yes, another one about mothers' day expectactions. AIBU to be annoyed withDH

[noonar]

doing this...

dh is seeing his mum at 3.30

we mooched about this morning and it got to 12 oclock and i thought that if we dont get out of the house soon, we'll have no time together doing anything worthwhile, before he went off. so.. i started to get the cool box out and suggested a simple picnic, to which he replied, NOT 'what a lovely idea', as i'd hoped but...'i'm having a roast with mum at 3.30'

now, he did organised tulips and tea and crumpets in bed this morning, brought up with the dds, which was really sweet. so its not really that i was expecting more, but
then i found myself really piSsed off at the picnic thing.
AIBU ?

Are you not invited to the dinner at his mother's? He only just mentioned it?

Are you invited to the roast? I think you're being a little bit unreasonable - sorry!

ok, i am taking my mum out for tea. he and his sis are taking his mum out. i knew he was going out to a pub, but didnt know it was a roast.

i just felt that he could hve come along with us, said it was a nice idea, and just paced himself , foodwise. instead, i saw it as an 'i'm alright jack' attitude regarding lunch.

I think you're BU really. Think MD is always a bit logistically tricky when there is more than one generation of mothers.

YABU

Its his mothers mothers day, you are not his mother. He is meant to spend the day with his mother.

You could have still taken your dd's for thr picnic had you wanted to.

Oh..well I sort of see his point.

But, men can be very literal when it comes to practicalities like food and where and when.

You perhaps wanted his company more than the picnic food? Unfortunately they don't read between the lines; only the ones in eight ft neon lights.

focus on what you have got and the fact that you are still alive to spend mothers day with your children.

YABU

ok, i can see that. i'm not his mother. i know that.

maybe i havent been that honest with myself about my expectations... my dds arent old enough to organise an outing. i didnt expect a meal out or anything, but i'd have liked him to be a bit more pro active in deciding how we'd spend the day. i guess i thought it might be nice to have a little outing together, but on mothers day, it didnt feel quite right planning it myself. does that make sense?

YABU.

x post. i'm an ungrateful cow. will go now.

He made an effort this morning and you get to spend the evening with your mum. YABU.

yabu

he did something for you with your children this morning and you are out with your Mum this afternoon and he is out for lunch with his mum today!

tis a logistical nightmare really for everyone!

Next year plan a meal out for all of you inc his mum and your mum

Things settle down and over time and as your dd's get older you will start to form your own family's version of mothers day and what you 'normally do' like Christmas etc.

It is difficult juggling older generations too.

My mum is popping in for tea later, but the day here is being spent at home with dc and dinner/breakfast together etc.

It's taken me years to find a balance I like though. Other years have been too focused on grandmas rather that us as a family. One year I hardly saw my own dc cos I was cooking a huge meal for everyone else. That didn't feel right, so I've scaled it down over time to suit us.

does nobody think that his response to the picnic thing was a bit thoughtless?

Practical rather than thoughtless. That's how chaps are wired up. I've got one the same.

thanks tsar.

i guess i felt on some level that i wanted him to organise some time off or 'me' time for me. he is having a nice lunch out. i got a cheese sandwich. i am petty and resentful.

Bottle of wine together later maybe? Let it go, I think or it'll blow up out of proportion.

Next year try and plan a day more round you as a family with a nod to the grandma's. It's all about balance. They had all that when you and dh were little. Now it's your turn. It sounds like you're both trying to cover too much ground in one day.

i think he was being dim, not mean. and that tulips, tea and crumpets sounds nice. and that mother's day was clearly designed by a misanthrope who wanted to stir up trouble between hitherto happy couples.

its already out of proportion, tsar. we had a row, he stormed off. i had a packed lunch on the beach with the dds without him.

yeah, but i bought the crumpets. humbug.

YABU my dp had to work today.

Oh dear, no wonder you're feeling like this.

Enjoy your dd's and start again later.

MD can be loaded with expectation - all these 'special days' can be I find. Everyone jogging happily along until an 'occasion' pops up to throw them off balance. The trouble is everyone has a different take on what should happen.

I don't think YABU! You are a mum as well. We always go to see our mums together on Mother's Day. Then, once we get home, it's my day! DH is currently making lunch, ( I don't care what, or that I bought the stuff, I don't have to make it!) and this afternoon we will watch something I want to on TV and it will be nice just being together.
Certainly we would never see our Mums alone on Mother's Day. And if we were to take them out, it would be all of us, together. Maybe it's our age, but I don't get the 'it's his/my mum and the SIL/DIL should not be included' approach.