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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be so laid back about this?

19 replies

seeker · 23/03/2009 21:14

There is a boy in ds's year 3 class who has always had problems with "anger management" and explodes on a moderately regular basis. The school is dealing with it, and he is getting better, and between explosions he is a lovely boy - very knowledgeable about dinosaurs. The class are very tolerant of him, know when to steer clear and what his triggers are.

Ds came out today with a black eye. He had had a run in with this boy and came off worst, but "It was OK mum, I went and sat in the first aid room with an ice pack and (the other boy) came to say sorry and we shook hands, then chatted til it was time to go back to class"

This seems fine to me - situation closed. But my friend is absolutely outraged that I am so laid back about it and thinks I should be going in all guns blazing. I am still pretty sure I'm right (for my ds in the situation at least) but what do others think?

OP posts:
CharCharGabor · 23/03/2009 21:17

I think it sounds fine to me. Even if the boy didn't have anger management issues, children still have run ins so it could have happened anyway. They resolved the issue between themselves which I think is great in children of that age. What does your friend think would be achieved by going in all guns blazing?

mathsmummy27 · 23/03/2009 21:18

I think you are doing exactly the right thing and setting a great example for your son - a lesson he seems to have learnt. good for you

Haribosmummy · 23/03/2009 21:19

Sounds like you are a top class Mum!!!

DuchessOfAvon · 23/03/2009 21:20

Seems a sensible conclusion. The school are aware and are working on the situation (with good results by the sound of it) & your DS is calm and cool about it - what more needs to be done?

MsBump · 23/03/2009 21:23

You are totally right to feel ok about this. And what's more your boy has behaved admirably and they have worked it out between them (albeit with the Schools help) and so unless it started becoming a regular occurrence I wouldn't be concerned either.

I agree with MM27 - you are setting a great example

TrillianAstra · 23/03/2009 21:24

Sounds like the school are managing things very well.

francagoestohollywood · 23/03/2009 21:24

I agree with you seeker

FAQinglovely · 23/03/2009 21:24

.sounds fine to me too.

dizzydixies · 23/03/2009 21:27

agree with your completely, it can get sooooo over complicated when parents go charging in and the kids have sorted it all themselves

GreenEggsAndSpam · 23/03/2009 21:28

Well, if your DS feels it has been resolved (and he sounds very sensible and kind), then it sounds like an end to it.
If, on the other hand, he was coming to you saying he didn't feel safe in class, then that would be the point you step in.
I am impressed by your DS's maturity, and refreshed by your viewpoint that the school are doing what they see fit, and your DS knows his own mind . Hope his shiner goes down soon!

Original poster
seeker · 23/03/2009 21:32

Thank you. I knew I was right really ( I love the school's "shaking hands' policy!) But friend was saying it was bullying (it isn't) because the other boy is much bigger than ds. Glad I can leave it.

"Hope his shiner goes down soon!" He doesn't, greeneggsandham - I suspect he'll be touching it up with big sister's eye make up if it starts fading too soon!

OP posts:
psychomum5 · 23/03/2009 21:33

if you are happy, your son is happy, (altho with a black eye, poor thing, altho that said, with boys they love sporting 'war wounds'), and the school is acting properly, then you really are not BU.

in fact, I think you are being pretty fab

dizzydixies · 23/03/2009 21:34

its so refreshing to hear a sensible reaction for a change and a parent approving of a policy enforced by the schools

Mummyfor3 · 23/03/2009 21:35

I am with psychomum - well done, seeker! I love a bit of common sense rather than rabid PCness

piscesmoon · 23/03/2009 21:40

I would be fine about it-it was all sorted and everyone seemed happy-I wouldn't see any point in stirring it all up.

mrsblanc · 23/03/2009 21:46

what a sensible son you have - takes after his mum!

ladymariner · 23/03/2009 21:52

Well said dizzydixies and mrsblanc. Well, everyone really!!!

Original poster
seeker · 23/03/2009 22:27

Thanks everyone, it was lovely to read all your comments.I think ds's school is fab - ti's a big (420) school in an area of significant social deprivation, but the ethos and values are worth more than SATS scores in my book.

Just been to peep at ds in bed - the black eye is growing by the minute. He will be proud in the morning!

OP posts:
GreenEggsAndSpam · 23/03/2009 22:32

He will feel very cool going into school in the morning, but perhaps a little sore?! He does sound very mature though.

Do you know the parents of the other child. Could it be awkward with the injury so visible?

Just out of interest, has your outraged friend had a run-in with the child? Does she have a personal axe to grind to explain her reaction?

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