to feel hurt?

[dol1y]

My husband did nothing whatsoever to mark MD yesterday. It is my first MD - last year I was recovering from two miscarriages - one of which left me hospitalised. He was aware that it would mean something to me as various people had mentioned it and asked what we would do to mark it. He said he would have to get his thinking cap on. I wasn't expecting a gift but it would have been nice to get a card with some kind words. I feel like we have come such a long way and been so lucky and blessed with our little girl but I have had serious problems with BF since she was born and it has been the hardest thing I've ever done persevering with it and this alone I just wish he would recognise. Even if he had just wished me a happy MD verbally I would have been less upset. I feel dreadfully hurt and last night dissolved into a tearful row. He is a good husband in many many ways but so thoughtless at times it feels like he doean't give me a second thought. I felt humiliated in front of my family when they were wishing me a happy MD. Friends sent me messages and this made me feel all the worse for his omission.

Mine DP has done the 'I didn't realise' thing on occasions before. In return, it took me a while to realise that they are often very different creatures and things that matter to us don't necessarily matter to them and vice versa.

Now I make sure beforehand that he should realise - then he's got no excuse when he forgets...

My DP didn't do anything either. It is my second MD but last year DD was 2 weeks old and we were in the midst of colic-induced chaos so didn't really matter. This year he said initially that he didn't realise he was supposed to do/get anything and then later on said he didn't really "agree" with the whole thing.

He also said that for the record he didn't want anything fof FD.

Like that makes it all right!!!!

We even walked by a flower stall and I made a comment about him buying me some and he made a joke about not having any money.

It did upset me, I was seething after the trip to IKEA but generally he is a good bloke! Def not a "new" man though! We agreed no presents etc so that doesn't bother me but just a bit of appreciation would have gone a long way (and made his life a bit easier yesterday )

I mentioned some of the MD stories to my DH last night and he was quite horrified that SOME dhs didn't do anything to mark the day (nicely!) for their OHs.

His take on it has always been that mothers do a hard job all year round and that for one day, it's their turn to be treated.

So, I had breakfast in bed, a lie-in, a morning bath in peace, flowers (from ds1, with his own money), cards from dh, ds1 and ds2 and a pretty necklace. Then we had MIL,PIL, SIL, BIL, one of my brothers and my mum round for lunch (cold, which I'd prepared the day before.)

Then he did the washing-up.

I will do the same for him for FD. (Although not the necklace, natch. Or the flowers.)

It makes me that any mum should have felt unappreciated on MD.

I had a lovely day, despite the fact that my DS was at his father's for the day but DP made the tea, hung out washing, cleared up etc. Plus he got me flowers and chocs for DS to give me before he went to his dads.

PLumpRumpSoggyBaps (boy, that takes a bit of typing!) you don?t fancy cloning your DH do you?

Ah well, I guess I have plenty of faults too. My Dh is fabby with the kids and he will do plenty of household stuff... but only ever as a result of me specifically asking him to do it. No initiative at all. Ever. Amazing considering he is such a kind, intelligent and generous man in so many ways. I just resent having to sound like a nagging wife and mum as I go through life pushing and shunting my family through the daily grind

kando I am with you on the gifts front. I didn?t want any either, just a bit of acknowledgement that it was finally "my turn" and to be appreciated with perhaps a simple cuppa in the morning.

My DH is not european and doesn't really get Xmas/bdays/anniversaries/valentines/mother's day yet, but last year he bought me a ring for MD when I was pg, and yesterday he phoned me to say happy MD, then announced he was going to phone MY mum to wish her one too. YA totally NBU. If my DH can get the idea that it's a nice thing to do to show appreciation to the mother/s in your life, any bugger can. FFS.

My mum bought me my mothers day presents and cards, she then proceeded to have a massive go at DH who rushed out to Tesco and bought me a cd and card.

The same happened last year and will happen again next year. Some men just don't get it.

I also threatened to take myself out for lunch after he had a go at me about cleaning up. He relented and came with us and paid when he realised I meant it.

I hope your DH hasn't upset you too much. And no YANBU. But try not to dwell on it. I am sure he didn;t do it deliberately to hurt you.

You can call me SoggyBaps! [grin}

I wouldn't clone DH, by the way. His head's big enough as it is- imagine if there were two of him......

I hope you're feeling a bit better now. Your DH is probably only guilty of thoughtlessness. Maybe the hint of a make-up treat might be in order?

yeah the best thing is getting to sit down instead of always doing the food and endless clearing up
oh and teenagers making some effort to be nice!