Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To think that if you go into school to hear children read or help out, you don't comment on dc's behaviour to their parents?

20 replies

Fimbo · 23/03/2009 13:24

Twice over the last couple of months, 2 separate mothers have said to me oh isn't x quiet he doesn't say a lot. He sits at the back of the class. Another commented on his reading levels.

It p's me off. My son is a quiet boy but only in class. His reading is taking off (he is just 5). I really don't want these people coming up and giving a running commentary on him as if they are his teachers.

OP posts:

MitchyInge · 23/03/2009 13:26

do you think it's just oneupmumship or are they trying to make friends?

Nabster · 23/03/2009 13:26

They probbaly think they are being nice as I am sure lots of use would love to know how are children are in class. If it was me I would be having a word with the teacher to ask her to remind the extra helpers to not discuss what goes on with the mothers.

giantkatestacks · 23/03/2009 13:28

This pisses me off too Fimbo. Yanbu.

But thats why they like to go in and do the reading sometimes - because they themselves arent as confident about their own dcs as you are and want to know whats going on in the class/where their dcs are in relation to others etc.

fryalot · 23/03/2009 13:30

YANBU.

I listen to the children read at our local school and wouldn't dream of giving unsolicited comments about peoples' children.

That said, I am always happy to "spy" on a child if specifically asked by a friend who has a child in that class (in a nice way, not as 'orrible as it sounds)

It could be that these people are actually saying something along the lines of "all the other kids in the class are loud, rude little shits, but your son is lovely and quiet and polite"

But they still shouldn't be commenting.

Original poster

Fimbo · 23/03/2009 13:31

No they are not trying to making friends. Both of them are quite extrovert, call a spade a spade type people, one of their sons is quite loud the other probably not as quiet as my ds.

I think it is great that people go into help out in the class but I firmly believe that is where it should stay, in the class.

I could say something to the teacher but I have a feeling that one of them at least would suspect I had said something.

OP posts:

Seeline · 23/03/2009 13:34

I go and help regulalrly at DCs school. We are always reminded about the need for confidentiality. If a Mum asks a specific question about her own child, that is a different matter. I would never start chatting to another Mum about her, or anyone elses child, in any other instance.

fryalot · 23/03/2009 13:35

Do you think they are likely to comment on your ds to other people?

Whilst saying things to you is annoying and wrong, there's no actual harm in it, but if they are commenting on their views of your ds's social and reading skills to other people then you probably should say something to the teacher.

Also, if they are being indiscreet about your lad, they're probably not keeping schtum about the other kids either.

Hassled · 23/03/2009 13:42

I help at school a lot, and do comment to other mothers about their DCs' behaviour etc in class if we happen to be chatting about how they're getting on etc BUT only if it's positive - along the lines of "Little Susie did a wonderful painting today". Would never make any negative remarks.

needmorehoursinaweek · 23/03/2009 13:43

YANBU

This is why parents of infants are not allowed in to hear readers at our school and no parent is allowed to help in their own DC class.

I'm not new to MN just name changed.

Original poster

Fimbo · 23/03/2009 13:50

I agree if you ask a helper about your child or you give a nice comment then it is entirely different.

I think working in a different class to your child is also a good idea.

One of the two I am talking about, will definately gossip with her mates as she is that way inclined.

OP posts:

JeanPoole · 23/03/2009 13:54

phone the head and remind them about confidentiality

branflake81 · 23/03/2009 13:55

YABU. I am sure they are just being friendly.

MIAonline · 23/03/2009 14:13

YANBU, parent helpers should not be talking about what they have seen. You could have a quiet word with the class teacher and ask them to give guidelines out to all parent helpers to say they shouldn't talk about the children with other parents.

Jux · 23/03/2009 14:14

YANBU

It is totally out of order to talk about the children outside of the classroom like that. I used to go in to hear dd's class read. I never ever spoke to any of the parents about any of them, nor did I speak to dd - or within hearing of dd - about them.

There were a couple I would have loved to have talked to their parents about, but I hardly even spoke to the teacher about them, except when a child had done something fabulous and unexpected, or suddenly 'spurted' iyswim.

Some parents would ask me how their child was doing with the reading, though they were always the ones who didn't have anything to worry about!

I would be furious. Talk to the teacher and ask her to make sure they know not to do this sort of thing.

kingprawnjalfrezi · 23/03/2009 14:29

I am not able to help out in school as I have a young baby and no regular (free) childcare at the moment. Getting information out of my ds is like pulling teeth so its quite nice sometimes to chat to some of the mums who do go in to help to find out what they've been up to. I certainly don't get offended if they comment to me on how he's doing, his enthusiasm for certain subjects etc. It would piss me off if they were gossiping with other parents without me there, but I actually feel in a privileged position that so many parents are able and willing to help out and give my child support.

happywomble · 23/03/2009 14:30

Sometimes I wonder what the mothers would think if they knew what their children come out with when I help with the reading:

One girl said "when my mummy was at school she used to get hit with a stick"!!

Wonder what embarrassing things my DCS say about me!

I think OP is NBU - the parent should not have commented on the childs reading level unless asked directly by the mother.

pooka · 23/03/2009 14:41

Have I inadvertently offended another mother by saying "X is lovely. He made up brilliant stories" (bearing in mind that this was when they were reading books without words).

I just thought he was lovely and had a fantastic imagination - didn't for a moment think that I would be crossing a line in saying it but am now really worried that I've put my foot in it.

I would never make any critical comment or even think about talking about any difficulties/what level the kids are on. And would avoid saying that a child was quiet, because if someone said that to me I'd prob panic that my dd was unhappily quiet.

beansontoast · 23/03/2009 15:00

my heartless self says 'big deal/so what? etc'...but i can see where you are coming from.

we cannot legislate against 'busybodies'...but you can shrug their comments off, as just that comments.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 23/03/2009 15:03

We are not allowed to make any comments to parents - not even positive ones and not even if a parent asks about their child. I prefer it that way, gets too tangly otherwise.

troutpout · 23/03/2009 15:07

yanbu
equally...i am rather uncomfortable with parents asking me questions that they should be asking the teacher or asking me to watch their child at playtime and then report back if they have any friends.
I'm thinking of giving up going in actually...it puts you in an awkward position

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread