - nothing major mind just a magazine or a bunch of daffs & also either he cooks or we go out. Was just surprised he didn't bother at all. He's working late tonight but I'm pissed off cos there are 4 other nights this week he could work late but he has chosen to do it tonight when I want to go out. Have only been a sahm for less than a year but more & more it seems that he thinks he deserves free time for being the breadwinner & I dont because I'm not working. I bought his Mum perfume for mother's day as he hadn't got her anything & he tried to pretend he'd bought it until ds told her as he was with me when I bought it. DH then said 'well technically i did buy it' obviously referring to me having no income

OP posts:
screamingabdab · 24/03/2009 18:24

You said it EdwardBear

Original poster
idontlikehaggis · 24/03/2009 18:27

Compo he asked me to pick up his new golf clubs which he had ordered. Tonight I was going to the agm of a group I belong to followed by a quiz night - being the agm it's only once a year!

OP posts:
Uriel · 24/03/2009 18:31

Is is possible for someone to babysit at short notice? Seems a shame to miss out.

Original poster
idontlikehaggis · 24/03/2009 18:34

Nope my ds has SN & can't be left with a babysitter only family & none of them can come tonight

OP posts:
solidgoldbrass · 24/03/2009 18:39

Yup, he's decided that he's the important one in your household and you are his servant. You need to nip this in the bud now because a household can only run fairly and happily if everyone in it gets time for their own pleasures and hobbies and interests.
OK maybe he had to work late tonight ie boss insisted, this does happen, but remind him that he owes you some free time as he took your turn for the football.

Original poster
idontlikehaggis · 25/03/2009 09:03

DH came in from work at 10 past midnight, woke me up & said sorry for being so mean & then he went to sleep & I lay awake for hours wondering what's going on

OP posts:
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